Hi Everyone!
I'm a newbie on here but have been diagnosed with depression (GP has never got any more specific) for 8 years. After starting counselling I realised that I have always, even as a young child, been affected by anxiety and depression. It started at a very young age, worrying about things I shouldn't even be registering at the age I was, anxiety dreams, feelings out worthlessness even though I was always at the top of my class. It continued into my teens, not wanting to go out with friends, feeling relieved when my dad stopped me going out but pretending I wanted to, tiredness, anger, and again the uselessness.
In 2002 I was finally diagnosed (whilst living abroad) and given medication (citalopram), I told my parents who told me to get off the tablets immediately because they are addictive and I didn't need them anyway. So I struggled on. I moved home (the time away was part of uni) and things got really bad, I could hardly function, had screaming fits at my Dad, boyfriend, random annoying kids in the street, anyone! Aparently my parents and my partner knew I was having some sort of breakdown but they never once asked if I was ok or needed help. My Dad pushed me into buying a house, he's never been one for 'throwing your money away' on rent, my doctor advised me not to as I was in no fit state to get into the house buying game, but I couldn't stay at home as I couldn't cope having no time to myself. Since buying and moving in I have had a string of jobs all of which I have needed significant time off due to depression and/or had to leave or got into trouble because of it.
After my last job leading to be behaving badly because I couldn't cope and me needing time off sick, I resigned because I couldn't face going back. I was under threat of redundancy anyway and as my probation period had been extended I knew I'd be out soon. I decided to go back to uni to do something I loved, complementary therapies, and that I thought would help me. I didn't have the money to not work so I expected to work part time but have not been able to and am now in debt. I wonder if any of you have had a similar experience because what I'm going to say seems to go against everyone else's view of helping depression: Uni is very supportive, my classmates are all lovely people and I've been able to be honest with them and tell them about my depression, I get up to 3 therapies a week (massage/reflexology/aromatherapy/talking therapy/shiatsu) plus tai chi, meditation, breathing exercises and I go to see a counsellor there, I love the course and am given extra support to stay there and to make things easier for me but I STILL can't cope! I also try and eat right, get gentle exercise (practising tai chi, gardening), take various supplements, herbal remedies etc. I've had at least 3 major bouts of depression since I started in sept 09 and am now off again and back on the medication. All my GP does is give me pills, he has referred me to a counsellor as well as my uni one can only see me for a limited number of sessions. I'm now at the point where my debt is getting serious, I've never been able to phone up companies whether I'm 'well' or not so I ignore the calls and letters from my creditors and any advice I can bring myself to ask for means that I need to call them and negotiate and do things I can't do. The mental health coordinator at uni has said she can help with my debt but I'm scared that after all I have done to try and beat this nothing has worked! I'm stuck in the house now, can't cope with people, noise, phones, eating, washing etc what else can I do???!!!!
Love and happy thoughts to you all
Lal xxx
