I often think about overdose, but...

[CharleysAngel']

This may seem a bit odd. I often think about overdose, I don't think I would ever actually do it, but sometimes I would really like to. I don't really want to die, but sometimes I feel like the only way anyone would take me seriously would be if I tried to kill myself and happened to get caught. I know this sounds stupid, and some might even class it as attention seeking. I'm not severly depressed either so I'm not sure why I feel like this. Like I said I would probably never do it anyway but its just a thought.

[KateG]

&*( Icelolly. You've had so many months of being pushed here and there, it's understandable that you want someone to listen and pay attention. We are here for you

[CharleysAngel']

I don't intend to get peoples attention, although sometimes it is nice. I don't want to die really but on the surface I kind of do. I don't want to do it but then I do. I want people to understand but they don't

[Sweetpea]

This has been so hard for you, just wish you could get the answers you deserve.

S x x x x

[Beetzart]

I know how you feel Ice Lolly.  When I get overwhelmed I sometimes think, quite casually, 'there's always suicide'.

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Shaz and Beetzart xx

I just feel like no one really understands ( apart from on this forum). Sometimes I would love to get caught trying to take too many tablets and people would say. "Yeah, she tried to kill herself, maybe we should take her a bit more seriously now, despite the fact she is just a teenager"

Little things that annoy me and make me think that people don't understand. I think I should be entitled to a comfort break pass during exams, apparently I'm not eventhough the school knows everything that's going on.

[Beetzart]

My dad caught me swallowing several paracetamols when I was 19, I must have taken a dozen.  He just stopped me, took away the pills, yet I can't remember what happened next, but I never went to hospital.  Thing is over the years he has used this against me ie, 'don't you dare say that, what about when you were taking all those "drugs"?'.  I have done it with Paroxetine as well, took about 20. 

[CharleysAngel']

I think my parents would be same Beetzart, they would just get mad at me and never tell anyone or get me any help. I could do it at school but it could go horribly wrong, people hate me enough as it is without knowing I tried to kill myself at school.

My brother uses stuff agaisnt me, he saw me when I was waiting for head of house the other day and I was crying and he threatens to tell mum I was crying in her office if I annoy him. He knows she will be furious with me.

[Beetzart]

Oh bloody hell, Ice lolly, I am genuinely sorry to hear that.   Again, very similar to my close family.  I can't be sure but I don't think my parents ever hugged me or said they loved me.  I am always telling my two sons I love them with kisses and hugs.  Do you ever feel like you're not meant for this World?  Like it is set up in such a way that you will always fail.

[whiteadder]

Ice Lolly, thinking of you and hoping you start to get the love and care you deserve :)

[whiteadder]

  Do you ever feel like you're not meant for this World?  Like it is set up in such a way that you will always fail.

This really touched me Beetzart. I've often felt that way. I'm not a dogmatic believer in reincarnation etc, but sometimes when I consider it I wonder if our experiences and challenges happen for a reason.

[Got]

I think the best advice to give here is to say that you definitely should tell both your GP and therapist about this. This could actually have positive affects for you, as they should use it as a gauge as to how depressed you are and you may receive more help for the way you feel

Steve

[Zaf]

I think Steve is right IceLolly

Z xx

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks everyone xxx

But if I tell my doctor/ and or counsellor they will probably tell my parents and I will no doubt get sent back to CAMHS and this whole process will begin all over again. I don't think I can go through this again, plus the fact that if my parents find out they will go mad at me. I will never get a diagnosis for my physical symptoms either, the doctor will just put it down to stress and I'm so close to getting somewhere.