unusual feelings earlier at work

[DarylR]

Hi everyone, hope your enjoying the sunshine, I wanted people's opinions to see whether they believe I am going in the right direction now.

As mentioned on my previous posts I have suffered on and off with depression and find life really hard work on some days compared to others, I have been to the doctor about it and I am taking flouxetine 20mg tablets daily and also waiting to have some one to one counselling locally.

This problem I have severely limits what I can do work wise as I can't cope with stress of any kind without it making me angry or reducing me to tears. for quite some time I have been temping on and off with agencies and today I was at an assignment but could not cope with it there I felt overwhelmed and had to get out of the place so I told the lady and my agency who are partially aware of my problems, that is why they have only beem giving me easy assignments on a short term basis for the last few months.

I wanted to give it one last try but I relise I am not able to work at the moment, I have put in a claim for employment and support allowance, and need to wait for my doctors certificate, can anyone give me their thoughts on this or tell me if you have been on this benefit and weather u found it helpful? thanks.

[Zaf]

Sorry, no experience of it

Z x

[Sweetpea]

Sorry but I have not had any experience of this either, but I totally understand you not being able to cope with work.

S x x x x

[Zaf]

I can too, its one of my big triggers

[DarylR]

thank you, yes im just wondering if you guys would mind telling me what it is about work that u find hard to cope with?

i find i'm only able to do easy work that involves little stress and not having to think too much, as bad as that sounds. but there isn't alot of roles like that out there.

just wondering if u 2 can relate to this at all?

[Sweetpea]

I just hate the stress of having to be there at a certain time, I hate the fact I cannot work full time and not bring more into our home.  I am lucky than hubby has quite a good job and know's I can't manage much.

Just having any kind of pressure makes me go under.

Hope you can understand what I am trying to say.

S x x x x

[Zaf]

I agree with shaz, its any sort of pressure

Z xx

[DarylR]

i do shaz thank u, it is hard isn't it. I am starting counselling soon although it's paid but only £15 a session, unfortunately they do not offer free one to free where i am, but CBT is free, dunno if u had any of them treatments but i hope one of them works for me.

[Sweetpea]

I had the same CBT was free with MIND but had to pay for my counselling.  The counselling was great, so glad I went, really changed me for the better, hope it works for you.

S x x x x

[whiteadder]

Daryl, for me one of the hardest things about work can be just keeping up the pretence of sanity / normality. When depression hits it can be just the sheer effort of moving from one second to the next. Politics at work can be hard on those of us with an alternative view of life. The modern work place is not a place for free spirits. I'll spare you the full list

Regarding ESA, I have no experience of it. All I can say is make looking after your health and well-being the top priority. :)

[DarylR]

makes sense whiteadder, when im feeling bad it's nearly impossible to shake off.
yes that's what i'm going to do now, i have a supporting family, who may not know what to do with me but they are not putting me under pressure to get a job, but i would like to work in a role im comfortable with 1 day. here's to hoping lol

[Beetzart]

Hi Daryl

I have always struggled at any kind of job, moreso at the moment as I have been off for 7 weeks.  I can't cope with people, or the majority of people I suppose.  They just irritate me, I can't help it.  I am quite sensitive and for a man that is supposedly not a good thing, can't really take criticism and get very paranoid that people are talking about me.  Even during the better times I am still quite withdrawn and don't like being in groups of more then 3, otherwise my mind screams 'get me out of here, NOW'.  I assume I like things that others don't.  They would rather listen to a repetative commercial radio station with awful music (IMO) when I would prefer to listen to a Beethoven Symphony.  Again that is just me, I never tell anyone that because I don't want to have things I find pleasure in, mocked.  A former colleague, who I thought I trusted, found out that I bought a £700 Casio electric piano.  It is a beautiful piece of kit and I treasure it, but only got it because I had a sizeable inheritance, yet all he could keep saying was 'what a waste of money'.  That is how sensitive I am, I can remember all the nasty, snidey comments over the years.

Ideally I'd like to be a Writer and work from home.  Fantasy?  Yes, of course but sometimes over the ages I get some quite intruiging ideas pop into my head, so I am doing two creative writing courses over two years with the Open University from september.  I think what I am trying to say is I would love to do a job with as little human interaction as possible, again fantasy, but just me and my mind merrily skipping along some strange path deciding our own future sounds quite appealing at the moment.  Even though I am a determinist at heart I still hate having little control.

As for ESA, I have been advised to apply for it and looking into how to claim it for depression feels a bit like a catch-22.  You have to describe the problems that MI gives you ie, going outside, attitude towards others, coping with everyday tasks.  Now here is the catch.  You will more then likely be asked to attend a medical which could be several miles away or more.  So you've said on the form you have trouble leaving the house and intereacting with others, but can manage to get on a train, bus, car, find the location and meet a complete stranger who will assess you.  So that obviously contradicts what you put on the form.  This is why I am wary of going for it.  You can't get financial help with MI until you ask, but when you do you are classed as fit to work.  

'That's some Catch, that Catch 22'  Said Yossarian

'It sure is, it's the best we got!' Said Doc

[whiteadder]

Interesting stuff Beetzart. As one sensitive man to another, I'm not sure which of the many things you've said I should say 'wow - me too' to!

Funny thing about the being a writer dream for me. Reading and writing were always what put me in touch with nature, reality and spirituality. So I always thought I would like to be a writer and therefore somehow live that dream. Now I'm starting to think I should jump straight to the nature, reality and the spirituality bit. Maybe I've lost something by finding satisfaction in mowing the lawn, but I think more lilkely I've gained something. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to be a writer. But for me the whole wanting to show I can be a success thing is gonna have to take a back seat while I work out how to be human again. That's the real journey. Maybe. What do I know? Ask me tomorrow, I'll say something different.

Cherish that keyboard and love it. When someone attacks the concept of the keyboard perhaps you feel they are attacking the concept of you. I get that, and you have a right to be defensive about you and the things you love.

Take care

[whiteadder]

Daryl, about your question re ESA...

I read a bit on this and I understand you may have the option of doing some 'permitted work' whilst on this scheme. Seems that this can mean 'testing out your own ability to work' so could give you a chance to try your hand at things you may like. I have no idea how this would work in reality but maybe with the right opportunities this could be helpful to you...

see http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/permitted-work-working-while-claiming-employment-and-support-allowance

Take care

[Got]

Hi Daryl

I have always struggled at any kind of job, moreso at the moment as I have been off for 7 weeks.  I can't cope with people, or the majority of people I suppose.  They just irritate me, I can't help it.  I am quite sensitive and for a man that is supposedly not a good thing, can't really take criticism and get very paranoid that people are talking about me.  Even during the better times I am still quite withdrawn and don't like being in groups of more then 3, otherwise my mind screams 'get me out of here, NOW'.  I assume I like things that others don't.  They would rather listen to a repetative commercial radio station with awful music (IMO) when I would prefer to listen to a Beethoven Symphony.  Again that is just me, I never tell anyone that because I don't want to have things I find pleasure in, mocked.  A former colleague, who I thought I trusted, found out that I bought a £700 Casio electric piano.  It is a beautiful piece of kit and I treasure it, but only got it because I had a sizeable inheritance, yet all he could keep saying was 'what a waste of money'.  That is how sensitive I am, I can remember all the nasty, snidey comments over the years.

Ideally I'd like to be a Writer and work from home.  Fantasy?  Yes, of course but sometimes over the ages I get some quite intruiging ideas pop into my head, so I am doing two creative writing courses over two years with the Open University from september.  I think what I am trying to say is I would love to do a job with as little human interaction as possible, again fantasy, but just me and my mind merrily skipping along some strange path deciding our own future sounds quite appealing at the moment.  Even though I am a determinist at heart I still hate having little control.

As for ESA, I have been advised to apply for it and looking into how to claim it for depression feels a bit like a catch-22.  You have to describe the problems that MI gives you ie, going outside, attitude towards others, coping with everyday tasks.  Now here is the catch.  You will more then likely be asked to attend a medical which could be several miles away or more.  So you've said on the form you have trouble leaving the house and intereacting with others, but can manage to get on a train, bus, car, find the location and meet a complete stranger who will assess you.  So that obviously contradicts what you put on the form.  This is why I am wary of going for it.  You can't get financial help with MI until you ask, but when you do you are classed as fit to work.  

'That's some Catch, that Catch 22'  Said Yossarian

'It sure is, it's the best we got!' Said Doc

Are all the horrible comments as bad as you think or are you perceiving them this way?

People with social anxiety sometimes desire to be away from people but isolation is likely to reduce your social skills and may lead to increased anxiety when around others.

 Being irritated by others for being psychologically different from yourself is irrational and it is arguably feeding your mental unease. The man who said you thought you could trust who then went on to repeat that 700 pounds on a keyboard is a ''waste of money'' may not appreciate the value of your own specific interest, but this ins't a breach of trust, it is an expression of his own psychological disposition. It doesn't warrant the break down of a could-be friendship. Your perceptions of others is challengable from a therapy perspective. Have you ever had therapy for your social issues?

I am  being objective about your ideas here, it is not intended to offend or upset, i am  presenting a challenging viewpoint.

Steve