Hi...

[staralfur]

Hi, ok, I'm new here and new to forums! I'm a 36 yr old male...

Ok, I've just tried writing this out a couple of times and its not easy.

Let's just say that I'm depressed. I won't bore you with the details just yet...but last year I was in a mental ward after attempting suicide....I got help. But the help isn't on your shoulder forever.

I am now back with bad thoughts and have just a few minutes ago tried overdosing on my pain meds. Not a serious amount, just enough to make things bearable. It was a trick I learned a couple of years ago.

My partner stopped me though....and I think she is downstairs now guarding my pills....not something I'm feeling proud of at all......

This is a very bad time and I just need to talk....I'm sorry if I'm just spreading doom and gloom

[Sweetpea]

Hello, don't feel like you are spreading doom and gloom.  We know what these feelings are like.  Are you taking any anti-depressants?  Have you considered counselling, I understand this will not help you tonight but for the future I mean.

S x x x x

[staralfur]

Hi Shaz....how are you doing?

I'm taking citalopram but to be honest, its never really done anything to help me. I wish it would.

I did see a psychologist for a while, she helped me make sense of a lot of things, but unfortunately my brain remembers too much.

Plus, my partner suffers post natal depression too....this is magnifying my own problems. I buried a lot of my feelings to help her....but as we all know, its never the answer.

I can't help her, and help myself.....I'm trying

[Sweetpea]

I am ok thanx, have you been back to your gp and told them the Citalopram is not working, I was first prescribed Citalopram and at first it worked, then just stopped.  I am now on Duloxetine which seems to be working well.  We are all different and not every med works for everybody.  Maybe its worth making an appointment to have a chat about changing.

Its not easy for you with your partner suffering with PNP, is she getting help with this?  You are so right its not good burying these feelings, they don't just go away and are always there ready to surface again.

I so feel for you its hard being supportive when you are feeling so down yourself.

We understand here so you are not alone.

S x x x x

[staralfur]

I haven't spoken to the gp....I felt embarrassed about it.

I'm going to be selfish if you don't mind.

My ex wife was mentally abusive to me, so my partners PND is playing on a few of the really bad memories. I know she isn't my ex.....but I can't help the thoughts.

She is seeing the same therapist I saw, and she is also taking meds too, plus, I'm trying to do what I can to take off some pressure for her. It just seems that I'm always wrong, and it brings back so so many bad memories.

She is downstairs now guarding my painkillers....she doesn't deserve that, she is ill herself, I feel horrible for doing that too her

I'm sorry....I need help in dealing with this

[Sweetpea]

Please don't be sorry, I too had a mentally abusive first marriage.  It really hurts and takes alot of trust in others away.  I had it for 15 years before I had the courage to leave.

Its understandable that your partners PND is bringing back bad memories.

You really must go back to your  dr, please do not feel embarrassed about going, he/she will understand they see many people with these problems.  You should not be suffering this way.

S x x x x

[staralfur]

Thank you for being there and listening.

I'm scared to go the doctor because just before my marriage came to an end....an intervention from my family....I tried suicide a few times and ended up with a trip to a mental health ward. So I'm scared if I go back with problems she will put me back there.

I know other people have much bigger problems, even my partner deserves help more than me, but I just need someone to listen....to know someone is there....so thank you so much for listening to me go on

[Sweetpea]

I really don't think they will send you anywhere.  But different meds could help you get through this.  You deserve help for yourself.

S x x x x

[Zaf]

I agree with shaz,  if you possibly can please do go and see your GP.  We will help you all we can in here but you may well need a change of meds

Z xx