I don't want to feel sad anymore

[Maddymoo]

They are 10, 9, 5 and 21 months. I can't tel the 10 yr old as he is my stepson (he lives here full time) and I don't want his horrible mother finding out, and my daughter (9 yr old) will worry herself silly about it. I care enough that I don't want to burden them, and I tell them I love them everyday, but I just don't see what good I am to them at the mo. I've never actually felt this bad before, it's a shock

[Micky]

Telling them you love them each day is good. Knowing you are loved is the most important thing for a child. My mother went through some bad times when I was around 11 to 15, (not helped by me and my sisters), and she never told us about it. I wish she had. We knew something was wrong. She would go out for long walks at night and this was around the time and place the Yorkshire ripper was about. I was worried she would never come home. We always knew she loved us regardless of how moody she was.

I've had depression a few times and each time it comes it's a shock.

[Buttercup]

Hi Maddymoo

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you.  I have 4 children, they're 8,7,4 and 3.  I know exactly what you mean about how they're voices are difficult to put up with.  I feel so awful and as you do wonder what sort of mother am I?  I really hate the way I feel and all I want to do is make my children happy. 

I've been in a depressive episode since October last year, it's been an absolute nightmare.  They all seem perfectly happy though.  My husband also does virtually everything as I really can't cope with things.  The way I deal with the constant talking when it's driving me made is to close my eyes and breath out slowly, this just helps me to calm down so I don't end up shouting. 

Love Buttercup xxx

[Maddymoo]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this (not that I'm saying I'm glad others are ill!). Wow, since October, that's a long time, I do hope you feel better soon

Thank you everybody

Maddy

[Buttercup]

I, know what you mean.  I'm bipolar so its a bit odd, I can't take anti depressants, so it's just playing around with mood stabilisers.

[mamalou]

I can relate to all that you say. I have 3 children 11,9,6 years old. I have been in this episode of severe depressive illness since May 2010 and I am desperate. I am totally detatched now ( officially dissociated ) and I have no feelings  My children are great but I know that my illness has and continues to have an impact on them. Thankfully, my husband has stepped into the breach for the practical things .But to be honest, I feel I have lost 2 years of my life but more importantly 2 years of their lives - ones I can't replace.

On a brighter note children are quite resiliant and I have talked with each of mine about "mummy" being poorly to assure them that it is nothing to do with them or their behaviour.

It's a tough one. Hang in there.

[Maddymoo]

Thank you for all our supportive words, I know I'm nowhere near as bad as others! The doctor has just doubled my dose to 40mg and wants to see me in a month so hopefully things will improve

Maddy

[Buttercup]

Hopefully that will help, my friend didn't see much improvement until she was on 40 mg, so fingers crossed it helps you xxx

[Maddymoo]

I was feeling much better but in the last month I've just crashed, hopefully il improve again now

Maddy

[Micky]

It's hard work chopping and changing drugs and dosages at first. You just have to stick with it.

[Sweetpea]

My sister is on 40mg and this works well for her.  Hope you see an improvement soon.

Take care

S x x x x

[Zaf]

I'm on 40mg too and it definitely helps

Z x

[Maddymoo]

Oh good. I'm also going to have to get over my hesitations and discuss it with my children, as my 5 yr old has asked of the doctor is going to make me not grumpy any more :-/ not sure what il say but it has to be done

Maddy

[Micky]

It's amazing what you can find on the internet  

http://depression.about.com/od/Understand/a/How-To-Talk-About-Depression-With-Your-Child.htm

Just realized it about children WITH depression, but I would imagine the same rules apply.

[Sweetpea]

Oh bless, maybe just try and be as straight forward and simple as you can with them Maddy.

 &*(

S x x x x