Felt suicidal today

[mrmoody]

basically without going into it all I felt today that I would be better off dead. sick of living when I am in all this pain and feeling alone,unloved and hated and disowned even by my own family. didnt see any point anymore. Thanks to Shaz and Zaf for just being there and for caring. I opened up my soul on another forum I have been on for 4 years and no one replied yet if I had been going on about something trivial like my computer not working or my toilet being blocked no doubt I would have gotten plenty of replies. I open my f***ing soul up on a forum not for the laugh of it but because I am bloody rock bottom and crying out for help and to connect with someone as sadly in this world today, thats the only f***ing way anymore to connect with anyone....via the internet.sad but true. Anyways thanks to my two friends Zaf and Shaz.dont know what I would have done without them

[Sweetpea]

 &*( &*(

S x x

[KateG]

Thinking of you Alex, have you got access to the mental health team where you are now? &*(

[mrmoody]

well 2 replies. I guess people are too wrapped up in themselves to reply. I dont know about mental health service here in Sheffield but I have contacted Mind. 6 to 9 month waiting list for counselling here. I see a doctor Monday and thats my only hope. I tell you, by the time I had access to help I could already have been dead.

[Zaf]

it was quite late Alex,  a lot of us are in bed by that time

Z xxx

[mrmoody]

ok. fair enough. I just get the feeling people dont like me. or worse. they dont even care.

[Beetzart]

Hi Alex, so sorry that you are feeling so bad at the moment.  I can surely empathise as I have been in a dark place for weeks now and it took quite an emotional visit to my pdoc yesterday to get an increase in my meds and some other help.  I doubt very much that anyone dislikes you here but I know we all care, that is what makes this a good place to be.  Depression makes you feel that way, ie thinking negative thoughts, I get it all the time.

Keep posting

[mrmoody]

maybe so Beetzart, just when you feel rejected by those closest to you then what chance that strangers or people you dont know will care about you. It just all feels so futile. I just feel despair

[Zaf]

I think the difference here is that we all understand depression and care about people that are suffering in the same ways that we do

Z xxx

[KateG]

I agree with Zaf, we all have a common bond, we know that saying things like "snap out of it" and "pull yourself together" won't help, we understand what it's like to be scared to leave the house, to just want to hide away, without having to explain why we feel like this

[mrmoody]

I get out an about ok these days with no problem. I am just lonely, unloved and unloveable