I'm new to this so bear with me...also don't know if I'm posting on the right thing or not but just need some advice tbh...
Basically I keep thinking bad thoughts, sounds stupid but things like what would be the best way to commit suicide etc :/ I was in a serious accident a few weeks ago resulting in my partner's death, I was devastated as you can imagine but I just wana be with him
I know its normal to be feeling like this, grieving, but it's not getting better in fact it's getting worse. In a way I feel guilty to be alive, feel like nothings going well for me anymore!!
Dunno if it's just that that's making me feel like this, but I've felt like this for a long time just never as bad as now...I had an abusive childhood yet my mum never believed me, didn't do well at school, mum started dealing drugs and had to witness her trying to kill herself many a time, basically had to look after myself and my little brother/sister since like 11/12, been burgled loads of times, was victim of an armed robbery in my house, I myself went a bit crazy on drugs but stopped now after starting to hallucinate really bad and having panic attacks, my beloved stepdad went schizophrenic, and to top it off I lost my best friend 3yrs ago due to a quad bike accident. I have my own place now, shared, and things where looking up until I had this accident.
Sounds all a bit too much but I really can't talk to anyone about all this it's driving me insane not being able to get it all out and these past few weeks have been the darkest I've ever been through and the one person I felt like I could speak to we are no longer speaking due to some petty argument at work. All I keep doing whilst I've been off due to injuries is cleaning OCD-style to stop me thinking about things I really don't know how much more I can take!!
I'm 22 xx
