Hello!!!
This will be a long post so be prepared for a long read!
My Name is Katy, I'm 24 and have just recently had my mental health diagnosis changed to Borderline Personality Disorder complicated by Moderate Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Ambivalence (although the last one is more a note to anyone who has to deal with me in the long term). I was diagnosed with this at the end of last year, but only told about it in Feb this year.
I saw my first psychiatrist at the age of 5 (although I don't remember this) this was due to me suddenly starting to wet the bed for no apparent reason at school and they needed to check if anything was going on, it wasn't, I'd just got nervous at school after being there for 3 months! Anyway after this I was not involved with them again until I was a teenager.
Things started to go wrong for me when I was 10 and the bullying started. Although I somehow coped with it all until the second time I was attacked at 16 at which point I started to get self harm urges and to feel I had no worth. On my 14th birthday my 'boyfriend' raped me. But I grew up in a house where we pretended that bad things didn't happen. By the time I turned 17 I had a complete meltdown, started self harming and threatening to kill myself. I saw a psychiatrist again but refused to engage and carried on with my life self harming in secret and things like that.
By the time I was 18 I took my first overdose, I wasn't offered any support after seeing the Psychiatrist as I yet again didn't engage, I was also ok enough to be sent home. Six months later I took a more severe overdose at college, which ended with me going to hospital and being kept in overnight. The next day I saw a psych that saw through me pretending that I was ok and decided that I needed to get some form of support. However I never went and got any support apart from to see my GP who diagnosed me with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Insomnia (I have struggled to sleep since I was very little).
After this I resat college due to knowing I could do better. During this time I was also diagnosed with having tendonitis in my wrists and possibly in my knees. Also I was relatively stable in terms of my mental health and managed to get decent enough grades to go to the university that I wanted too.
At university I was lucky enough to have support through my DSA which really helped matters, although I did occasionally self harm on and off, and with the help of extensions I managed to pass my first year with an average grade of 2:2. My second year at university was not as lucky though, by the third week I had been sexually assaulted by a friend, which turned into a long and slow decline in my mental health and the loss of several friends. I saw a counsellor at the university who I didn’t always fully engage with, who ended up dragging me to see a GP one day when I told her the truth about being suicidal. The GP diagnosed me with Depression as well as Generalised Anxiety Disorder and put me on Sertraline. I also completely failed the year due to doing nothing and applied for extenuating circumstances to resit the year on a first sit basis. The university granted this.
However, in the summer between finishing the second year and repeating it I was suddenly taken really ill by chronic diarrhoea, this ended up with me being signed off work for the whole of June, July and most of August while the Doctor tried to figure out what was wrong with me and if it was contagious. In desperation, as I had lost a lot of weight, she referred me to a gastronologist who did a colonoscopy and diagnosed me with Microscopic Colitis or Lymphatic Colitis- auto immune response caused by taking sertraline, so I was pulled of those tablets instantly and went into remission with the Colitis, the cause of my colitis is apparently really rare and I am one of the 3 people in the UK that is known to have contracted it this way! However, the damage had been done and I am now stuck with this lifelong condition.
So that September I returned to my studies quite ill and having to return home a lot for hospital appointments as the healthcare service in my home town as the health service at my university daren’t treat me as they didn’t know how. Luckily I was discharged from the service halfway through the academic year.
I did however struggle whilst at university from the September-February due to the Colitis as it took my body a long time to heal from the 8 weeks of illness. I ended up doing no work for my studies in that time and also had to deal with the beginning of the decline in my parents’ marriage whilst being away from home. I was very lucky to have a very understanding year tutor who granted me extensions on all my work and between Feb and June I managed to complete 7 of my 8 modules; I resat one during the summer resits. I managed to average a 2:1 with my work this year and got grades ranging from 48% (3rd) to 65%!
Sadly due to being ill the year before, I was unable to return to university last September due to financial reasons- I maxed out my credit card and overdraft and 12 weeks was not enough to pay it off and to return to university without stressing about being skint/ending up in a worse off situation. Therefore I am currently on a study suspension for the academic year and due to return this September in the possession of quite a bit of money.
Things at home where going well up until November when my Dad left my Mum and then came back again. This triggered suicidal, overdose and self harm urges, some of which I was starting to act upon. Noticing this and deciding to do something about it before it all came to a head I went to my GP and told them everything about how I struggle to accept help and what I was feeling. She referred me to the CMHT as an urgent case and I saw a psychiatrist and CPN who sat and listened to me in a couple of appointments to decide what to do.
In January this year I started coping strategy therapy as they wanted to get my impulsive behaviours under control, and it is starting to work, however I took a massive step back in recovery at the end of January when my parents finally split up due to my dad’s affairs. Mum did not take it well and since then I have become her primary carer which means my Mental Health has taken a step back while I deal with hers.
Last month, my CPN decided that it might be worthwhile to put me on the DBT waiting list in my area in around June/July as the waiting list here is a yearlong and I will be away from September to around that time so it means I would get the support I need when I return from university. Also there is no real support I can access when I am at university, but I do have the support of a study buddy and a support and guidance mentor who I can talk to when I am there which helps.
On a side note- I have also recently been diagnosed with having 12 confirmed food intolerances and 9 borderline food intolerances, all of these due to the Microscopic Colitis! Due to speak to a dietician about diet changes soon.
So that is my LONG story. Thank you for reading!
