Feeling low and isolated

[Luna99]

I keep logging in and not knowing what to say!  Feeling so low at the moment on and off but not in a complete depression so I feel as if I should snap out of it.  Have been to the doctors twice and am due to have a counselling session in a couple of weeks.  Am worried this will result in nothing as it is only a one off appointment to see if I can be referred for CBT. I keep trying to get help and seem to get turned away every time.  Think I am quite good at hiding how I really feel, even though I don't mean to.
Am finding it hard to get on with my family at the moment.  I just want to block them all out, even though I need their company.  I have two kids and they are very demanding.  They are making me feel even more low.  I feel like I have no control in my own house and no respect from them.  Have had support for parenting and this hasn't helped in the long term.  I love them both to bits but I feel like a failure most of the time.  I also feel very distant from my husband as I feel that he just doesn't understand.  I realise it is difficult for him to understand if he has not experienced depression, but he always changes the subject if I try to talk.  I feel that I am completely alone most of the time.
Despite what I have written I am a positive person and try to start each day in a more positive way.  Have been feeling a bit more positive now that I know I have an appointment, but day to day the loneliness and isolation is driving me crazy.

[Buttercup]

Hi, welcome to the forum.

It can be really hard to show people how we are feeling, I know that there are a lot of us on here that 'put on a mask'

Hopefully the cbt assessment will lead to regular sessions and things will start to improve for you  :)

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, you probably dont feel like it but keep going back to your doctor if you get no improvement and tell him/her exactly how you are feeling if you possibly can

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome,

I understand how you are feeling, its very difficult to tell people our true feelings and put on a face and say all is ok.  I would advise going back to your dr and try to be truthful about how you are feeling.  Maybe write your feelings and thoughts down so you can show this to your dr if this is easier.

S x

[Luna99]

Thanks everyone.  I did write things down the second time I went to the doctors and have also written some notes to take to my counselling session.  I do feel quite embarrassed about things, especially having to tell my husband that I am going for counselling.  I'd just rather pretend everything is fine, but of course this only helps for a little while.
Feel like I need permission for everything.  Even posting on here took me several attempts because I don't feel that my problems are 'worthy' enough to qualify.  Sounds silly doesn't it?
Thank again.  x

[Ruth]

Hi. I'm new here and people have been very supportive, it helps 2 find people who understand what you are talking about. Regards feeling your problems are not "worthy" enough to qualify it does not sound silly. When I was first diagnosed I was convinced it was all my fault and I was not bad enough to need help, even as the doc and friends were telling me I did. Years later and I still find it hard 2 accept I actually have a illness and someone has not made a mistake. Part of the illness is that I blame myself for everything that goes wrong. Part of me still believes I am being lazy and hysterical. There are people far far worse than me with "real" problems and it makes me feel pathetic and selfish. HOWEVER when I am feeling more rational I know I do have an illness that affects my life and therefore needs to be treated. You are being very brave for recognizing the problem and taking steps to get yourself better. I wish you luck.

[Luna99]

Thank you that means a lot. x

[CharleysAngel']

Hi Luna and welcome to the forum x

Don't ever feel that you need to 'snap out of it' just because you have some good days as well as bad days. I think that most people who have depression will have some good days, doesn't mean that they don't need help of some sort.

I hope your counselling session goes ok and things start to look up for you soon xx

[Ezel]

Hi Luna, I recently completed online CBT and had telephone support which has helped me.

[Luna99]

Glad it has helped you Pip.  Am really hoping I can change the way I think about things with CBT.  It is exhausting feeling guilty all of the time and beating myself up over every little thing.  Do you think it can work without medication as I am not on any at the moment and am not keen to go back on any after I have had a few bad experiences with it in the past.

Thanks everyone x

[Got]

Luna, you feel depressed and you feel the need to post...so your problems are therefore worthy of this site. It is a good place to learn, understand and get advice.

Sorry to hear that your husband doesn't understand. Have you tried to explain to him the importance of talking?

Steve X

[KateG]

Hey Luna, welcome to the forum

Don't feel like your problems aren't worthy, everyone here understands and will help if they can.

Glad you found us

Kate x

[Luna99]

Thank you everyone.

Steve - I have tried to explain to my husband.  He just doesn't seem to do emotions or talking.  I suppose the thing is that I feel the need to go over things time and time again and he just doesn't see the point.  He says he doesn't know what to say.  I keep trying to tell him that he doesn't have to have the answers but to show that he is listening and that he is at least trying to understand.  I was absolutely dreading telling him about going to the doctors.  He was okay about it in the end, but we didn't really discuss it much.

It is good to be able to talk more freely here.

[Sweetpea]

Glad your husband was ok about the dr's appointment.  Some people find it so hard to know what to say.

As you have said you can talk freely about your feelings and emotions here.

Take care 

S x

[warped]

I am going to try to go to a local church in a few hours. Forcing myself past the threshold of my door, more challenging then what very few friends understand. If fact, probably y i don't hear from them. Which amplifies my depression.
 Don't know what else to say...( newbie )