Hi

[C_C]

Hi,

I'm new on here and have recently been diagnosed with depression which came as a bit of a shock for me. I knew something was wrong but never thought it was so bad that it was depression. I went to see my GP because I couldn't sleep but when I went to the surgery I ended up breaking down and crying hysterically about not being able to sleep and finding little things hard to deal with. My GP made me a coffee and calmed me down then asked me to fill in a questionnaire and then he concluded I was depressed. This sent me back into a sobbing state and I now feel worse than before I went.

I know I haven't been happy for a long time, and I do spend most of my time when I'm on my own crying about how rubbish my life is and I've never been able to understand why I feel this way. I just thought it was normal and that I was being ungrateful. I have a house, a car, a good job, two beautiful children and a caring family, I'm not rich but I have money to do things...how can I be depressed? I shouldn't be!!! Why can't I just accept my life and be happy with it? I'm not in danger, I'm not in a bad relationship, I'm not being abused...what right have I got to be depressed???

My GP has prescribed me with mirtazapine and I have to go back to see him next week to discuss everything in more detail (I couldnt do it first time round because I was in shock and was hysterical). He said the drugs should help me sleep, which they certainly do, but they also leave me feeling numb. Is this normal? Also, since being diagnosed, I feel a hell of a lot worse and people at work have started to notice a change in me. I feel like everyone knows (even though I know they possibly cant!!) and that I am not some sort of outcast because I have a mental health problem. As I am writing this I am thinking I am just attention seeking and that I have no right to feel this way but it wont stop and there are all sorts of thoughts whizzing round my head all of the time. I just want to make it go away but I dont know how to. I dont want to be like this, dependant on drugs to keep me sane.

I struggling to know what to do. I haven't told anyone and I am trying to carry on as normal. I am so frightened of people finding out because I know they wont understand. Is it possible to have this illness and keep it hidden successfully and get better?

I would really appreciate some advice please.

Thank you for reading this.

CC

[caned_and_unable]

Hi, firstly can I say your not alone in your situation and theres always people to talk to on here. It's a horrible place to be when your depressed and I find it real comfort talking to people who understand.  With the feeling worse thing, the antidepressants can make you feel worse before they make you feel better, it's hard at first but try to stick with them hopefully you will reap the benefits soon. I have suffered in silence without telling anybody for quite a while and to be honest it was hell. I find it very hard to open up and always kept everything hidden. I have since opened up to my partner and 2 closest friends and it has lifted a really big weight off my shoulders. They are being really supportive and I'm so glad that I have shared my problems with them. Just by doing that has helped me so much in trying to battle my depression. Remember a problem shared its a problem halved.

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

You are not alone, we all understand depression here and will listen, and help and advise where we can.

I understand your fear of others finding out that you are depressed.  There is such a stigma about mental illness, but so many people suffer, its just something that people don't talk about.

I also understand when you say you have no reason to be depressed, I to have a lovel home, hubby, family etc.  But depression isn't choosy, it can hit anyone, anytime.

If you are concerned about the meds you are on there are many others, maybe speak to your dr about your concerns when you next go.  There is nothing wrong with being on medication, I have been told I may be on them for the rest of my life.  Other people take medication for other conditions so I feel taking medication for depression is no different.

S x

[Jonty]

Hi and welcome to the forum

I'm new to this site as well but even in the short time I've been posting people have been so helpful and understanding and I think that fact is what I would ask you to consider.  You have been able to get your thoughts and feelings down in your first post; I know I felt a little better when I wrote my feelings down the first time.  However, in your own time, you must talk to your family or ask your doctor to refer you for counselling.  I kept everything to myself and did not realise the effect I was having on my wife, not until I drove us apart!  If I had communicated how I felt things might have been different, I would certainly have been different by not bottling things up.

Sorry, don't mean to seem to preach!

Good luck with everything

Regards
John

[Ezel]

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[C_C]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you for reading my post and for sharing your thoughts and experiences, I really do appreciate them.

I think I need to take some time out to come to terms with whats going on and I'm starting to realise there isn't going to be a quick fix to make it all better.

I just hope next week comes around quickly so I can see the GP again, feeling kind of scared with it all.

Thank you once again.

CC

[Sweetpea]

 &*( for you.  It took me a long time to realise that there is no quick fix and that you need to take time to let yourself heal.  Someone once told me to look at it as baby steps and not to ask to much of ourselves.

I understand you being scared, its only natural.

Take care

S x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, my first (and major) breakdown was a shock to me - talk to your doctor about your concerns about the meds you have npbeen prescribed, different types suit different people best, for instance Lustural made me hyper and I needed to change from them to citralopram, I too may be on them for the rest of my life and when I told my GP  I didnt like that idea he asked me if I'd feel the same if I had diabetes or a heart condition which helped put hings into perspective a bit.

I dont tell people about my illness because of the stigma attached, we are very good at putting a front for those that dont need to know but it does put extra stress on us at times unfortunately

As shaz says dont rush things, allow yourself to rest when you feel the need and give yourself time to recover

Z xx

[Ezel]

I am very good at putting on a front due to the stgma with depression.  This is one of the points for having a safe haven to share with other people who do understand.

[KateG]

Hi and welcome. Just to echo what other people have said, you're not alone, we understand here. No-one will judge you.

I'm on mirtazapine too, but I don't know if it works apart from to make me sleep and make me hungry

Kate x