A new member wanting to say hello

[Jonty]

Hi

My name's John and I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.  I've read some of the posts and can empathise with a lot of what is written but not all of it as I never had any issues with depression until the last 2 or 3 years.  In that time I've lost my job, my integrity has been questioned and my wife and I have separated.  To cap it all she has taken up with someone else almost as soon as I was out the door.  The damage to our relationship is a lot down to the impact on me of the employment and financial situation changing and damaging me as a person until I'm not sure she liked me very much.  I'm not sure I liked myself if I am honest.  Our lovely house is being put up for sale and our differences would appear to be irreconcilable.  I have had some very dark thoughts and have tried to deal with things myself; I have been sustained by the fact I have two wonderful boys who I idolise and who love their dad and have been great for me.

Sleep or lack of it seems to be my biggest issue.  I wake up very early with too many not very nice thoughts invading my semi conscious mind almost immediately.  Concentration during the day is then difficult because I'm tired and when I cannot concentrate on my small business the horrible thoughts re-occur and the downward spiral begins yet again.  I keep this away from the kids when they are with me (I think I do anyway, I'm pretty good at burying things mentally) but I have decided to go and see my GP.  However, I really do not want to go on tablets and would prefer to get involved in some counselling just to help me to start to move on.  I'll see what the doctor says when I go to see him tomorrow (Wednesday).

I'm sorry for going on so much but outside of one or two people I've never talked about this in any depth and I'm grateful for this forum letting me "share" my feelings.  Any advice on avoiding using anti-depressants would be welcome.

Best regards

John

[KateG]

Hi John and welcome to the forum.

I hope your GP can help you tomorrow, and that you get a counselling referral

&*(

[Sweetpea]

Hello John and  .>, to the forum,

Its good that you are going to your dr tomorrow.  Please try and make sure you tell him/her how you are feeling and whats been happening in your life.  Maybe write things down so you can take it with you.  I hope he can sort some form of counselling out for you.  He/she may suggest meds along with therapy, there is no shame in taking meds and I believe meds along with the right type of therapy can work well.

Take care

S x

[Ezel]

 .>,

[Jane]

Hi John, had to smile at your signing in name as we had a nickname for our daughters hat of Jonty (she wore it at a jaunty angle all the time). Sorry just a random thought.

Welcome - I'm another newbie here and have just been last week to see my GP. I came away with Vitamin B6 for a month to see if that helps. I like you have had invading thoughts, I'm having the opposite issue with sleep where I'm tired all the time at the moment though. I have had in the past a 3am sleep issue so can relate to the issues of getting through the day.
I have girls too so am trying  keep my issues to just my hubby and I.. I don't know if it works but I hope so.

The advice is good about writing things down.. I am going to steal that piece of advice I think as I didn't tell my GP half of whats been going on as I ws fighting tears.

I'm sorry about your work situ and relationship too, hard times for sure.

Hope Dr is able to help.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, I hope your doctor is helpful, I do agree with shaz about medication as I find a combination of meds and counselling works best for me

Z xx

[Buttercup]

Hi Jonty, and welcome to the forum.  Hope it goes well for you at the doctors tomorrow.  Have you thought about writing some of your thoughts down incase it is difficult for you to express them?

[Jonty]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply.  Although I'm new to the forum, what was obvious even before I posted anything was that there were a number of very caring people contributing and posting and trying to make people's lives better by their efforts.

There is some great advice here and I will look to write some things down before I see the GP.  I'm not sure how you distil the pain of 3 hellish years into a 10 minute consultation but jotting down the things I want to get across has to be a good start so thanks for the suggestion.

My aversion to taking meds has nothing to do with me feeling any shame or anything like that.  My mother in law has been on various meds at different times over a number of years but initially, they do seem to numb her to what is happening around her and I just cannot take the chance of that happening to me because it would limit how I take my business forward and my ability to spend time with the kids.  Also, I've spent my life burying things in my sub conscious (part of my problem with my estranged wife because we stopped communicating) and I think counselling would help alleviate some of the pain this approach is now causing; almost everything brings the pain to the surface at the moment?

Jane, if you've got this far in the post, your anecdote about your daughter's hat made me smile.  A very dear friend who died tragically a number of years ago used to call me Jonty (she was the only one who ever did and I never knew why) so when I was registering the name came to mind with a smile for all the lovely memories I have of her and her family.

I will let you all know how I get on at the GP's once I've been tomorrow.

[Buttercup]

I was on antidepressants for a while, I took Prozac (Fluoxetine).  It made me feel a bit rubbish for 2 weeks then I was fine, I think that one tends to give people energy.  I didn't like the idea of meds but I got to the point where something had to be done and there can be a waiting list for counselling etc.  I would have a chat with your GP about the different options you have.

Good luck tomorrow  :)

[KateG]

That's a lovely story about your user name Jonty

I understand your concern about the numbing effects of medication, I think you should explain this to your GP too and see what he/she can suggest.

Hope it goes OK

[Jonty]

KateG and Buttercup, thanks for the advice and sharing your experiences with me.  I am a little nervous about going tomorrow because I'm not used to sharing how I feel with anyone (which is part of my problem) but I just need to put my trust in the GP.

KateG, I'm pleased the anecdote about the name made you smile.  The lady in question was called Joyce; she died of bowel cancer 9 years ago after a long and painful illness.  She was only 42 when she died and had been mis diagnosed because of her relative youth; the medics just did not think she could have bowel cancer at her age!  A lot of time has passed and I can now think about all the good memories from times spent with her, her husband and two children but I do miss her and I never got the chance to ask where she got the name Jonty from!

[HalfEmpty]

Hi Jonty,

I am new here too and I have taken a lot of advice from lovely people.  Just want to wish all the best with your doctors tomorrow. I can remember my husband being very skeptical about medications and counselling when he started seeing his GP months and months ago.  He refused all meds and counselling offer, and these past few weeks, things got into peak and he ends up[ in crisis.

I think if you could get there before its too late, recovery will be a lot easier and not going to be traumatic for you and your boys.

Good luck again,
HalfEmpty

[Jonty]

HalfEmpty

Thanks for sharing that with me.  I am averse to taking meds but I need to do something and intrying to learn about what is going on with me, counselling is, I think, the best way forward for me.  Will see what the Dr says tomorrow,

I have read some of your posts and realise you are having it pretty tough at the moment.  You seem to be hanging in there and I wonder if previously you have been a half full sort of person?  I have always been an optimist but the last 3 years have eroded this self belief and I wonder if something similar has gone on with you?

I hope things work out for your and your husband and I will make sure I look out for your posts.

Regards

Jonty

[Jonty]

Hi everyone

I just wanted to say that after putting it off for weeks, I went to the doctors today and talked to her about the way I feel and why I think I feel this way.  I explained that I did not want to take anti depressants and she refused to give me sleeping tablets which is probably a good thing since I hate taking tablets.  I explained that after years of bottling things up, I felt I needed to talk to someone who was not family or a friend, someone who could be objective and challenge my not very good view of the world.  The doctor has referred me to an organisation called "Let's Talk" which has a waiting list but she believes that they should be in touch within 3 weeks.

Has anyone any experience of "Let's Talk" that I could draw on?  I guess they are probably only as good as the counsellor you get but I do feel better for having taken this first step.

Best regards

Jonty

[Buttercup]

You have def taken the first steps so a big well done  :)

It's true what you said that counselling is only as good as the report you build with the counsellor.  I have no experience of lets talk, sorry.

I did have CBT for a while but am no longer eligible as my 'problem' is too complex for them, or thats what they say!

Doctors don't like prescribing sleeping tablets which is a good thin, i guess.  I did get some eventually but that that was mainly as I was high so they needed to bring me down quickly as opposed to the sleep issues.

Hope you hear something soon.xxx