To start with I am not a suffer, but trying to be a carer. My wife had a breakdown in november and was told initial it was depression, but has now been told it is bipolar. I think I could deal with the depression as I could see possibly an end with meds and counselling. The bipolar frightens me.
My wife having bipolar has changed the way I feel about her, I love her more as there is a reason for the rows and need to phone in all the time when i was out the office and other things, it was not her but a different person.
Sorry if I ramble this the second time I have written this as I was timed out last time.
I am finding it difficult to talk about my wife illness with other people, spoke to my brother at the weekend and was in floods. I was crying the first time I wrote, but I think the act of writing has helped me
I have only skirted round the issue with my manager and have mentioned bipolar
I think things came to a head this Morning when I was downstairs with our youngest he is not a good sleeper, and was looking at the forum pages on relationships, I don't think I picked the best ones as there talked of meds not working and couples splitting up, and I did not want that to happen to us.
I spend parts of the bitting my lip to stop the crying in front of the kids, cried in the car on the way to work and spent about ten minutes in car crying and trying to compose myself. I was supposed to go to a pointless meeting but I had said I might be late because my wife was ill. In the end I did not need to go, but it was a good thing as I may have dissolved or told them they were more important things in life. My wife was angry as she says I must get on.
I know that my wife finds comfort in the forum and gives her a place to talk, but all I want to do is to help her, and I don,t always now the right to do it.
I know that my wife wants to talk to people so I bottle up things as I had reactive depression after my father died due to not being to save him when he had a heart attack at home.
With the kids I is a bit busy I can't always give my wife all the time I want, and I am very busy at work till the end of month, and most nights after putting her to bed with her sleeping at ten I work till about one, I should be working now but my computer link is not working. At Easter I will have some time off and we can do something as a family, or if my mother-in-law babysitters just the two of us. I don't thing the late nights are helping my emotions I find to cry anyway, crying buckets when the father returns in the Railway Children.
Today I did something I probably should not have and looked at my wife's journal, not to pry or to judge, but to see how she feels, as I am not there all the time I want to be I know I might be smothering her but I just want to hold her tight in my arms and not let her go, and to protect her from those that don't understand or want. I know I need to learn how did with her moods and together with the right meds and counselling and support she will get though. And maybe something good will come out of the blackness of the breakdown, in that will be able to deal with her past and sort out things and find happiness, in the way I got something out off my depression, in giving up work, going to uni and meeting my wife.
I feel better for writing this and would all like to thank all the people who are giving my wife support, and hopefully if I am feeling down or loss and need some help I will be able to call on you
Sorry it's full of errors but cannot seem to edit more than the window.
Things came to a head this when I was downstairs with our youngest at 3 in the morning, and was reading some of the posts on relationships, I must have picked the
