Hi

[Ruth]

Hi. I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea, but I thought I would give it a go. I suppose I am just looking to talk to people might understand, so I do not feel so trapped. I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago and am now 28. I'm not taking any medication at the moment having been put off by a bad experience. For me personally medication has only ever masked the problem. I have been undergoing cbt for the last 4 months and am not really finding any improvement. So far all it has done is emphasise the problems I already knew I had, and make me feel guilty and frustrated that I am not making any progress. I desperately want to make my life better, but I am scared and find it hard to imagine a future better than this. I find it very hard to believe I will ever be different from how I am now. I am worried that the cbt will not work if I hold this attitude and am getting to the point where I do not want to go anymore. Anyway, hi.

[Sweetpea]

Hello Ruth and welcome to the forum,

We all understand here, this is a very friendly and supportive forum.

I have personally found (after 6 years of suffering) that the right medication, councelling and learning to rest and not ask to much of myself is the way forward.

But everyone is different.

S x

[KateG]

Hi Ruth and welcome. This place is such great support and everyone understands here

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, I agree with shaz, the right medication in conjunction with counselling works for me too, its finding the right medication and type of counselling that seems to be important

Z xx

[Ezel]

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[Ruth]

Thanks for taking the time to reply, it is much appreciated. I'm beginning to think that starti anti-depressants again would help me to concentrate on the cbt and give me some motivation to get going again. What worries me is the last lot gave me panic attacks that never really went away until I stopped taking them after a 18 months. I am now scared of what others might do to me. Also and probably more importantly they make it just bearable enough to live with the depression but I never seem to make any progress or solve the problems causing it. I become complacent and give up. The meds keep me functioning and nothing more. I made myself a promise that I was going to not let myself get so low without meds that I couldn't function and am starting to think I'm being unrealistic. I thought I was going to ask a question here but I guess I'm just rambling as there is no real right or wrong answer. I don't know whether I'm asking myself to do more than I can or whether I'm making excuses and doing less than I can. Does that make sense? 

[solo]

Hi Ruth

Welcome to the forum )

I have recently started back on anti-depressants after a 5 month break. Unfortunately I didn't recognise the signs of the depression creeping back until I hit a really rocky patch. A friend of mine doesn't like that I'm on medication but I explained that I need it to make me feel better enough to get help. Without the medication I am just not motivated to get myself better. The doctors didn't get my medication right the first time (or even the second and third) but we got there in the end.

I hope that you find this site of some help

Solo x

[caned_and_unable]

Hi ruth, I am also 28 suffering from depression. Prozac gave me panic attacks but I have since changed to citalopram and touch wood I've been ok on that side. Not done owt for my depression yet but it's early days so will hopefully get sorted soon. I'm sure if you wanted to go down the medication route there will be something that works for you it's just trial and error. Hope you get sorted soon.

[Ruth]

Thanks. I know i am just being irrational and letting the fear of the sideaffects outweigh the possible benefits. My Doc is very good and four months ago perscribed me an SNRI as I had had most of the SSRI's. I was too chicken to take it, especially as I stupidly looked up the withdrawal symptoms and the side affects. I just can't go back to having panic attacks I had on prozac. They are almost worse than the depression.
Logically, i may never have the sideaffects and will cope with them as they happen. It could help me be more stable and start working on some changes. On the other hand i may make myself worse and get stuck on a set of tablets that are messing with the chemical ballance of my brain. Possibly long term.
The psychologist i see has told me that CBT works better when people are on medication, but she understood why i did not want to take them. She said it was my decision. That was four months ago and my dertermination and motivation to get better are starting to slip away. The tablets would help this.
The mental health key worker I first saw 5 months ago told me that venalflaxine can cause heart problems and it is recomended that if I take them I have regular e.c.g.'s He said that for some people AD's just were not the answer. I know it is just one opinion, but it worries me.
I am starting to get to the point where i cannot cope like this any more. I have tried really hard over the last couple of days to get myself motivated and have ended up making myself totally manic, trying to do a million things and talking non-stop like a crazy person. There seems to be no middle ground. I do nothing or everything.
I don't see anything wrong with taking a tablet every morning for the rest of my life if it made things better not worse. I just don't want to start taking them as an opt out because i am not strong enough to do it without them. I feel like I would be looking for a miracle cure, which does not exist. I feel like I would be fooling myself into taking them as any easy way out which i know does not exist. I do not mean that to be offensive to any one who does take AD's. Honest. Sorry I am a little paranoid today. "£"
I think i am going to speak to the psych and maybe get another appointment at the doc's to have a chat about meds.

[caned_and_unable]

Hi, I was given propanalol for my panics when I was on prozac which worked but unfortunately got bad migranes in the end. There is stuff that the doctor can give you for side effects for short term use but they are a bit tight at giving them out so have to really nag at them. I hope you find something that works for you, maybe trying an snri isn't such a bad idea seems a you've tried most ssri's. I think I've read somewhere that they are "supposed" to kick in quicker than ssri's around the 2 week mark. Not totally sure tho maybe have to look that one up.

[Ruth]

Thank you for all your comments.   *(*