Want this to go away

[donnat]

Hi, I am new to this so please be kind.

I just don't know who to turn to, family and friends are just getting annoyed with my crying and numbness. This isn't like me. I can normally hide my problems and carry on as a cheery, bubbly person. I can't deal with anyone else telling me to snap out of it, and that it will get better.

I moved out of my parents recently and it has just hit me like a brick wall. I wake up at 5am every morning, have panic attacks when I am on my own, just want to go home and cry non-stop. I haven't eaten in 6 days and I don't know how much more I can take. I keep thinking about how to get this to stop and that scares me.

[Zaf]

hi donnat,  have you been to see a doctor and explained how you feel?  You could well be helped by medication and/or counselling - if you have already seen a doctor then you need to go back to say how bad things are.

If you get totally desperate please phone the samaritans or out of hours GP, and we will do what we can to support you too

Z xx

[Ezel]

 .>, sometimes it easier to talk to strangers than family.  We are here for you.

[Desperado99]

 .>,

You're not alone, and there are alot of supportive people on here.

I began with my anxiety stuff in december, and I used to wake early feeling terrified etc, and wanting to go 'home' to mum and dad (I should point out that I'm 38 and have been married for 14 years with a child of my own   ). I just wanted to be 18 again and have someone look after me.

But, anyway........ have you been to your GP? They can be very helpful and understanding about it........ mine gave me some meds (which took while to take effect) and a referral for therapy (which has been the most useful for me).

As everyone has said to me, you are stronger than you think you are.

Hang in there  &*(

[donnat]

I just burst into tears because it's so nice to feel as if I have someone to listen to me - thank you. I am so pathetic!

I saw my doctor and she prescribed me beta-blockers to help with my anxiety but didn't refer me to a counsellor as she told me by the time I got an appointment I would probably feel fine.

I took it upon myself to see a counsellor - I have my first session last night which involved an hour long session of me crying my eyes out. I did feel slightly better afterwards. But I don't know how many sessions I will be able to afford. I tried to get an appointment for a free session through a few charities but they were 7 week waiting lists and I am so desperate to talk to someone I didn't think I could wait.

My partner is getting fed up with me, he can't understand why I am down and low from moving house, he keeps telling me it should be a happy time and that I am making him feel terrible.

I feel like an idiot, after seeing a counsellor last night there seems to be some deeper issues that I am trying to deal with but I can't understand why it has all just hit me at once. And I really really just need it all to stop, I cannot stand feeling like this, I am scared to go to sleep at night as I know I will feel awful again in the morning.

I can't eat, I feel like I am inadvertently punishing myself for feeling this way.  

[donnat]

.>,


I began with my anxiety stuff in december, and I used to wake early feeling terrified etc, and wanting to go 'home' to mum and dad (I should point out that I'm 38 and have been married for 14 years with a child of my own   ). I just wanted to be 18 again and have someone look after me.

This is EXACTLY how I am feeling I am 27 - and no kids but have been with my partner for 3.5 years x

[Desperado99]

Sometimes it isn't a big thing that sets it off, it's a culmination of lots of little things and you just reach your limit of what you can deal with.

I'm surprised that your GP didn't give you a referral..... mine absolutely refused to just give me meds as she said it wouldn't solve the underlying issues. It may take a month for your meds to kick in, but well done on seeking out counselling yourself! that's really proactive and you should be proud of yourself for doing that. I had to wait a couple of months for my first session, but I got some books out of the library to help myself in the meantime (I'm having CBT therapy).

Have you tried meditation? Youtube have some nice anti-anxiety guided meditations - I found them good for calming myself down when I'm really struggling.

P.S. you're not pathetic  :)

[Zaf]

see if you have a local MIND centre near you, they will do cheaper counselling if you are unwaged or on a low income - I went to see a counsellor privately too because of the long waiting list, I think I had six or eight sessions maximum and then decided I could cope on my own but have always got the opportunity to go back again if I need to

Z xx

[donnat]

I have been told by a few friends to try meditation. Not quite sure where to start but I will look into it.

I am glad someone else understands how I feel. I wake up around5/5:30am every morning and just feel like my heart is being ripped out and someone is repeatedly kicking me in the stomach. My heart feels like its going to come right out my chest it's pounding so hard.

I think I will go back to the doctors and explain things are not getting much better. I just keep thinking of the easiest way to make it stop, then I remember my family and my boyfriend and I realise how selfish I am being. I just hurt so much, my heart just hurts and I can't understand why.  

[donnat]

see if you have a local MIND centre near you, they will do cheaper counselling if you are unwaged or on a low income - I went to see a counsellor privately too because of the long waiting list, I think I had six or eight sessions maximum and then decided I could cope on my own but have always got the opportunity to go back again if I need to

Z xx

I did have a look for MIND but the nearest was around 15/20 miles away

[Zaf]

unfortunately ours is too and in the city (Ive got a thing about driving and parking in busy places) but I was fortunate to find a local person that wasnt too expensive :)

I use meditation and it works well for me, there are several different types so if the first way doesnt work for you then try another one

Z xx

[Desperado99]

I have been told by a few friends to try meditation. Not quite sure where to start but I will look into it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh-klfBJlHc

I quite like this one..... (I like the ones that tell me what to do, and I like plinky plonky music) It's mainly about deep breathing which does help me.

[donnat]

Yes the counsellor yesterday told me to do some breathing exercises so hopefully it will help!

Thank you - seriously. That feeling in my stomach has died down a little just knowing there is someone for me to talk to. xxx

[KateG]

Welcome to the forum donnat. I've had people telling me to pull myself together too, but slowly they've learnt that I can't just do that. We're all here to listen &*(

[Sweetpea]

Hi and welcome to the forum,  I can understand how you are feeling, saying 'pull yourself together' really is not helpful.  But people that have never had depression do not know how badly it affects us.

We all understand here.

S x