Am just feeling very confused at the moment. Keep thinking I probably have depression, then I think I am just suffering with stress and anxiety. Think I have always had social anxiety but never realised until now. As I said in my first post, I have always been prone to low moods and difficulty managing my emotions, but in the last 18 months or so since my dad passed away, I have been struggling more than usual - not deeply depressed but dead/numb/empty inside. Didn't have a fantastic relationship with my dad but even so, it has been quite an ordeal in some ways. Have had lots of very minor things alongside this over the past few years - all seem trivial, but combined I think they have almost sent me over the edge.
The past 4 weeks have been particularly bad. Have been just about coping while I have the weekday routine of work, kids to school etc, but come the weekend, my mood drops and I have been very tearful, sometimes panicky and always exhausted. Even simple little things like clearing the dinner table or loading the washing machine have had me in tears. It is hard also trying to hide it form the kids and then I feel guilty for not enjoying them. Feel like i'm missing out and should just 'snap out' of things.
I have started to feel slightly better in the last 4 days. A visit from my sister, which initially sent me into a panic of 'I can't cope' seemed to be a welcome distraction and going back to the doctors feels like a positive step. I just have a long wait now for an initial counselling appointment.
Does this mean I am not really depressed if little things can lift my mood? I am glad to be feeling a bit better, but am a bit anxious about going downhill again. I also feel like a bit of a fraud. I am generally quite a lonely person and this is why I am thinking along the lines of social anxiety.
