Hi, newbie here

[Bubblemama]

Hi.
Don't really know where to start. I am new to forums and not sure how or where to start. I seem to be really weak, low and don't know where to turn to. I am married with 2 children. I am a stay at home mum which I now partly believe is my main problem. I absolutely detest being on my own. My husband is a shift worker and works some extreme shifts which means I am on my own a lot. I have a little bit of history. I had an extremely happy childhood and was extremely close to my dad. When I reached 12 my dad had an affair and left with no prior warning. I was heartbroken and spent 2 years nursing my mum through anorexia and a cancer scare. I got back in contact with my dad at 14 and became close again. At 15 I came home from school to find my mum had left. I was completely alone. I heard nothing from her for 3 years. My grandparents took me in and cared for me. I think my problems may stem from there. I constantly worry my husband will abandon me. I have been having anxiety attacks recently. My dad has been the only person I can talk too. I am now so low I have such a bleak outlook on life. I don't want my children growing up exposed to this. I have refused all medication from my gp as I don't want to take it. Would be nice to hear from someone who has experienced anything like this. Sorry for babbling on x

[Zaf]

I'm not surprised you're depressed and ave feelings of insecurity, may I ask why you dont want to take medication?

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

It sounds totally understandable that you are suffering with depression.  Have you had any counselling to help you deal with the many emotional things that have happened to you.

Oh and  .>, to the forum.

S x

[Bubblemama]

Thank you for your replies. I have always felt that if I took medication it would only mask the problem and.I would.still have to face everything when I came of them. I have considered.counseling but can't afford private counselling. Is it something that I could ask my gp to refer me for?

[Sweetpea]

I personally think medication can work with other therapy.  I take anti-depressants and have counselling.  You can get counselling on the nhs which you could ask your dr about.  Where I live it would have taken over a year as the waiting list is so long.  I go through MIND and its £35.00 per session, but its £15.00 if you are on any benefit.  You can negociate with them if you have a low income.  They are very helpful you can find your local centre by just entering MIND into your search engine.

Take care

S x

[Bubblemama]

Thank you for.your reply. I will make an appointment in the morning to see my gp. I have been putting it off all week. I think in a way I am ashamed of feeling like I do. I have always.been a strong person but recently have struggled to see a point in things. I thank u again. All the comments r helping x

[Sweetpea]

Please don't feel ashamed, you are ill and its nothing to feel ashamed off.  I am glad that you are going to make an appointment with your gp. I do hope you get on ok with your appointment.

Take care

S x x

[KateG]

Hi and welcome to the forum. Hope your GP appointment goes ok

Kate x

[Zaf]

I'd say the same as shaz,  medication with counselling works best for me too,  there is no shame in being depressed, its an illness, do you think you'd feel the same if you had a heart condition?

Z xxx

[Glen53]

I had the same thoughts on medication as you but after giving it a chance i now believe it can work with therapy very well. Im not a big fan of taking pills with no therapy though.

How would you feel talking to a councilor about these things? The stigma tends to make people feel they are unable to cope on their own and are weak sometimes but its so far from the truth. I see my councilor more of a 'life coach' than anything else and he has really helped me through. 

If you see your GP and he has difficulty getting you counciling and you would like to try it then come back to us on here and several of us may be able to suggest organisations that can help you.

Take care.

[Bubblemama]

Wow thank you everyone for your replies and kindness.
Unfortunately I can't get a gp appointment until Tuesday but still I've made the step of making an appointment which is a big thing for me.
I have considered counselling but it is out of my price range at £40+ per session and I don't qualify for any discounts. I am going to see if my gp can refer me for some kind of help as I have come to realise that I cannot go on like this. I understand I have issues and they need to be addressed. I have had enough of putting on a brave face and forcing a smile so everyone thinks I'm fine and dandy. My dad has been a huge help to me. He's listened, given me advice but he now believes I need a little intervention. I suppose he's fed up of my 3am frantic phonecalls.
Thanks again to everyone who has replied. You r giving me advice which.is going to help me through until Tuesday x

[Zaf]

its a big step to go to the doctor but an important one,  its well worth asking for counselling via your GP but sometimes you need to  wait a fair amount of time unfortunately,  MIND do cheaper counselling and much cheaper if you are unwaged or on a very low income.

I find it useful to take a list of things I need to tell the doctor as when I get in there I'm a blubbering wreck and if the worst comes to the worst I can give him my bit of paper,  it might be helpful to do the same, I think several of us do it and it helps quite a bit.

Hope it all goes well Tuesday xxx

[Glen53]

Good luck on Tuesday  :)

[Bubblemama]

Thank you. I have just bought a notebook in order to write down my feelings as I'm sure I'm going to be a blubbering wreck too x

[Desperado99]

Good luck for tuesday  :)

I'm having CBT counselling through my GP (on the NHS) it took awhile to get an appointment but it's worth it. I've also had a couple of books from the library that have helped me. I was also offered meds (which I took), but the GP was very insistent that I had counselling.

In the meantime, have you tried meditation? it may help when you are feeling anxious. youtube have some nice guided ones:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh-klfBJlHc