Eating?

[Ally]

Does anyone have problems with eating?

I really enjoy food and cooking and eating.
However, over the past week or so, I really only eat because I have to.
After I eat, especially if it's something sweet (cake/chocolate/etc), I actually feel disgusted with myself.

All I seem to be doing is going through the motions. We are going out for a meal tomorrow night with some friends and I really don't want to go as I know that I will clear my plate, then be disgusted with myself again.

I am not making myself sick to expunge what I have eaten, but it is bothering me.

Ally.
 

[Zaf]

I comfort eat when I have depression and I hate myself for it,  I havent actually ever made myself sick afterwards but have thought about it on a fair few occasions

[supportme]

I hope no one experiences the pain I suffered at the hands of anorexia. It was such a dark, and lonely place, yes, that's right, it is a symptom of depression.
However, I survived, and I can write about this 6 years later, having been in remission the whole time. I am not at all scared that it will return, because I am beginning to concentrate on myself and acknowledge and accept the cause my depression.

If anyone wants to talk to me pm me. I will use the forum, but just for pm. I have a lot of value experience that may help people on here. The man I saw yesterday for my first CBT session suggested I do my postgrad in Clinical Psychology- be like him :).

Ally I pm you
xx

[Zaf]

there is a private space for members to post in if you would like access to it?

[supportme]

Yes please Zaf, I have lots of friends on here. I want to offer my help. xxx

[Zaf]

I'll do it now supportme, you should see a section called 'our private space'  if not pm me and I'll check I did it right!

xx

[Munchroom]

Ally - I could have written that post.

When I was first ill with depression I found it very difficult to eat - I was so anxious that my stomach was in knots all the time and I lost weight.

I've never been big, but that feeling of being small and of having that ability to get smaller has stayed with me. I gained back a bit of weight at the end of last year and I hate myself for it. I am terrified now of putting weight on. Everything I eat, I look at all of the nutritional information - I survive on veg, ryvitas and diet coke throughout the day and then feel massively guilty when I eat a 'big' meal - which is probably smaller than a normal portion of food and usually something pretty healthy like a stir fry.

Last week on the way back from our holiday we had a Burger King... It tasted good, but every mouthful I hated myself more and more for - all I could think of was the saturated fat, the calories, the salt.... and yet I still ate it, which I am still disgusted at myself for. When we got home I ate nothing for the rest of the day and I was very strict with myself the next day, almost like I was punishing myself for having something I indulge in once in a blue moon.

I am constantly looking at other people and comparing my size to them. I know I'm not big but I am so scared of getting any bigger. I watch programmes like supersize vs superskinny and find myself fascinated by the issues raised. I also scarily see habits I have relfected in those that eat tiny portions and survive on very little.

xx

[supportme]

I am sorry, Munchroom. I think you should keep a very close eye on these thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I think you should speak to your gp the next time you see them. Your relationship will food does not sound healthy. I don't want to scare you, but I of all people know.

Pm if you want to talk. I am so ready to talk about my experiences, and help in any way.

Thank you xxx

[Munchroom]

Thankyou Supportme - I have pm'd you xx

[smirfy21]

I can relate to this, I suffer from bulimia and it very much stems from my depression and bipolar disorder. It is all about control for me, I love food but hate the way it makes me feel.

[lost rolex]

strange as i eat kebabs, pizza, load on the salt, all the &$%+e you can think of, spam on toast sausages every day and smoke 30 too 40 ciggys, and the odd cherry tomato  i could be trying suicide the long way round.



before my accident at work i was 12 stone and like a brick &$%+house strong sturdy robust 6 pack, now at 16 stone and growing i feel the pressure  

[Rycing]

I have never suffered an eating disorder, but when I am depressed I crave carbs and salt....crisps, bread, chips, mash. But sometimes I'm so poor at making a decision I can't decide what to eat and just don't really fancy anything.

[Zaf]

Carbs, salty and sweet things are my cravings when depressed

[Sweetpea]

Snap. Same for me.

S x

[Munchroom]

How did thisevening go Ally? Xx