Hello

[Sigh]

Hi everyone, I've just joined. 

Not sure where to post for "support", I am suffering badly from depression after separating from my wife on New Year's Day    she had changed through her recovery within AA and decided she no longer needs me in her life.  That is on top of redundancy last October.  Not sure how many stools that falls between?  I've been seeing a counsellor for about 3 months, and on Citalopram for about 5 weeks but seem to be going backwards.

Anyway, hello.  I'm 47 years old and seriously hope that life can be better than this again, one day soon would be good!

Simon

[Sweetpea]

Hi Simon and  .>,,

We have a great bunch of people here, everyone understands and will listen and help where they can.

S x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome :)

[Sigh]

Thanks both for your replies.  Am really trying to lift myself, but just cannot do it.

[Sweetpea]

Do you have regular checks with your dr? It maybe worth having a chat with him/her and saying how you are feeling.  Maybe it would be worth trying a different anti-depressant.

Take care

S x

[Sigh]

I'm seeing the Dr every two weeks, the latest appointment was yesterday.  He knows how I am and I think he may up the dosage next time if I am no better.  Five weeks on Citalopram, 10mg for the first 4 days and 20mg ever since.

This week has been pretty bad despite having hopefully agreed finances with my wife.  I am just forever worrying about my future and feeling like I will be alone, currently back with my mother and beeing quite ratty towards her a lot of the time.

[Jae]

Hi Sigh, and welcome.  I'm not sure if it will be of any help to you, but just wondered if you were aware there is a sister support group to the AA which helps people who have been affected by someone else's drinking .. and that can be whatever effect it has had, including what you are going through now.  It might not be for you, it isn't for everyone, but here is a link to their website anyway .. http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/ .. they have meetings all over the country, and even just a call to them might be of some comfort to you.  When someone else is drinking, not only do they need help with their recovery, but other people who have been affected by it often need help with their own recovery from the experience, too.

[Zaf]

It does take a few weeks for the meds to kick in properly, I'm on citralopram and I think it was about 8 weeks till my dose was put up to 40mg even though I'd taken that amount before, my GP said it was necessary to start on a low dose and build up to avoid nausea and other side effects

xx

[Sweetpea]

Its very difficult when you split from a relationship, I remember when it happened to me, I remember thinking the same as you, that I would never be happy again, but  I have now met my soul mate (I know it sounds cheesy) but sometimes things happen for a reason.  I can also understand you getting ratty with your mum, we tend to take it out on the ones nearest to us.

Take care

S x

[Ezel]

 .>,

[KateG]

Hi and welcome

[Sigh]

Thanks to everyone for the welcomes.

@Jae - thanks for the al-anon link.  I did go to 5 meetings at the same time I started the counselling but I didn't really connect with it.  It was suggested to me a couple of years ago by Relate but I didn't go (didn't feel I needed to), though I think the truth is that had my wife never been an alcoholic she would probably have never married me - she married because she needed someone in her life and she felt I was the best she would get.  Now she deals with life differently she no longer needs me.  It may be that if I had changed with her it would be different, but the only group I could get to at the time was all female so there was no one there to be my sponsor and take me through things.

@Zaf - thanks for the Citalopram info. After the first week I felt they were doing something, but that gave me "false positives" in that I was seeing hope for the relationship that wasn't there.  I was on Seroxat in the mid-90s and am sure I felt less depressed than I am on Citalopram, but I guess it is still early days.

@Shaz - nothing cheesey at all.  Not only have I lost my wife, but she was also my soulmate and best friend. Plus losing the "relationship" with work after 27 years with the same company and its all knocked me sideways in a very big way.  It is the lost future that I am probably mourning more than the past.

Because of sorting our finances and a couple of other things, I have met my wife several times since I moved out.  One of the hardest things to deal with is that the way she is towards me is like there has never been a relationship between us in the first place.  She has switched to being a friend and that comes across as a bit callous at times, but I guess she is better dealing with it than I am because she wanted it and I didn't.  She has been on anti-depressants for years so they may be helping her deal with things as well.

Apologies if I should be posting this in another part of the forum but I wasn't sure where was best. 

[Jae]

@Jae - thanks for the al-anon link.  I did go to 5 meetings at the same time I started the counselling but I didn't really connect with it. 

No worries, I thought I would just mention it in case you'd never heard of it (not a lot of people have!).  I have to admit, there were huge chunks of it I didn't really connect with (in fact a good deal of it was totally at odds with my own 'spiritual' beliefs) .. but there was a little phrase they used to use there which said "take what you want and leave the rest", so I used to do exactly that .. just take the bits that were really helpful to me and completely ignored the rest of it! 

Best of luck, and KOKO (keep on keeping on).

[Sigh]

Thanks Jae  :)

When my wife first went to AA I went along as moral support 5 or 6 times and I probably identified more with the "shares" there then I did at the Al-Anon meetings.  Thankfully I've never had a drink problem and actually gave up drinking when my wife first told me of the extent of her problem.  Another phrase that AA use a lot is probably causing the difference with the way I am coping compared to her, she now lives "just for today" whereas I worry about the future.  

Thanks again.