new on here and getting worse

[shakyelvis]

Hi everyone

I've been mildly depressed for a few years due to a few things I will mention later. Recently however things have become worse with me suffering in various ways. I have a great job to people looking in but it is my wifes family business, her dad is my boss, I do the job of 4 people in similar work environments elsewhere, I live at work and I am the figure head for all our many customers/members. From the outside I am a very cheery, happy and pleasant person, but this mainly an act I put on. I recieve the flak that those 4 people recieve as well as being a puppet for my boss. Living here also on top of the job is hard as people think I'm at work all the time. My wife has her horse hobby which takes up most of her time. I always push myself to the limit at work to be recognised and when critisism comes I take it very personnally, to the point where Ive been making up arguement replies in my head for when comments are made or even not made. I have these conversations in my head with my boss too. My concentation level is zero along with my ability to plan or even remember simple things. Its like being consumed by everything around me. Only my wife and a couple of mates know of my depression, with anyone not knowing would be majorly surprised at it. My hobby of writing music and songs has suffered and I sleep on most of my time off. I am tetchy with my 2 kids too, which I hate. I sometimes think it would be better to leave home,work and set up alone.

[downbutnotout]

Hi shakyelvis,

In my view it's never a good idea to combine family and work.  From what you say, it seems to me that your father in law is taking advantage of you.  I bet the tightwad doesn't pay you 4 times the salary!  You are unfortunately and literally living your work 24/7 and that can't be right.  You say little about your relationship with your wife.  If you decided to set up on your own would she support your decision?  She sounds as if she is being supportive right now but I really think you should seriously talk it over with her.  To do otherwise could jeopardise your marriage.  I'd say talk it over with your wife and if you have her 100% support I'd take the plunge and set up on your own but if you do make sure that you are financially able to survive hard times.  Best of luck!

[littlebeing]

Hi

I agree that you should talk it over with your wife. It sounds like your job is ruling over you and is the root of your depression, so for it to improve you need to try and address this issue. It really cannot be worth it if it is affecting your home life and relationship with your family. I do know however, that trying to think logically and come to any kind of decision when you suffer from depression is almost impossible.

Maybe your boss should hire extra help. Doing 4 peoples jobs is not good and there are plenty of people looking for work.

Good luck with things

[shakyelvis]

Thanks

strange thing is I enjoy most of my job which is why I push myself. From my wife I get the usuall " try and cheer up" or " there are loads who would like your job". I'm starting to believe it now. BUT, I know I am not right. Even every little twinge I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. Its not normal is it?

[shakyelvis]

Had a couple of really bad days. Yesterday my boss and father in law, said my staff werent working efficiently. I had my number 2 with me. We were both shocked, as I and all the members of our facility know this is not true. I also took it as major slight on my ability. Is it a saving grace that everyone else knows what he like too, or is that just clutching at straws. I hate the feeling that he thinks I'm not doing my job right. The more we tried to explain things the more he put his barriers up. Its like a losing battle everyday. My wife always sides with him also.  Then today I wanted to do something important to me, but had to revolve around her schedule. If I say my peice, all I get is "take some more tablets". Am I overplaying my situation or have I got problems. If it werent for my two beautiful kids I would leave my job and home.

[Matface_lost_in_you]

Its hard for people to deal with depression, you should try to remember this as far as your wife is concerned. I don't think you should runaway. I also don't think you're 'over-playing' your situation. You need to deal with the source of your problems and i'm pretty sure that would help with say, your homelife.
It's majorly obvious that your work is causing your depression, and i believe your depression is in turn creating a visious cycle within your homelife. It may seem drastic to you, and i guess it is. But i would strongly advice you to quit your job - ask yourself; will you ever be happy working there?
Life is way way too short to not live it the way that will make you happy. You definately do not want to get to the end and have nothing but regrets.
Hope this makes sense, maybe it'll help

[Aimez]

I understand how you feel about work in a way if you are depressed and have nothing else going on it consumes you. I am currently a bit obsessed by work doing too much of it and constantly stressing out that I am not good enough. What did you used to do for fun as a hobby?