Suicide

[chilliconcarnage]

I have my crisis team number and some direct numbers to some of the local mental health team but I know I won't use them.  After a few failed attempts I know that when I'm takeing what at the time seems like the right action, I wouldn't want to call them.
When you know your only getting worse and you will probably never get better it's nice to know you have the choice to end things on your own terms and before it gets too bad.  Every day is a battle for me and I personally think everyone has the right to choose what happens to them.

I fully understand what your saying. And can feel what you mean. Its very tough, sometimes nothing else matters but feeling ok again or exiting the earth. But there is a light that never goes out (Yeah I know its a Morrisey lyric..:)), but that light is your inner mind, the part of you that has the fight to go on, to push yourself, to smile when you want to frown. Hold onto it.  (Not saying your suicidal now or anything, Im just sayin :))

[lbruk]

i think the control aspect is very interesting, and certainly that's what suicide would mean to me, finally able to control whats going on, even though it really isn't a very good way of controlling any situation. i have contemplated it, written in my head the last note i would write, there are about 30 different versions. the telephone numbers are useless to me, if i finally decided that was what i was going to do, then why would i call someone to tell them about it? that would defeat the point!

people really didn't see it in me before when i started working out how to do it, they wouldn't see it again, it would just happen. and i would make sure it worked, i wouldn't use it as a cry for help, i wouldn't want anybody to interfere so i would make sure they couldn't.

that's very much where i stand in my mind on suicide, but I'm not in that place at the moment, well, not a lot anymore.

[alancue]

Thanks for all your input on this.
Will I go through with it ? Who knows. What does the future hold ?
I think I like the fact that I feel its the one thing I can still control in my life !
Thanks again everyone.

[Rycing]

Ive thought about it but dont think I could action the thoughts. In the cold light of day I personally think that although it is a release for some, life is a gift (im not religious by the way), and as humans we have to keep going, we are here for a reason, we must be, its not just some random 'happening', as we float through space. As humans I dont think we have worked it out yet..

I feel exactly the same....and it's those thoughts that also stop me....others feel the same....I'm not alone in it. x  :)

[Pete]

I don't really want to delve too deep in this subject but I do feel that it is inevitable. I don't know when but I am certain one day when I know I am beaten I will regain myself and my pride. I know how just not when. There will be no failed attempts, no trial runs, no messing about just one single fail proof method. Yes it will cause upset, yes it will cause embarrassment for those I leave behind but it will be the only way for me and will be the last resort. I will be forgiven by those that know me as they will understand. Until then I will try all they offer, if they succeed then I will be eternally grateful, if they fail I will not suffer and we will all have tried our best. We can't ask for more than that can we.

[harrystrill]

It's a very permanent solution to what I keep being told is a temporary problem but tbh the fear of what comes next stops me . I'm 99 % sure there would be nothing but that 1% ...... Could end up a lot worse than i am now knowing my luck .

[lightenup]

I have seen the devastation suicide leaves behind.  I have had the telephone call from friends who say they understand what I am going through and inform me an acquaintance has committed suicide. (What is that all about!)

But most of all I have had those feelings that I could cop out of all this crap, and yes I tried and failed.  The problem lies is when you get to this stage, everything is pointless and futile.  I ended up sleeping for 24hrs, and was mortified that I done this, the devastation my family would have had is imprinted on my head and I felt really selfish.  Death is final, and the punishment you would leave on your loved ones may lead them to in turn depression.  We owe it to ourselves to fight this crap, and help each other....................pity things weren't more open on the subject