I still want to stop

[Debbs]

I posted in here months ago saying that I wanted to stop hurting myself. And, I'm ashamed to say that I still haven't.

I just don't seem to be able to do it. I'm not strong enough. I don't feel strong enough for anything. I shouldn't be ashamed; I really don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I just feel like I should be able to be strong.

I've had issues with depression for years and more recently anxiety as well. I have recently gone through medication changes. I thought I was doing well, but apparently not. I've started CBT and finally really faced up to my problems. I've stopped using alcohol to make me feel better, drugs and gambling are also a thing of the past.

I just don't know why anymore. At the time it was so that the few people that I know I need in order to be able to cope and survive on any level wouldn't abandon me as others did. But now, I don't feel like I need them and their approval anymore. I feel like I don't need anyone or anything because I'm not sure that any of it really matters.

I haven't cried in well over a year, which I genuinely think is part of my problem as however sad I am, I never get that release. That's why I keep hurting myself.

I've stopped seeing the point in everything. Even though the last few days have gone so well.

I just can't cope anymore.

[Zaf]

You've done incredibly well tackling the drinking, drugs and gambling Debbs, I dont know anything about self harm but I think others might be able to give you some advice  xx

[Sweetpea]

 &*( for you.  You have been very strong already.  I have no experience of self harm either, but as Zaf says maybe others on the forum can give you their advice.

S x

[Liv]

I used to self harm a few years ago and have managed to kick the habit for the most part (I have had about three relapses in the past year or so). I don't know what it is that you do but for me it was just superficial cutting mostly on my arms and some on my legs. Nothing I did was ever too bad since I hardly have scars any more (I can see them but I don't think anyone else would notice) but it looked bad at the time and what used to frustrate me the most was people just telling me to stop. And I got the feeling that these people weren't so concerned with my mental state as with the physical sight of the cuts. My parents just used to tell me to make sure my arms were covered so no one could see or would take away the knife I used and hid in my bedroom and make a huge fuss about the cutting. But all the real damage was inside and that should have been more important than a few bloody scratches on my arms.

What I'm saying to you is that unless the things you are doing to self harm are really dangerous, don't worry so much about the self harm that you end up making yourself feel even worse about things. There is no point making yourself feel more stressed and guilty. However, it isn't good thing to do as it does perpetuate feelings of worthlessness, which isn't good. It is something that you should stop doing but I would say that it is better to concern yourself with slowly getting better mentally and taking care of yourself and then you can phase out the self harming.

I hope this might help you a little bit, I feel like I haven't been very coherent but I'm tired right now. xxx

[emmietaylor]

Ask yourself what you rather be? drinking/drugs/smoking and gambling and feeling low 24/7 or enjoying life and living it to the full.  Well done for quitting all of it it's not worth it. and your damaging your body and mind even more.