oh well - here goes - another newbie

[Spid]

Hopefully this will be okay - the cat is sitting on me and is jealous that my hands are typing and not stroking her.

New to the site but definitely not depression - had episodes since I was about 15 - now 40+ - two lots of post natal and still struggling. Drs now decided my myriad of health issues aren't really, real and I'm depressed and need help. I feel a bit of a fraud as I've coped for years now without intervention. However. . . doc says I am more miserable than I allow myself to admit (she's right - but how would I get on with life otherwise?) I'm a bit of a boot straps girl (pull them up and get on with it!) and am finding this a little weird. I have to go and talk to someone - what will they want to know? Will they judge me? What if I cry in front of a stranger? etc. etc. HOw do I open up after years and years of bottling it up and hiding it all away in the recesses of my brain?

Nice to meet you all.

[Zaf]

Hi spid

Sometimes we simply cant keep pulling up our boot straps and carrying on and allow ourselves a bit of tlc. 

A good counsellor shouldnt judge you, they will be ready with paper hankies as I think many, if not most, of us have a weepy session, and they will knw how to get you to gently open up.  I think most us are anxious about counselling and often feel exhausted afterwards but it definitely helped me on a couple of occasions.

Z xx

[Desperado99]

Hi Spid  :)

As Zaf says, a good counsellor wont judge you, and there's nothing wrong in admitting you need a helping hand.

welcome to the forum.

[Sweetpea]

Hi Spid and welcome,

Agree with whats been said already by Zaf and Desperado.

S x

[Spid]

Thanks for the welcome - I was always brought up to think being depressed equalled being weak - so finding it hard to admit I do need help. DOn't know how to open up either - hubby found the post natal stuff difficult - but he's never really understood how far it went - I protected him from most of it. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. I've signed up on here in secret (sort of - I hope he doesn't discover it) and I haven't told him about the doctors - I still feel he needs protecting form me really. Not his fault I'm a faulty model.

[Zaf]

Modern thinking is that strong people get depression, take a look at this link, there is also a little paperback by the same name that goes into a bit more detail  http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html

If you are worried about privacy there is a section that isnt visible to the general public, if you want access pm me or any of the admin/mods and they'll let you in

[Spid]

Thing is - should I be worried? Or should I trust him? I know he wouldn't look anyway? (Hopefully) Should I go secret or will that just end up compounding things. (I need to stop thinking things so much)

[Sweetpea]

The link that Zaf has given you is very good at explaining things.  I have saved it in my favourites bar, so I can refer back to it.

S x

[Zaf]

Thats a difficult question, its really something only you can decide but perhaps try admitting a little at a time and see how he takes it?

[Sweetpea]

I wouldn't like to say one way or the other. All I can say is that my husband is pleased that I have found somewhere where I can share how I feel with others.

Maybe just mention that you are thinking of joining a depression support forum, and see how he reacts. 

S x

[Spid]

yeah, good idea. I'll go read the link now.

[Spid]

That's definitely me - I cope with whatever rubbish life throws at me no matter what - it's not be an easy time recently and I just forge on and redouble my efforts whilst all the time wanting someone else to help, but never asking. I get cross with those around me - but not at them per-say - at how rubbish I feel about doing all the work etc and every thinking it's what I want. When I so don't.

I was so scared this weekend cos I had an appointment with the doctor and had some blood results to collect - I was praying it would be my thyroid (or something that could be cured easily) but deep down knew she was going to say depression and I didn't want her to. The idea of talking to someone else is very scary too, how do you start with 30 years of 'stuff', won't they just think I'm a moaning ninny? I'm so used to living like this what does normal feel like? Do I want normal?

[Zaf]

A good counsellor definitely wont hink you're a moaning ninny.

I dont know what normal feels like and I may never know, but I do know I dont want to feel so tired and low most of the time....

[Spid]

Don't you ever wonder; when you've been holding it all together; how you can possibly let it all out. I feel if I start I will have a breakdown - but that's failure isn't it (I know not really - but that's what my brain tells me) - that's why I hold on so tight.

[Spid]

Thankyou Zaf - don't know how you do it - being so good to all the newbies on here etc. (not ventured any further yet)