Hi everyone......I just need to talk

[Rebel Ian]

Hi everyone. Where to start? Please don't judge me. I'm Ian and I'm 44.

I guess the first thing to say is I haven't been to my GP yet so don't know if what I'm suffering from is depression, anxiety, panic or something else. I've always been a bit reluctant to talk to anyone as in my own mind....what the hell have I got to be depressed about?? Great family, wife, kids etc. I've no right to be anything other than ecstatic. Except I'm not and I haven't been for as long as I can remember.

I've done things in my personal life that are stupid and could wreck my family and home life. I drink way too much to mask the feelings of being down and as a "pick me up" and have done for the last 25 years. And now, having secured myself a really good job which starts next week I'm now panicking that something I said during the interview process is going to come back and haunt me and I'll lose the job.

I'm never happy unless I've got the buzz of something, like a need for adrenalin but not in the way that makes people leap of tall buildings tied to a rubber band. I just wish I could be content instead of wanting more all the time. I was out shopping at lunchtime and looked at a young girl with downs syndrome and a fleeting thought went through my head that I wished that was me with some sort of illness like that - life would be simpler then. That's a horrid thought isn't it? 

I'm going to ring the doctor once I've finished posting this and book an appointment but just wanted to get a few things off my chest. I feel dizzy at the moment with the worry about just about everything. Sorry for such a rambling and incoherent first post.

[Zaf]

Its great you're intending to see your doctor, thats a big first step, please do try to tell your doctor exactly how you and dont hold back.

Everyone here will answer questions or help if they can xx

[Sweetpea]

Hi and welcome.  Hope you get an appointment with your gp.  Just tell him/her exactly how you have been feeling.  I know the feeling of thinking why am I like this, I have a great family and no major worries. WHY ME?  But we can't help it, its an illness.

Everyone on here listens, offers encouragement and we never judge people, we all know how it feels.

S x

[Rebel Ian]

My GP has referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy. He offered me medication but at this stage I declined. I have to go back in two weeks for a further assessment. Don't know whether I should have asked for medication or not. I thought I'd feel better havimg at least started the healing process by talking to someone but I'm just a bit numb. We'll see.

[Zaf]

its good you're going back in a couple of weeks,  personally I'd go for the medication every time too as it definitely helps me and its no different to taking medicine for any other illness xx

[Ezel]

 .>, Ian, I'm glad you managed to get to the doctor's appointment.

[Sweetpea]

Good for you that you went to your dr.  I tend to agree with Zaf, I think taking medication with CBT, counselling or other therapies work with each other.

S x