We've beoke up but shes messing with my head i'm on the brink of second OD

[mbrace]

my life is such a mess i had a good job but was recently made redundant. I had the girl of my dreams and a little girl despite her not being mine (i got with the girl when she was pregnant) i bought her up from day one and she called me daddy. Then boom i lose my job, my fiancee starts becoming distance, we had an argument and she chucks me out i'm away for one night and she rings me telling me shes made a big mistake and i go back. We go through xmas and then shes throwing me out again, she invites me over and i find a used condom in the bin! She tells me she made a drunk mistake on new years eve and she was lonely. I leave again a few days later shes asking me to move back to the area so that we can try and mend our relationship low and behold i run back, she rings me a few days later to borrow the car i drop it around and discover shes been inviting her two exes over! I took her in when her mum threw her out put all the money down on a place for the three of us, i borrowed £8000 from my bank so we where secure and now i'm left with nothing. So i've walked away i'm staying with my grandparents but she keeps messaging me to go and see her, and to move back so we can be friends but its just to much for me, and just want out i'm on antidepresstants as it is and just tempted to take them all as well i've got sleeping pills as well its the only outcome i see. Shes now messaging me telling me shes been thinking about me and it is just screwing with my head even more

[Alstare1974]

That sounds like a really rough situation for you and one that isnt doing you any favours with your mental health issues, I am sorry that you are going through this.

As for the OD I would heartily recommend that you dont do it, apart from the fact you will find support here on the forum its unlikely that an OD will work and at best you will be left feeling crappy and at worst you could do some serious damage to your organs and be in a worse sitation.

[no-one-special]

Can I suggest you look at things in segments . The big picture can sometime seem overwhelming but if we break it down it can be more manageable . We can re take control .

Firstly your job, That was not down to you. Have you found new work ? This could be a way to change your future look at re training or going for a better position.

As with your partner she cheated thats not on. But you need to talk it through with her. You need to clear the air. There are 3 people being affected you, her and this little girl. I am not saying forgive her only you can make that decision but for the sake of your sanity and the little girl keep lines of communication open.

Hope thinks improve for you

[Zaf]

she definitely is messing with you, if you cant talk and clear the air you need to walk away,  I know that sounds desperately harsh but you must preserve your sanity at all costs and what she is doing is driving you to consider a terrible action.

Everyone here will advise as best they can so have a talk in here with folks and then decide what you need to do xx

[Sweetpea]

I agree you need to distance yourself and give yourself time to look after yourself, so you can get better.

S x

[mbrace]

i'm having problems getting any sleep i'm on citalopram and every time i do get to sleep i end up dreaming about her and it happens a good few times a night

[Zaf]

You could try some antihistamine to help you sleep but that wont stop you dreaming

[Sweetpea]

Having depression messes with your sleep and it doesn't surprise me that you are dreaming about her, she was a big part of your life and you are hurting.

Take care

S x

[xwardx]

Hi there mbrace I really sympathise with this situation and know breaks up can wreak havoc on the brain, something i'm sure a few of us on this forum have experienced. I'm on citalopram at the moment but have also tried Fluoxetine in the past and I personally have trouble with sleep and nightmares with both so don't really think it's the AD's but like Shaz said the actual depression itself. I would 100% recommend enquiring about conselling at your doctors as have found it to be useful and it may help you too, the people on this forum are all wonderful people who are all there to support you whenever you need, hang in there and hope it gets better.

[mbrace]

i'd much rather have nightmares then see her! I have been trying to get docs to sort my counselling out but i've just had to change docs. Helps matters when she tells me tonight that she still has feelings for me, just wish she'd say she doesn't love me b so much easier to handle. Cause her saying that makes me believe theres hope

[Glen53]

I feel for you, i really do.

On the one hand you could walk away, but i get the feeling that the little girl would be just as tough to walk away from if not tougher than the life you have left behind.

Is it worth meeting her, but somewhere neutral? Sometimes these things are done in comfort zones - she feels comfy in her own place and therfore acts differently. Perhaps that would remove some of the false front that she is obviously showing. it may make it clearer for you to see through any lies she throws out. I think you need to explain from your point of view how much she has hurt you and why. If its too tough to tell her, perhaps write to her instead?

I think for your own sake, you need to understand why she has acted like this. It will allow you to see if there is a future here and thus allow you to plan your next move. If it becomes clear that she is messing with you, then you need to be brave and cut all ties. If you dont it will only hurt you more in the long run, and could also have an effect on the little girl (a point I think she needs reminding of too). If she has made a genuine mistake then you need to know why she felt the need to sleep with someone else - was it something you did, or something you can work on?

The OD is a bad idea. I work in the NHS and have an understanding of such things as well as seeing a close friend attempt it in the past. Its not pretty and hardly ever works, leading to long term health issues. Please dont do this. Your life could change for the good just as quickly as it has changed for the worst and its not worth making decisions based on 'recent' events. I think you owe it to yourself to try and fight through this if you can, if nothing else it will lead to answers as to why this has happened.

I wish you luck from the bottom of my heart. We are here for you if you need to talk further.

[Ezel]

It may help if you separate how you feel about the little girl and for your ex.  She knows you will go running every time she clicks her fingers which isn't fair on her daughter or you.  Do you think she may allow you to still see her daughter without her being there?  The daughter deserves consistency and it's not her fault her mum is messing you around.

[mbrace]

so i decided to blank her for the past three days till she caught me on msn and asked why i was ignoring her i told because i still love her i can't have her talking to me 24/7 or i'l just keep clinging to the hope we can make it work, then she informs me that i'm the best person shes had in her life and she misses our long chats we use to have! Yet more messing my head :S. On a positive note i've a job interview tomorrow

[Glen53]

She sounds confused and it seems to me that at some point you may need to talk at least once more, if only to make her aware of how much upset and confusion it is all causing you, let alone her daughter.

[mbrace]

well not been on here in a while but the past few days I have gone back into a state of depression and the suicidal thoughts came back into my head.....I'm missing my ex like mad and just want her back I know its not gonna happen....anyway last night I thought have a last week doing things I want to do and then i'm going to get it done and dusted it actually made me happy thinking about ending my life and am sure i'll go out with a smile on my face. Thank you all for you advice and kind words.