Hello

[ShadowOfOnesSelf]

Hi All
I'm a 46yr old male suffering with depression, panic attacks. I can't really put a time on how long I've suffered because when i look back over the years I think it's been there for a very long time but i have always 'Masked' it away from myself, family and friends.
It's mainly since the start of December that it has really come to surface which would be the reason why i hated Christmas when i have always loved it.

I have made my 1st move by making an appointment to see my GP on Thursday. My biggest fear is that I'm going to break down crying once i start speaking. Is this a normal reaction.

I will post more on Thursday & Thank You in advance for reading this and for any help or advice you give.

Love & Thoughts to you all x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome

You've definitely done the right thing making an appointment to see your doctor, yes you might well break down crying when you try to tell him/her how you are feeling, its pretty normal.

Because I get so nervous going to my GP I take a list of the important things I need to say so I dont forget and if necessary hand it to him if I become too emotional, it might help you to do the same.

Z xx

[ShadowOfOnesSelf]

Thank You Zaf for your quick response.

I was thinking of doing that because i get anxious once i get in the room and I dont want to come away thinking 'I should have told her this and should have told her that'

I used to get jolly when i had a few drinks but even that doesn't pick me up anymore. I've done a full deetox since Boxing Day, No Booze and give up smoking and none of that worked.

I've got to a point where i go to bed on a night and just lay hoping i dont wake up to face another day of it.

I'm sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I pray i find it and if i do i will happily try and help anyone suffering from this awful illness

atb

[Zaf]

It sounds as hough you have the right attitude to fight this awful illness - dont be surprised if your doctor sends you for blood tests as it seems to be common practice at some surgeries, its nothing to be concerned about.

There is light at the end of the tunnel but it an be a difficult journey getting  to it, you'll find lots of people here that will help and advise and most have first hand experience of how depression affects us so dont ever be frightened to ask questions or for help xx

[Glen53]

I agree with Zaf, take a list of things with you in case it gets too much. Im 34 and have suffered very badly of late - suicidal thoughts, not wanting to get up, the works really. When I spoke to my GP I could barely speak once i had explained my reason for being there - I just cried. I handed her a list of what I had written and she was able to act on my behalf to get things rolling. Im now on anti-depressants and speaking to a councilor which I find is helping me.

I hope that you can find some support from your GP and we are here to advise and support you too if we can.

[Ezel]

I agree with the messages above mine.  Just be yourself when you see your doctor as that will help your doctor to be able to help you.  No matter how worrying / nerve wrecking the appointment is you are taking a good step into accepting help and being given tools to help yourself.

[Sweetpea]

Hope your dr's appointment goes well, don't worry about breaking down, I went to my dr a couple of weeks ago and couldn't talk I was crying so much.  I took my sister with me so she could talk for me, if you have not got anyone to take, then as others have said write your thoughts/questions down.  I amsure he/she will understand and have dealt with it so many times.

Take care

Sharon x

[Lol]

You have done the right thing to start to talk about it and to go to your GP. I think most people burst into tears when tackling this! I know I did! Both at my GP and at my counsellor, in fact, in all my counselling sessions I have only had a tear free session a total of 1 times!!

You have started your journey to recovery. Well done.  :)

[ShadowOfOnesSelf]

Thank You all for your positive and encouraging comments.

I've read through several posts on the forums and I can relate to many of them.
I wish the appointment was sooner as it leaves me anxious and i spend my time dwelling on what I'm going to say. I literally act the scene out in my head.
I think we have those days when you feel you can take on the world and then the days come when the slightest thing irritates the hell out of us.

I've started writing notes so if I don't say it she can read them.

Thanks again everyone, It's comforting to be able to express myself with others in the same boat. x

[Zaf]

I do the thing of running things through my mind when Ive got an appointment too and worry that I'll forget something.

Z xx

[Glen53]

Ive often lived the appointment and Im at the 'fallout' stage before ive even really 'had' it. It certainly sounds famiiar.

[Sweetpea]

Snap, me too.  I am worst when sitting in the waiting room waiting for my name to come up.  Thinking just what am I going to say.

S x

[FootieFan87]

Hi mate. Well done for your bravery in reaching out. You're a stronger man than me and alot of people who were where you are now probably thought there was no hope. That's how robustly we construct the cages we live in. Please let us know how it goes! X

[Tofayel]

Hello everyone
how r u all?

[ShadowOfOnesSelf]

Good Morning Everyone. Hope you're all ok.

Finally went! What an awful time though. Barely slept a wink through thinking about it all and I went through everything i was going to say when i got there, Then Bang! Mega panic attack in the waiting room 5 minutes before i went in and in a way I'm glad it happened because she could then see what I was like.
Once she saw me she just asked me to try and give a brief description of my problems which i did and it all came out back to front upside down and literally it was all over the place.
She could see i was getting confused so she told me to take deep breaths and try and relax whilst she looked through my records.
I sat and reeled off my bank account number and all the mobile numbers that I know to try and break the sense of anxiety. It worked a little but I couldn't stop the twitching in my neck which was making me feel uncomfortable and more anxious.
She then took my blood pressure, again i think this was her way of distracting me from the panic. She said it was high due to the anxiety plus my hands were shaking like mad anyway.

She has put me on a course of Propranolol 10mg (56 Tabs 3 times a day) and said I should only take them on the days when I feel panic/anxiety.

Overall, I'm glad i've gone. That 1st step was a big leap and it's the 1st time i have had a panic attack in front of someone without feeling stupid.
Anyone out there fearing that 1st step. Do it if you can, it will definitely make you feel that little bit better.

On a different note : I was appalled at that Michael fella in the BB house who said Denise was Emotionally Disturbed. That comment cut that poor woman to shreds. I really felt for her but thats the ignorance around mental health issues these days.

Thank You all for your support.