from sad to happy

[martyben40]

Hi there.Ive just joined the site today and im hoping it will be a small contribution to my road to recovery.
My depression all started 2 years ago and depression pills just made me worse.I started waking up in the morning very very sad and not wanting to get up or face the world.I was getting feelings of total uselessness and severe suicidal thoughts as life was just so boring and every day was just like the next so what was the point in living.My gp did a blood test and found that i was 6 times under the normal testosterone production for a man,I was only 41 years old at the time.I was then sent to an encronologist and he was interested in my low testosterone and after another blood test he said he would put me on testosterone injections.He gave me an appointment for 5 months time!!!!!!!yes 5 months,what the hell was i going to do for 5 months,i knew id be dead.I went to my local gym and got some testosterone and injected myself with it,within a week my mood was getting better and i was getting interested in things again but for around 2-3 hours a day i would have this terrible sence of sadness and life wasnt worth living.
i carried on with the injections and they just took the edge of me actually physically comitting suicide but i did go through the motions and planned it quite often.prozac made me 5 times worse and anything the doctor give me just made me worse because of the side effects.
Im at a stage now 2 years on where as quick as i have these bad feelings there gone.Theres one thing id like to ask anyone and that is.When i wake in the morning i feel very sad and dont want to face the day but i get myself up and go through the motions as if i was waking normally.The next few hours consist of trying to keep busy and then a few hours after that around 2.00pm im feeling ok then by 4 pm im feeling elated and my mood lifts and im excited about life and im getting all the feeling back i used to have and excited about interests and excited about life.This goes on all night until a go to bed around 1ish i sleep fine and never have a problem going to sleep now, then its back to doom and gloom the next morning.This has been happening for a while now and im wondering if anyone else has this experience.
marty

[martyben40]

So no one is having this experience,wow! im phoning the guiness book of records then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[girlwithtwohearts]

Hi Marty,

I just joined the site today after reading your post.  I have had stress related depression for a couple of months now - and have also had it previously.  I am currently off work and worrying a lot about that.

I have EXACTLY the same periods of sadness, and 'feeling betterness' as you - the mornings are definitely the worst - and I tend to 'faff' about and not get a lot done (at least you do 'go through the motions' - I don't) - I feel better by lunchtime, though I tend to want to have a nap in the afternoon, anf then the rest of the day is much better.

K.

[Flea]

Marty,
I have the morning blues too, really struggle to get up as I feel 'safe' in bed.  Could happily stay there.  My mood gradually gets better during the day, but I never get lit up or excited about anything.  Forgotten how that feels.  I feel for you though, as it must make the down periods feel even worse, as there is a contrast?  So, although I can't totally relate, you're not alone in respect of the crappy mornings.  :)