Hi finn and welcome.
Im sorry to hear that things are so troubled right now. Depression is such a nasty disease as Im sure you are more than aware. For the sufferer it makes life seem pointless everyday, the things we love to do stop and the ones we love seem lost in a haze that we cant see through. To those around the sufferer it can be just as tough, seeing someone you care about fall to pieces and feel useless to stop or even understand it.
The first piece of advice i would give is to be as patient as you can. She will not feel able to cope with the feelings she is having most days and this will present itself as her 'not caring' or being 'wrapped up in herself'. Her conversations with you may be short, or even just grunts sometimes but she doesnt mean to hurt you. Believe me, she will likely be beating herself up for wrecking your life and not being able to be as she feels she should. I do this to myself. Im lucky is so far as Im fairly articulate and when i have good days i talk to my wife about how i feel. She is supportive and understanding. From what i have read, you are too and I respect you hugely for standing by her.
Secondly, I agree with the above - she clearly needs her meds to help her as she is stuggling without them. Try to convince her to go to the doctors to discuss this. Dont push the point and be gentle in tone - make sure she understands that you will be there for her no matter what but that you are deseprately worried for her health. Offer to go with her and hold her hand - its very VERY tough to talk about some of these feelings to a stranger. Offer to stay out of the consultation itself if she wishes it as well - she may not want you to hear some of the thoughts she is having and to be fair, you may not fully understand why she feels them. It could be very upsetting for you to hear.
Lastly, be aware that the first and most important step in recovery is to WANT to help yourself. Some do from the start, some need to hit rock bottom to realise and a minority never want help. Having you there to support her, its likely she will want help at some stage if not now, so be patient if she cant face the help right now. Its possible that she feels the treatment didnt work last time round so 'whats the point'. Just take time here and there to convince her that from someone close to her, it did work and she was much better on the meds. She could even discuss different meds if she didnt like the last ones for whatever reason.
I wish you all the best for you both, i really do. Remember, we are here to support you BOTH. If she feels she can come online and talk to us we would be happy to help her. Her thoughts, no matter how dark, will not phase many of us here as we have been through dark times in our own illnesses.
For you, feel free to ask us anything about the illness and how it can affect you and we will try to help and advise you.
