Help please :0)

[CaylaT]

Hello everyone :0)

I am posting on here in desperation because I cannot say out loud what I am going to write down!!! :0(

I was diagnosed with depression 3 months ago and put on medication which I stopped taking as my partner didn't agree and asked me to stop!! :frown:

Anyway since then I have been ok (or thought so)!

My partner has been getting headaches and acting odd and going to hospital behind my back but won't tell me why and what is wrong! Anyway this has gone on for some time and I have in my head built it up to something really bad (I.e terminal)!

I was driving home from work 2 nights ago and it must have been on my mind and all of a sudden a voice appeared and said 'I hope he dies!!!' :0( I immediately panicked as I really of course don't - I adore him and if anything happened I would not be able to live without him!

Since then I am hearing chants saying die, die, die in my head and that I want all my family dead, I want my partner dead, if Gavin has cancer its my fault and I have caused it and telling myself he is going to die a painful death - I am basically thinking HORRIBLE HORRIBLE things that aren't me!!! I wouldn't hurt a fly! I even sat and thought if I have a child I think it should die as I don't deserve to be happy and other awful things! What is this voice? Why am I so horrible??? I am thinking of leaving my partner through it as its making me feel I am betraying him by thinking this stuff but I don't want him poorly - I love him so so much :0(

Please help me!

[Ezel]

 .>,

You're not a horrible person.  It would be a good idea to go back on the medication as it may help you.  If it doesn't then go back to your doctor.

[Zaf]

You definitely need to back on your meds and probably see your doctor too, if your partner disagrees gently ask him if you had diabetes would he want you not to take insulin?  It really is exactly the same thing as antidepressants help restore the chemical balance in your brain while insulin helps to regulate the glucose in your blood xx

[Dobbie]

Hello CaylaT, I agree I don't think you are horrible. I have had similar thoughts in the past about my loved ones and they do go away with help. I think you need to go back to your doctor as they will be able to help you. x

[1st class fool]

Hello,YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE!!
I often used to have crazy thoughts similar to yours,im sure you really dont mean them!
Please seek some help and talk to someone about "this voice".
Im certainally no expert but i think you should seriously see your gp about this.
Imo you do need to talk to a professional about this,please do so asap.
Good luck and all the best...people are there to help you so please do so x

al x

[cornish]

hey there, i experience voices a lot, medication does help, depending on what's causing them, there is a possibility that they could get more intrusive and more disturbing. so please go and see some one about them.

can you describe the voice to me, is it your voice, a voice you recognize or just an unknown voice?  is there more than one.

i haven't talked that much about this subject here but personally that sort of comment in my head has become "normal" and is mild to me, one of the voice tell me to do horrific things that scare the crap out of me. my medication helps but ive just had to learn to live with them, sometimes it helps to just scream and shout at them,  i wouldn't do this with other people around though, for obvious reasons.  sometimes its easier to ignore them but at other times it can help to talk to them, if there are people around just pretend to be on the phone.

[Lol]

That's great advice

[cornish]

That's great advice

that cant be aimed at me, im useless at advice sort of things and im out of it on my meds

[Lol]

That's great advice

that cant be aimed at me, im useless at advice sort of things and im out of it on my meds

Yes it was aimed at you. You gave CaylaT some clever coping strategies. I particularly like the phone one, what if you need to engage with voices and you are say, in a supermarket? That is an excellent suggestion that might really make the difference between not coping and becoming insular and reclussive, and coping and having a coping strategy up your sleave to help you to live as normal a life as possible until the problem is resolved. Brilliant.

[cornish]

that actually makes sense to me, never though of it that way really

[CaylaT]

Thank you so much for your replies :0)

I can cope with most of my thoughts but my worst ones make me feel sick as soon as I hear them! My partner has been poorly lately and my head tells me I hope he has cancer and suffers when I don't at all! Infact if I didn't have Gavin I would have nothing to live for - he is my rock! I even thought the other day I am glad my mum is dead which I am not! And my head chants die, die, die all the time whenever I see anyone! I just want to apologise to people all the time for being a nasty piece of work :0( xxxx

[CaylaT]

The voice is lik my voice but that I argue with :0( xxx

[lost rolex]

sometimes i get voices in my head, i think they are a total viscous  (inside - out- burst of emotion) a silent cry for help, like when we are children with hit/hurt the ones we really love, as adults we can have these silent outbursts in our head, the voices are a sacrificial valve that has burst, sometimes we don't have time or the tools to reason/argue, he told you to come off your meds, he is not a doctor you are on your meds for good reason go back on them and tell him you are taking them, it's his denial not yours,  depression can lead you down some strange paths, what your partner did was what he thought was right for him, not you


go back onto your meds and try not to feel guilty about it. you don't want to both be unwell.


Regards LR  

[cornish]

The voice is lik my voice but that I argue with :0( xxx

well argue ahead with it,  im not trying to belittle the issues but at least its only your voice, it can be a lot more disturbing when its another voice.