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Author Topic: illogically hopeless  (Read 4178 times)

overcastrainbow

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illogically hopeless
« on: January 03, 2012, 12:05:10 PM »

I came on here two months ago due to my depression startign up and boyfreind troubles exasperatign them. Unfortunatly things have taken a turn to the worst and i feel utterly hopless.

Alot less anxiety and so much more low moods. Self harming regularly, and seriously considering holding my breath and suffocating myself.

My shrink is useless and insists that i hug her. her CBT sheets dont really help.

I havnt told anyone iv bought pills ready to finish the general grey drizzle thats drowning my brain in misery. Im not under the impressin that im really suicidal as i wouldnt be writign this if i was, but i can feel it growing. i used to be suicidal a few years ago and i recognise the feelings.
They wouldnt understand, i cant talk about the self harming becasue it freaks peopel out and im just told to not do it.

im sittign in my office at work and all im beyond crying. I just want to close my eyes and stop breathing.
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Ezel

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2012, 12:09:40 PM »
I'm relieved you have posted about how you feel.  It's okay to 'talk' about self harming here - I really do understand having gone through suicidal thoughts and self harming.  I get annoyed sometimes with people who don't understand because it's not always just that easy to get over and move on  ^&^ 
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lost rolex

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2012, 12:21:29 PM »
Hi please could you tell us what pills you have purchased, please do not use paracetamol as there is a danger of liver failure and a very painful death sometime after ingestion don't do now what you may come to regret in 3 days time,

please talk to someone

 If you or another is in serious risk of death or injury...
Call 999 and ask for fire, police or ambulance

If you have a community nurse or social worker or other allocated health professional...
Call them or call your GP

If you are having thoughts about taking your own life or are desperate to talk to someone...
Call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90

The Samaritans provide confidential non-judgmental support, 24 hours a day for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide.

If you have are concerned about something physical then…
Call NHS Direct on 0845 4647

NHS Direct offers 24-hour health advice via telephone, website and Digital TV. Their website address is www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

please keep posting we are here.

LR
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Harmful intentions
particularly those involving deliberate acts exploitation, seem to cause longer-lasting and more painful emotional consequences than natural disasters. The crucial factor may be that such experiences destroys people’s trust in others, particularly if they involve someone you have depended on.

overcastrainbow

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2012, 12:28:59 PM »

i dont have a community nurse, iv been left to shift for myself.

Iv taken two serious overdoses a few years ago with the aid of paracetemol and whatever else was in the cupboard. I know how damaging it is and painful it is. Whoever said death by pills is peaceful has never tried it.

I dotn want to go to the hospital, i doubt theyd be of any use. I have no plans to take the pills, but the fact i bought them with that purpose in mind means im reverting back to how i used to be.

excuse the spelling and terrible typing. im tryign to do this secretly at work.

ITs not got to the poitn where im in a place to actually go ahead with the suicide. but i have a feeling it may well get to that stage at some point.
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Sweetpea

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2012, 12:45:57 PM »
don't know what to say other than I am thinking of you.  Stay safe. &*(

Sharon x
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Ezel

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2012, 12:52:13 PM »
Just keep posting when you feel like it so we know you're safe.
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overcastrainbow

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2012, 12:58:50 PM »
I just dont want to feel like this anymore. its chokign my identity and binding my body untill it feels like im lookign up through a pool of water.

im tired of strugglign all the time. Everythign is a fight and im just so weary
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lost rolex

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2012, 02:16:52 PM »
your right everything is a fight, but you are thinking about the process of suicide which is where our brains take us, you are also posting on here which has got to help a little even a little is enough to drag us back from the edge, i have been to the edge more than i care to remember, but out of all the times i have tried it's the spontaneous attempts that fear me the most because i lived not through getting help, but for sheer luck, i don't want to explain now, but we are here please keep posting.


LR 
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Harmful intentions
particularly those involving deliberate acts exploitation, seem to cause longer-lasting and more painful emotional consequences than natural disasters. The crucial factor may be that such experiences destroys people’s trust in others, particularly if they involve someone you have depended on.

overcastrainbow

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2012, 02:41:16 PM »
i sound liek a whiney child and your all givign such wonderful advice.

i just

dont want to feel anymore.

i cant do anythign now as im still at my desk trying to concentrate and lift up my pen which seems to weigh a ton.

is it wrong to want to be resuced?

i know i can only rely on myself to get out of this but...... id like to not have to be the burden bearer for once.
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Zaf

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2012, 02:45:03 PM »
its not wrong to want to be well or to feel the need to be rescued  &*(
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Lol

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2012, 07:22:59 PM »
A counsellor that needs to be hugged sounds like a counsellor that needs a counsellor to me??

You must talk about your self harm. It is an important part of you at the moment. It wont freak us out at all. I'm glad you are recognising your growing suicidal thoughts. I'm glad you have come here to talk about how you feel. How you feel is important and we will support you in it you are not alone. I'm sorry you have felt so low that you have bought pills for the purpose. But as you say, it's not a way to go and you wont use them at the moment.

You feel exhausted with having to deal with these feeling and you want them all to stop. What has triggered you to come back after 2 months? Do you want to talk about it?
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cornish

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2012, 09:14:22 PM »
Quote from: overcastrainbow on January 03, 2012, 12:28:59 PM

i dont have a community nurse, iv been left to shift for myself.

Iv taken two serious overdoses a few years ago with the aid of paracetemol and whatever else was in the cupboard. I know how damaging it is and painful it is. Whoever said death by pills is peaceful has never tried it.

I dotn want to go to the hospital, i doubt theyd be of any use. I have no plans to take the pills, but the fact i bought them with that purpose in mind means im reverting back to how i used to be.

excuse the spelling and terrible typing. im tryign to do this secretly at work.

ITs not got to the poitn where im in a place to actually go ahead with the suicide. but i have a feeling it may well get to that stage at some point.

hey there missed you


i can back the pill thing up with 3 failed attempts,  the other 4 attempts were in a different way and were so much, i want to say better but thats not the right word.


i agree with lol on councillor and the hugging thing.  now im not saying that a hug is not good,  hell i miss having a hug sometimes.

well i have forgotten what i wanted to say now.  been doing that a lot lately, sorry for another useless post.
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Sallas

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2012, 09:19:28 PM »
I totally get you especially about being rescued, i want someone to care enought to help me, like im friggen on the edge of giving up! If i need help shopping, no problem but help me stopping myself from harming myself, theres not a soul around. Weird huh. Stay strong. Feels wrong saying that considering im not in a much better place, but i can only hope things get better for you. Xxxx
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overcastrainbow

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2012, 04:00:20 PM »
Thank you Corning thank you Sallas.

i was really good and threw the pills away. Now i have a headache and no painkillers, but at least im not dead.

feeling more positive today. im up and down like a yoyo but it feels relieving to be UP right now.

hope your all ok, well as ok as we get :) x

Cornish i got your point :) x

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Lol

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Re: illogically hopeless
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2012, 05:17:37 PM »
overcastrainbow that's brilliant. Please always post when you feel up as well as down because it may help you on a future down day to be able to look back and see that you are capable of having up days. Sometimes they seem so impossibly far away.

You're doing well. well done.  :)
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