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Author Topic: I feel like a fake  (Read 3086 times)

James78

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I feel like a fake
« on: January 02, 2012, 01:13:44 AM »
I've been in denial for a long time about my issues - shyness, social anxiety, low self esteem/confidence and have over the years created a kind of alter-ego whereby i act in a certain way as to avoid people knowing my weaknesses. I've self medicated with drink and used it to boost my confidence/alleviate my awkwardness, but in doing so created a different version of "me". The things i would do or say while drunk are not the kind of things I would do/say when i'm sober, either because i wouldn't want to or i wouldn't have the confidence to (i'm not sure i even know the difference any more). I also say i don't like things, or am not interested in something when in actual fact i'm lying - i would love to do certain things and don't have the confidence. I've been doing it for so long it seems like everyone I know, knows the fake me and the real me is trapped inside screaming for help. I often complain that people don't "get" me, but it's all my own doing because I haven't had the courage or sense to face my issues and now i feel lost. I feel like I've been stupid now and have ruined my life by evading these serious issues i should've dealt with a long time ago. My friends don't really have any idea of how much turmoil i'm in at the moment with all this and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I feel like I'm unravelling the mess a bit, but the more I do, the more serious it seems. I depserately want to change my life.

I hope that doesn't sound too insane, but i wanted to get it off my chest and wondered if anyone had similar problems.
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Zaf

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2012, 08:44:13 AM »
It seems to be something that either causes depression or is caused by it, I was really very lucky this summer finding a counsellor who helped me work through the feelings of being two different people
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Lol

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2012, 01:11:48 PM »
I echo what Zaf has said there. It DOES seem to be something that either causes depression or is caused by it. Exactly. It is a very common feeling to feel like you are a different person on the inside, and also to have acted for so long that you've even convinced yourself to a certain degree and can't tell who you are any more leading to feelings of being completely lost. I'll bet a lot of money most of the people on here feel the same way. You are not alone.

What about your unraveling mess seems so serious?
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James78

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2012, 02:41:41 PM »
@Lol, it seems serious in that the more I look at it (the problem itself and how it's shaped my life) the more I realize how difficult it's going to untangling the two "different" versions of me. I feel a bit more positive about it today though, and have decided the best place to start is to stop drinking. It really doesn't help :)
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Zaf

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2012, 02:47:19 PM »
Thats a really positive step forward James, its not easy as I know from personal experience but imo its well worth the effort xx
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James78

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2012, 03:10:45 PM »
Thanks for the encouraging comment Zaf. I know it's not going to be easy; it's so ingrained in the lives of just about everyone I know it's gonna be somewhat of an uphill battle from beginning to end. If I want to make any lasting changes in my life though, I need to do it.

I've started by separating the things I do/people I see ONLY when I drink, from those that I enjoy/like to see and think are positive. Once I've done this I can hopefully summon some confidence and start to change things. It seems an obvious place to start.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2012, 03:12:36 PM by James78 »
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Zaf

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2012, 03:18:34 PM »
Good luck James, I was near alcoholic until just over 2 years ago so I know it can be done but I also know its not easy xx
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lbruk

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2012, 03:44:55 PM »
hey, certainly sounds like you are having it tough. alcohol does seem a good idea to begin with, but certainly gets to a point where the alcoholic you controls the real you. i just hope you find your way out.
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chilliconcarnage

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2012, 07:34:15 PM »
You have  posted a topic on here - Thats a big start and you should pat yourself on the back for having the courage to do it!
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James78

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2012, 02:34:43 AM »
I feel terribly lonely. I don't know what to do...
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Zaf

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2012, 05:44:18 AM »
If you want to talk about it you'll find lots of people will listen and help &*(

Many of your symptoms indicate you have depression and I would urge you to get an appointment to see your GP
« Last Edit: January 15, 2012, 09:43:44 AM by Zaf »
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Glen53

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2012, 09:41:04 AM »
I agree with Zaf. If you can possibly face it, then speak to your GP. Its the strongest start you can make but it wont be easy. We will be here for you if you need our support
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Sweetpea

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2012, 11:33:37 AM »
I also agree with Zaf and Glen, try and speak to your gp if you can.  Everyone here understands and are here to listen and help where they can.

Take care

S x
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James78

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2012, 02:31:45 PM »
I don't have a gp atm. I keep meaning to register at the local surgery but everything seems so difficult for me. I will try and do it this coming week. I think I need to talk to someone. I don't even know what to say though. I feel so confused about stuff.
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Lol

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Re: I feel like a fake
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2012, 02:43:12 PM »
You don't need to know what to say James. Blurt out whatever comes out and the GP will recognise your turmoil straight away. Write down some key things to refer to before you go and take them with you. If you need to simply hand the points to your GP.

My first counselling appoitnment I felt like you do and I sat diwn, burst into tears and said 'my head's full of spaghetti!'  ::)
She knoew EXACTLY what I meant!  :o  ;)
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