Being an outsider.

[softollie]

I have been here before but due to technical hitches kindly sorted out by Pip I am here.

However I have suffered depression due to different types of bullying and I have long felt an outsider.  I am  A 54 year old (almost) from Merseyside and have always felt that way, even on the rare moments I have deluded myself ito thinking that I  had been accepted.

I am heterosexual but I dont fit into the drinking/football/fighting culture that pervades and I am looked on with suspicion.

The bullying I have suffered was physical/emotional at school and ostracism as an adult due to me not being as above.  Even people who themselves are not drinkers/football fans prefer that type to me.

I cannot afford to move due to living on benefits so I am stuck here and anyway would people imn another area be any more accepting?  The culture I mention isnt confined to Merseyside.

I have seen psycholgists/psychiatrists since my teens and it is only NOW they seem to be getting the grip of my problems but even this could be short lived if NHS cutbacks com,e in.
Sadly my family have all died out, I only have one sister who lives 200 miles away, but thats it.

Iwould love to be able to enjoy Christmas again but I need a group of understanding people to share it with, and thats as far away as ever.

Ill try not to repeat myself but depressionis a bit samey as a condition. I hope you understand!







I

[Lol]

Softlollie welcome and I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way it sounds very difficult to live with. Bullying of any kind is just awful and often affects lives. I'm glad your therapy seems to be finally getting somewhere and I do hope it can continue for you. Have revalatons during therapy given you any tools mentally to help you in your future should your therapy be unable to continue?

[lost rolex]

hello and welcome i was bullied at work to the point of me leaving, it is really hard and i can not still function around people i find it very hard to trust anyone. small steps small steps

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, everyone here is very supportive and friendly

Z xx

[softollie]

Thanks for your replies, folks.

This time of year I dread anyway as both my parents death anniversaries fall in the twelve days of Christmas.

I was going to a mental health related group (not NHS) and was meeting with a group of people for two years but from the summer onwards it started to fall apart and Ive lost touch with them.  Now I know nothing ever lasts but when I see people have friendships for 10, 20, 30 years mine NEVER last.

Also I feel that however much I am told I am reasonably intelligent although was never well enough (and now too poor) to go to university no-one encouraged me or took me seriously.

People want my gifts such as they are but they dont want ME.

On New Years Eve I shall try not to listen to Auld Lang Syne because this year Auld acquaintance HAS been forgot.

softollie

[Got]

Hi mate.

Where in Merseyside are you from? Perhaps I am local to you.

Sorry to hear your Christmas was a lonely one. I was just about saved from another heartbreaking christmas, by strong medication. 

Take care

Steve