New, and having a crisis......

[Desperado99]

Hi everybody,

I don't know what's happened to me over the last week....... this time last week everything seemed OK, but since friday I've just gone downhill and can't seem to cope with anything.

I have been stressed out for a long time and on friday I got my last job for other people ticked off my list in my head. I then became really panicky and over the weekend it just got worse and worse and I went to the GP first thing monday morning and gave me some anti-depressants (low dose dosulepin) to help with anxiety and a referral for some therapy (should take two weeks to come through). I still went to work that morning and had to visit the inlaws that afternoon. On tuesday I went to the supermarket with my daughter (10) and made it home but felt really shaky and I ended up in the bedroom crying because I felt so awful......... On wedsnesday my hubby ended up working from home as I just couldn't face anything. I spoke to the GP's on the phone and they said it could take three weeks for the medication to make a difference (they were so nice to me). I spoke to my boss that morning and she was lovely (she's had depression herself) so I know I don't need to worry about that anymore, and I've also had good support from family and friends.

Hubby has gone into work today (it's his last full day of work - just half day tomorrow and then he's off til newyear) and I'm feeling very weepy and anxious and don't know what to do with myself, the only thing that seems to ease the feeling is to go and lie down.

This is an entirely new thing for me and I'm just LOST

[Lol]

Hello Desperado99 and welcome. This is a very difficult way to live with feeling and you have done exactly the right thing by getting yourself to the doctors straight away. Your medication may take some time to work so start taking it straight away so that your relief comes as quickly as it can. Sometimes you can feel a little worse before you start to feel better but don't worry it will pass and you will feel better again soon with the right treatment plan. You sound overwhelmed. If lying down helps then be kind to yourself by doing just that. Crying is a natural and necessary release so if you feel weepy then go with it. Your body needs to. Have you fully explained how you are feeling to your husband so he understands? It is important to keep those around you informed so that they don't get the wrong end of the stick/take things personally. Feel free to talk on here as much as you like and we will try to help if we can.

You have done all the right things so far. This will pass, it is only temporary, you will feel happy again.

Take Care. Lol

[Zaf]

I too found lost when I had my first episode of depression, in fact I can remember telling someone I felt like a tiny child lost in a big black wood and wanting someone to take my hand and help me find my way out.

Your doxtor is right that it will take a little while for the medication to take effect but if you feel a lot worse at any time you ought yo go straight back to him and say how you feel.

I guess its not going to be easy at this time of year but you need to get as much rest as you can and try not to feel guilty about it.

Take a look at this link, it really is very helpful at explaining things xx

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html

[Desperado99]

thankyou for replying, you have both helped me enormously. This really seemed to come out of the blue, but then when I look back, I can see so many warning signs it's almost laughable.

Luckily hubby is very understanding (his mother as suffered with depression on and off her whole life) as is everybody I have spoken too. My SIL has been texting me throughout the day (she had PND) just to let me know that she is here for me, and my dad is coming round to see me tomorrow (he had depression after my mum died). So all in all, I'm really rather lucky.

That link is wonderful....... it really could have been written about me. I have spent the last 6 months being other peoples' rock, along with my own stresses and quite simply just short-circuited this weekend. I'm persevering with the anti-depressants (well they won't do me any harm at this point) and I have nothing to do until the new-year, nice quiet xmas (I work for a church, so they're well versed in looking after people). I've had the date for my first counciling session (6th Jan) so that's something.... by then I will have had a good rest and hopefully be a bit more myself.

It's just quite shocking that it comes on so quickly, this time last week I seemed fine (but stressed ) Thanks again for taking the time to help me  :)

[Glen53]

Hi and welcome.

Councilling will help you to vent your feelings but be sure you get on with whoever you see. If they make you feel uneasy, then try to change to someone you do feel comfy with - it makes all the difference.

Hopefully you will find as I have, that we all fight depression together here and support each other. Some days are better than others, but you are never alone in your struggle.

[Lol]

You sound like you have a wonderful support network around you this will help such a lot  :)

[lbruk]

welcome :)

sounds like a horrible time for you, but just try to use your support network to help you out.

[Desperado99]

Thanks everyone  :)

[Desperado99]

feeling a bit steadier than I've been this week.......

yesterday I made it throught the day without having to retreat to bed to calm myself down, and by the evening I felt almost 'normal'. As the days have gone by, I've realised that mornings are the worst for me as I wake up and instantly feel anxious about the day ahead.... once I'm awake I can feel the tension just build and build until the alarm goes off and the day actually starts.

today it wasn't so bad as I know that hubby is at home all day (I feel less anxious when he is here - he ended up working from home for most of this week, and I know I'm lucky that he can do that) so I was able to tell myself that when I woke up. As he's now off until new year I'm hoping that I'll improve enough to cope when he returns to work. I can deal with being home alone, but being home alone with my daughter is a strain as I'm 'in charge' (she can look after herself really, but it sets me off).

I've felt quite angry this morning...... (even though I've impressed myself by starting to make the trifle) I think it's because I want to be back to normal, but I know I'm not. I'm feeling better, but it's all relative as I haven't had to leave the house since tuesday, and I don't know how I would handle it.  Everyone is being so bloody nice to me, which is what I need, but I'm mad at myself for letting it get this far.

But Ho Hum......... every day is different, and I'm certainly not where I was on monday. Hopefully every day will be slightly better, I'm worried about going backwards, but I know realistically I will have good days and bad days.

Plodding onwards  :) Have a good christmas everyone

[Lol]

It sounds like you have a plan. Well done with the trifle. I think it is quite normal to have different emotions about the illness, the crisis, the support. You might feel comforted, guilty, sad, relieved, better, worse, all sorts of things! But overall try to ignore any negative emotions about it and utilise the support you are being given for this very real illness because you are worth it. And the reason people are rallying around and helpng you is probably because you have done that for them at one time or another! So it's your turn now!

Happy Christmas  :)

[Glen53]

I hope the festive period continues to improve for you.

Dont be too hard on yourself, its your illness making you feel this way - not you.

[Desperado99]

Hope everyone had a good xmas  :)

Mine was OK, but I had a lousy night's sleep on christmas eve (defo remember lying awake at 3am wondering if I was going to get any sleep at all) managed maybe 4hrs tops. Woke up not feeling too bad, but I had to go and have a nap at 10.30 because I felt so rough. After that it was OK all in all........ actually got some decent pressies. 

Today, I've actually had a 'normal' day............ very little anxiousness, I went for a walk to the postbox (1st time I've left the house since tuesday) and it's just been, well, normal.......... Tomorrow, hubby wants to go shopping (to a shopping centre, about half an hour away) and I've said no (don't want to push it) but while he goes with our daughter, I'm going to nip to our local supermarket just to see how I get on.

Things seem to be looking up, Fingers crossed..........

[Zaf]

That sounds very positive :)

[Lol]

This is excellent progress Desperado99 you must be really proud of yourself  :)

[Desperado99]

thanks guys...... your support means alot to me.

I've been out a couple of times, I walked to the supermarket yesterday and I have to say I found it rather stressful (the supermarket rather than the walk) I don't know why particularly, it wasn't overly busy but I was sweaty by the time I got out 

Drove to a different shop today (the one I normally use) and it was packed, and parking was a pain. But I wasn't as nervous this time...... so I'm improving, but it is like walking through treacle sometimes.

When I'm at home, I just feel OK....... so it's a bit of a shock when I get twitchy about going out.

BUT all in all.......... I've come a long way since last wedsnesday when I couldn't even sit downstairs without freaking out.