hey just need somewhere to talk

[welshlad]

Phi and thanks for reading. I'm not expecting any replies but thought voicing my thoughts somewhere might help.

I'm a 20 year old bloke and have been suffering with depression for about a year and my girlfriend who used to help me through it. And very well . We have started having loads of problems and i feel as though i cant speak to her about it anymore. Weve been together for 4 years and engaged for 1. Although i started to push her away once as i felt guilty for her being with me.
 
About 6 months ago i used to get extremely angry. I was never violent directly towards her and have never laid a finger on her to this day. But i became violent in general. I nearly killed myself one day (not intentionally) by putting my arm through a glass door and required 90+ stitches.

Although because we were arguing at the time the only thing i could think of doing was to assure her i loved her because I could tell by her face she thought I was going to die  (there was a lot of blood) since then I can't help thinking when we argue what if this was to be the last time I saw her or the other way round. And this has made me act like a different person for months. Anyway I explained this to her and she got extremely angry that I was acting like someone I'm not because I'd been just saying and doing things to please her etc. And between screwing up this relationship. Working a full time job whilst doing a higher education course I just can't cope with it. Especially when most days I don't even feel like getting out of bed and whenever I do no matter how much sleep I get I'm still extremely tired and irritable. Anyway thanks for anyone who did read this huge post. Dan

[Glen53]

Your girlfriend sounds like she really tried to help.

I often worry that Im wrecking my wifes life. Im ill at 34, now depressed too. Im on meds that prevent having kidsand Im sure my wifes miscarriage ealier in the year has changed her view on not having a family. Its now something she is considering.

The best advice I have is to talk. I talk to my wife at least once a day about how I feel. Not only does it keep her involved, but she can also see patterns I may have missed.

I try to spoil her too. A hot bath run for her when she gets home, a cuppa tea to go with it. Its not much, but these small gestures help to make her feel loved in times when im thinking about myself a lot. I also write her cards sometimes if i feel its tough to talk - maybe with some flowers every now and then too.

Also, have you had councilling before to talk about things? If anger can get that explosive, it may be worth talking to a professional for advice.

[Zaf]

I'm not really good on the relationship side of things but I do know that anger is a very common part of being depressed and I hate what I say to my husband sometimes but just cant stop myself

[Glen53]

I think it really tests any relationship. Thats why its more important to act when we have moments of clarity or peace from the illness.

The nature of depression is that it is relentless at times. Rachel has seen this side of me before and knows when Im struggling I often need space. Its still tough for her Im sure and we still argue, but she really is one in a million to me. If your partner is strong enough and loves you enough, then she will understand and you can pull through. Just keep talking to her about how you feel, and keep spoiling her with little things when you can manage to do so.

Take care.

[lost rolex]

i too have had problems with pain and depression, my condition means we can not be together in bed, nothing will work, it's so sad to us like this, i treid a concoction of drugs and drink to get away from the pain but i have amnother thread on that, i have dosed up on daizapam and feel much better than before, my condtion affects everything it's not just one case of deppression there are disabling pains when i an dosed up i feel no pain, i hjave smke as well whicj makes me fel ggood inside but it's makes me feel if i can do normal things like go shopping for the family and walk to shops which i canot do with out a stick but i feel no pain, the worsed pain isd in my head whicj make me sad ansd black dog.

my doctor is back on monday and i have enough daiazapan to last till then, other doctors don't care and will laugh at me i want may doctor/#


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[lost rolex]

went to see my doctor and he has increased my Pain patch to 75 micro grams per hour Fentanyl