What if I am going crazy??? What future do I really have???

[littlebeing]

I am 26 and have battled with depression since I was diagnosed and treated for ovarian cancer when I was 21. Sometimes it is easy to see. I won't get up, I won't eat, I won't go or do anything and cry all the time. I think that there is nothing going for me and although it will be hard for my family at first, it would be better for everyone if I was not around.
Then there are times like now. I get up and carry on with my life as best as I can but am constantly worrying about absolutley everything. I cannot make even the simplest decisions and I cannot talk to my folks because they either laugh and me or tell me I am being stupid. I am constantly trying to keep a handle on my irriations but everything sets me off either in a rage or crying.
I went in a shop to get some Christmas presents and had a breakdown because I don't know what to get people. This is not normal. My brain will not function and process things.
No one understands and I am tired of battling it. I want to be the person I used to be, not the person I am now. What future will I have if I cannot cope with the slightest bit of pressure?

[Zaf]

Hi

Are you on any antidepressants at the moment or receiving any counselling?

[littlebeing]

Hi,
No, I stopped taking my antidepressants (I was on 60mg of citalopram) as I got fed up of having to take them everyday when they only make me feel better whilst I am on them. I was having private counsellign but had to stop as couldn't afford it so my Dr has sent me for CBT. I have only had a couple of sessions so not sure if it is going to work.
Sometimes I feel like it is a disability but no one can see so they don't understand.

[Zaf]

Did you discuss coming off your meds with your GP?  You were on a fairly high dose and from discussions I've had with my doc its usual to stay on ADs for at least a year before coming off them slowly.  I've been told I may have to stay on a liw dose of citralopram for life now as I get a relapse when I come off them.

If you feel better while on them why stop taking them?


It is an illness and is caused by a chemical imbalance in your body, just the same as if you had diabetes and had to use insulin daily, no one can see that either but unfortunately depression still carries a certain amount of stigma

[littlebeing]

Yes I had discussed coming off them again with my Dr. He said if I need to start them up again that I will have to stay on them and I really don't want that.

I don't want to have this condition and I don't want to have to take more tablets everyday.

I want to be like I used to be.

Ok, sounding a little like a spoilt brat now.

[Zaf]

I would like to be well, not to have depression, not to suffer from crippling IBS, not to suffer from allergies but thats just life 

If you had diabetes or a heart condition would you take medication or refuse it and stay ill or possibly get worse?  Its not really any different to taking medication for clinical depression, the antidepressants are replacing chemicals in your body that you need to get well and/or stay well. When my GP told me I may need to stay on mine for life and he could tell I wasnt too happy about the prospect he gave the example of diabetes or heart problems and I realised there really was very little difference and lots of people go through life needing to take medication for various illnesses so they can lead a reasonably normal life

[littlebeing]

I suppose.

I hadn't thought of it like that. I am already taking one lot of meds everyday for most of the rest of my life so what difference is another lot going to make?

[Zaf]

If they help you feel better why not give them another try?

We all know how hard it is coping with this horrible illness and will fully support you whatever your choice but I'm certain most of the posters here would suggest you get back on the ADs if they help your depression improve

xx

[littlebeing]

Thank you for being so lovely Zaf

xx

[Zaf]

 &*( 

I'm pleased to be able to help in any way I can, fighting depression is not something we ought to do alone xx

[cornish]

hey and welcome, i want to try and say something to help but im struggling a lot at the moment but we do understand to a certain extent what your going though.

Yes I had discussed coming off them again with my Dr. He said if I need to start them up again that I will have to stay on them and I really don't want that.

I don't want to have this condition and I don't want to have to take more tablets everyday.

I want to be like I used to be.

Ok, sounding a little like a spoilt brat now.

i have the same view i hate medication but im on it for life now. i wouldn't even take paracetamol before i got ill. now i take around 100 tablets a week. 
i hope you get back to the way you were before

no you dont sound like that, you have an illness and talking about it here helps, well for me it does,   sometimes.

[Munchroom]

I know exactly how you feel with your mind not being able to process things - if I have to make a desicion or plan something, its like my mind just shuts down 

Sorry, I'm not great at offering advice at the moment - but I would agree with Zaf in that medication is probably the best way forward.

You don't sound like a spoilt brat at all

Nay x

[Holykimura]

I know exactly how you feel with your mind not being able to process things - if I have to make a desicion or plan something, its like my mind just shuts down 

Sorry, I'm not great at offering advice at the moment - but I would agree with Zaf in that medication is probably the best way forward.

You don't sound like a spoilt brat at all

Nay x

I know how you feel but sometimes its better than at other times though. To the OP you are not alone we are all here for you just ask. Keep faith in time, and believe in your self and others will believe in you. For every negative find a positive. I hope I can offer something from experience?

[Got]

You sound like a very tough person.

You have a perfectly valid reason for being depressed, whereas I do not.

Whether or not you choose to go back on medication, I hope you make an improvement.

You mentioned that you want to be the person you used to be. This may never happen, as we all change, and you have been through a major event. But the person you may become, is someone who is stronger and wiser than the person you was, as you have been through cancer and depression. Therefore, you have valuable experience and wisdom.

Love Steve X