black dog on my shoulder again

[mrbentos]

I have had a history depresion for years and i thought i had managed to get to some kind of happiness of late but after trying out a dating website i have crashed again somewhat,in a word i got talking to some lass and thiongs where looking good......too fecking good it turned out........

It turns out she was just a scam to try to fleece money out of me-that didnt succeed but i had made plans to spend xmas with her and now its all gone tits up and plans for xmas in tatters.

Apologies for the fruity langauge but i really feel as if i have crashed again and have taken to drinking a bottle of wine at night just to blot out my failings in life 

[Zaf]

I'm sure you know, along with those of us who use or have used alcohol to drown our sorrows, that it really doesnt work (I'm talking as someone that was verging on alcoholic a couple of years ago).

May I ask if you have been to your GP for some medication for your depression?

[mrbentos]

I have been to my gp several times over the years and have been on three different kinds of meds:

Citilopram
Prozac
Effexor

I dont really feel like seeing my gp again as along with the above mentioned meds i been to see shrinks and undergone cbt/art therapy + i cant take time off work cos i wont get paid for it 

[woozywoo]

I am sorry to hear of your experience with this lady. Especially when you have made plans for over christmas, but it looks like you found out in time, at least you can be thankful she didnt get anything from you.

Maybe you ust havent found the right medication yet for you. I know i have been on many different ones over the years, some successful others not.

I can understand what you say about work, its sometimes hard t get appts out of work time etc, but its important you have the appt but its also important you keep working, catch 22 situation. No solutions i am afriad, just i understnad where you are coming from. xx

[lou]

you definately need to cut back on the drinking. i know its hard but it wont be helping how you feel. i think you've had a lucky escape - i know its &$%+ty when you feel like you do, but you will meet someone nice who deserves you - just try and hold on to that thought. new year is just around the corner who knows what it'll bring. ^&^

[mrbentos]

Thanks for all your kind comments but its not like my latest experience is a new thing:

i been smacked in face

cheated on with another girl

when my dad died my then g/f refused to come to his funeral

If my history has taught me anything its that finding someone who "deserves me" is a gift beyond my means-its like a wee voice saying "WHERE YOU THINK YOUR GOING ??-WHATS THAT ??  !!! - LOVE ??-LOOK I TOLD YOU BEFORE THATS NOT FOR YOU-WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN ?? !!"

[lou]

you will find somebody, everybody deserves someone - that includes you!  :)

[mrbentos]

At one time i believed that but experience has taught me that finding someone isnt something i deserve,as i said to a pal of mine recently i find solace in things that cant hurt me:

art
music
liverpool fc

this is my life

[lou]

you still sound really low, why dont you go back to your G.P? :)