flat lining

[lost rolex]

I here of peoples mood swings from happy to sad, i flat line, no emotion, no feeling, no interest, nothing going on inside, i pay lip service to my wife & kids, it's what they want to hear, encouragement, compassion, understanding, love, but inside there's nothing there i say these things and get nothing from it.

          Sleepy

[Laura]

Me too, although I'm on new tablets and have been quite tearful this week.
Even when we lost dad I didn't really have any emotional response.
The fact that you make the effort to say the right things to your family is good though, it shows you do care. It would be easy to do nothing at all.

You're not on your own with this. There are plenty of people here who will understand.

[tharidler]

hello there
i used to feel like that i think it can be quite common to be so detatched that you feel nothing it took some time but i started to feel again and i hope you will too

[lost rolex]

Thanks for the posts, i have no interest in anything, i told my 11 year old daughter i hate her on more than 1 occasion and i think i mean it, it's like i am pushing her away making her hard because i cannot protect her in the physical self, as a result of the accident i am disabled.


Sorry to be blunt, i came from the top of the tree, and ended up a physical/ and physiological / neurological mess i could and did deal with anything life through at me, that's what i was paid to do. but this is different from the top to the bottom.

You see my accident after much investigation was a cold calculated 14 month collaboration between two people in power above me, this happened nearly 5 years ago and has left me with very little human faith, even as the case goes to court there tenticals still reach out and strike every now and then. other members of my team have had threats to keep silent although the guy did have the forethought to put that in his statement, my family have been followed, a consultant surgeon acting on behalf of the other side told me Suicide was an option i could take, she physically hurt me in the examination after i repeatedly told her to stop, threw me around like a piece of meat. my phone has been tapped, my dairy's stolen and used against me, my laptops taken in the same burglary.

All that that i went through in the 14 months leading up to the accident for 14 months from 2006 - 2007 all the head f***ing, all the &$%+, the constant pain i was in nobody listened not one department and and at the end there where 4 involved in this mess, they all refuse to except anything was happening, till it did then silence, hoping it would brush under the carpet.

I and my brief have come to the conclusion that they are protecting people higher up the food chain Sir this, Lord that, as these are the people who could ultimately be exposed,

this reaches further, all to protect a name.

Sleeper     

[Zaf]

Its a very common effect of depression, I think its our brains trying to protect whats left of us after a breakdown or when we are depressed.

It sounds like you are trying to cope with something horrendously difficult and its not surprising you are feeling so bad

[Got]

Hi mate.

Have you seen the GP about all of this? Have you had any kind of diagnosis?

Have your discussed these difficulties you experience with a doctor?

[lost rolex]

Hi mate.

Have you seen the GP about all of this? Have you had any kind of diagnosis?

Have your discussed these difficulties you experience with a doctor?

Hi My doctor has been there from the beginning, i was insistent on the same doctor each visit, he has been very good with me and sorted out my medication for my physical condition i am on a rake of patches and tables, tablets for my mental state, and i have had some psychological Councilling, they say i am far from ready for CBT, the Police have been involved they assisted me with Anti surveillance driving techniques.


My Doctors is not surprised by there actions as he knows the full story, he said they will push me as far to the edge as possible to try to diminish the financial responsibly they may have. I even have doubts about my solicitor being one of the Boys, although i keep all e-mails he did recommend i did not report the consultant for the &$%+ she gave me, and what does one do but take the advice, this he put in a e mail, when i mentioned it on the phone he stuttered for a wee while realizing what he had done.


Sleepy       

[cornish]

hey and welcome,  my illness was caused by an accident too, some twit crashing into the back of me. i have physical and mental illnesses from it.  i hate my solisitors there suppose to help me, they wont answer emails even though they know i struggle to use a phone.  the mess around with my treatment even after being told that im a high risk to my self and a loss of treatment could have severe implications,    they dont give a s**t all they care about is there cut of the money and getting it quickly.  a while ago they asked if i would just ignore the mental side of my injurys and just take a settlement for the physical ones and call it a day.

sorry for ranting but i see similarities and well i dunno what i meant to actually say now,  sorry im not much help

[lost rolex]

i can see a similarity in some of our problems, the thing that bothers my solicitor is that i am not interested in the Money, what i want i can not have my life back, you may call me for this but our house was a traditional one, my wife stayed at home to look after the children and i went to work, this is how we both wanted it, and believe me my wife is a very strong women and this is what she wanted as well, the accident, (i call it an accident but a accumulative one over 14 months where it could have been sorted out but was not) left our life upside down and caused all kinds of stresses she married a strong funny loving caring man not this shell left before her, i fully understand her feelings and thank her for staying with me, my son who was born around the same time has never known me any different i have not even picked him up as i can not physically, so my wife had to care for us both, it broke my heart watching her, and she had to find a little job to make ends meet, which after a time turned into a bigger job, and her family had to help, talk about biting my lip.

i understand peoples depression but this was no accident it was a deliberate act of neglect and willful ignorance to the problem, and after my MRT scans which where supposed to SHUT me up the report showed very clearly the damage that had been done, i got one of the most sincerest apologetic calls i have ever had.

My Manager said "I am sorry I am so so sorry"  it was not a case of not believing me  it was a case of her talking the word of a under manager and leaving it with him, he came round once to my house then never again,after i was left in a mess, he was to ashamed or did not give a toss, that was 5 years ago and he's moved up the ladder and is deigning all knowledge of anything that ever happened 5 years ago and trying to screw witnesses back from telling the truth. but the one who hates to loose does not always see the right path.

Thanks in advance Sleepy     

[cornish]

im the same with the money side, i have told them i dont care about the money, i had a letter sent to them to not contact me unless 100% necessary for at least 6 months.  at the start all i cared about was getting better,  now i just want to be left alone, i think ive accepted that im stuck like this.   when i need them there useless and wont respond to me, when i need to be left alone im constantly bugged by them and they wont just give up the case even after i asked them to.  "im not in a fit state to make that decision"  in other words if they dropped the case they wouldn't get there cut.  i respect the way your family/house/life was and i really hope that it get back to the way it should be, the way you want it.



i can sort of relate to the relationship thing, i now have no relationship, and that extends to no friends either, i know thats not on the same level as you but i can sort of understand


im actually pretty angry at the way you've been treated and what's happened to you and your family, i know i dont know all the details and i wont ask, but its disgraceful the way your treated, i have very high morals and am very stubborn and things have to be right. i also spend short amounts of time when im delusional and believe im the instigator of karma.    


ive now forgotten what i wanted to say and i think this has turned into a useless post. sorry

[lost rolex]

im the same with the money side, i have told them i dont care about the money, i had a letter sent to them to not contact me unless 100% necessary for at least 6 months.  at the start all i cared about was getting better,  now i just want to be left alone, i think ive accepted that im stuck like this.   when i need them there useless and wont respond to me, when i need to be left alone im constantly bugged by them and they wont just give up the case even after i asked them to.  "im not in a fit state to make that decision"  in other words if they dropped the case they wouldn't get there cut.  i respect the way your family/house/life was and i really hope that it get back to the way it should be, the way you want it.



i can sort of relate to the relationship thing, i now have no relationship, and that extends to no friends either, i know thats not on the same level as you but i can sort of understand


im actually pretty angry at the way you've been treated and what's happened to you and your family, i know i dont know all the details and i wont ask, but its disgraceful the way your treated, i have very high morals and am very stubborn and things have to be right. i also spend short amounts of time when im delusional and believe im the instigator of karma.    


ive now forgotten what i wanted to say and i think this has turned into a useless post. sorry

Hi thank you for the reply, Morals and stubborn that's me down to a tee, i have had a lot of time to think and if i had't been so stubborn and walked away in the early stages i may have been alright, but hindsight can be a very cruel thing, I did 25 years service i had no reason to believe the fault would not be looked at, i had put in Hazard forms before and everything was ok, the truth be known they did not believe ME.   i think of my mental illness as the brains way of shutting down from all that's not right, and like a cast sets a leg, stitches help heal a wound, and morphine takes away the pain, all these are administered right after the event, where unless the mental scares are found as soon as the wound and treated they are left to try to recover on there own, and often end up a mess.


I am 5 years down the line and they are sending me to specialists well after the event, so any hope of recovery is long gone, i have improved over the 5 years one thing i have done at the insistence of my wife is to smarten up,

she said "if you feel like &$%+e you don't have to LOOK like &$%+e", "do us all a favor and let me shave and shower you i will buy you some nice clothes to wear" so i did and it made me feel so much apart of what was going on, i do it for her every day, she gets me ready and then she get's my daughter ready and finally my son, then she goes to work for the morning.

I am lucky as i can drive and i do go out but it takes a lot of willpower and energy , but i have to move or i will seize up.


thanks for your reply i look forward to reading this forum

Regards Sleepy