Hi, new here.

[em89]

Hi I'm Emma, im 22.
Probably been dealing with depression since I was about 15, on and off.
Ive been on fluoxetine since January, since i suffered a major depressive episode. im also receiving therapy for depression, anxiety and ocd which is helping a lot.
im feeling/was feeling a lot better...ive had major 'turns' over the last few months, where im just not myself and have these thoughts about harming myself and become quite suicidal.
i decided to join this because im feeling pretty low at the moment, felt VERY suicidal yesterday, just feel really lonely, and want to get myself back on track. i dont see my therapist til 2 weeks on wednesday. i have the support of my family-not so much my friends at uni but hey-but i cant really tell my mum how bad i feel really, and would just like some encouraging words from people who've been there.
thanks :)

[Zaf]

Hi em and welcome

You'll get lots of help here,  just ask away, or if you prefer start a journal

If you start to feel seriously suicidal please get an emergency appointment with your doctor, call the samaritans or even dial 999.

Z xx

[Glen53]

Hi Emma, welcome to the forum.

I have only been posting here for a few days but I have found it helpful to keep an account of how im doing in the journal section. I have found many kind people here who try to understand and advise me through any tough times I have. Just ranting about the days challenges seems to help - I find people in the real world dont understand and tire quickly of hearing it but folk on here have a more experience based view of things and always have a kind word to say.

Im sorry to hear you have been feeling so low, but I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon.

Glen  :)

[dlg78]

Hi Emma and welcome

I hope this place helps you :)

Dave

[tharidler]

hello and welcome emma
i have only been using this forum for a while but i have found that at the very least people understand what you are going through and often give good advice and often people can identify with what you say and although it may sometimes feel you are alone at least you can communicate with people on the forum did your therapist give you a list of crisis numbers ? if not do reach out to the samaritans or other such charities if things get to bad and they will be only to willing to help i hope things get a bit easier for you soon.

[em89]

thanks for all your replies  :)

yeah, i was thinking of ringing samaritans before-ive rang them once (twice?) before, not about suicide, and found them to be very helpful. its just difficult in a student house though, when i dont want everyone hearing and the walls are like paper!
im starting to wonder if i might be bipolar, as my mood does go up and down a lot, which makes me worry even more and im worried that im not getting the right medication :/ my cousin has bipolar and whereas i dont have proper manic episodes, reading about the different types of bipolar just make me worried that ive got it. am i just being daft?

[Glen53]

When you see the therapist it should give you a chance to put a few of these questions to them. If you do need advice or support before then, the samaritans are an option. if you are worried about others overhearing, you could always walk in to one of their centres, they have quite a few dotted around and there may be one near you.

In the meantime we are here to listen.  :)

[lou]

hi emma one thing that helped me was my sister, and she tells me that i will have good days and i will have bad ones. its took a while but i've accepted this and although its really hard when you feel like you do (ive been there) takes all my mental strength to not take all my meds and just finish it. i now tell myself this is a bad day and i try and be nice to myself have a hot bath a hot chocolate and an early night. as im usually glad to have the day finished! hope this helps tomorrows another day - lets hope its a better one. ^&^

[poppy3722]

Hi I'm Emma, im 22.
Probably been dealing with depression since I was about 15, on and off.
Ive been on fluoxetine since January, since i suffered a major depressive episode. im also receiving therapy for depression, anxiety and ocd which is helping a lot.
im feeling/was feeling a lot better...ive had major 'turns' over the last few months, where im just not myself and have these thoughts about harming myself and become quite suicidal.
i decided to join this because im feeling pretty low at the moment, felt VERY suicidal yesterday, just feel really lonely, and want to get myself back on track. i dont see my therapist til 2 weeks on wednesday. i have the support of my family-not so much my friends at uni but hey-but i cant really tell my mum how bad i feel really, and would just like some encouraging words from people who've been there.
thanks :)

Hi em!
i am new to this too....i have similiar feelings to you and have been feeling this way since i was 15 (i am now 22) but mine has gradually got worse and i have only just started having suicidal thought in the last 2 years. i have now therefore only just admitted to myself that i have a problem (i know it took me long enough) and i am yet to seek medical help...i was just wondering when you did....and what you are finding helpful?medication or a therapist?. i totally understand the fact you cant really tell you parents how bad you really feel.....i am the same!and i know my friends are truly friends and care for me yet i dont feel that i could tell them!did u find speaking to a therapist help? i find that being on my own or drinking alcohol my feelings get worse so i try and avoid this as much as possible...i hope that helps a bit!hope u feel bit better 2mo x

[HSS1982]

Hi i'm Harry. What would you say caused your depression and anxiety? I also suffer with both. Today seems quite bad.

[em89]

Hi. Thanks for all the lovely replies :)

harry, my therapist has pointed out that my depression and anxiety come from rejection from my childhood-with friends and stuff. i took the advice from earlier posts and made a journal, so its all explained there! i think rejection plays a large part of my depression, whereas my OCD causes a lot of my anxiety, but theyre things im wanting to deal with.

glen, there's a samaritans in my uni town but i dont know if they have a drop in centre as it doesnt state it on the website? im feeling a lot better today-although ive been by myself most of the day, doing work- but i think it'd be nice to know that they are there if i ever need them in a crisis and cant see my therapist, so thanks for the advice :)

poppy, i find therapy helps a lot. i think medication/ antidepressants are a big help too, just to get your mind stable enough so that's willing to sort things out, but ive always believed that therapy is key and in my opinion, i dont think medication alone can help. being able to talk through my problems and sort them out, and being given strategies, really helps. id suggest that if youre feeling that bad then telling someone is probably the best idea. i only told my family-mum, dad and sisters- this summer that id cut myself in the past. surprisingly, they dealt with it well. one of my sister even said that she wasnt that surprised as she thought id done it before anyway. it helps a lot to tell people :)