Off work with depression and anxiety, and getting very worried

[Francium]

Hi all, first post here.

I'm a newly-qualified teacher, and I am really not coping well. I was (mostly) fine on my training last year, and am now one of the very lucky 18-25 year olds who actually has a job. Except I cannot cope with it, at all. I've been off work for two weeks (one week self-certified, one week with a doctor's note), because of severe depression and panic attacks, and I don't know what to do now. I don't want to go back at all. The very idea of going back into work makes me panicky and upset, but I'm also aware that the more time I take off the worse I'll feel about going back.

I was diagnosed with depression in 2008. I have good and bad times, and this is one the worst times I've had. I am on medication and have started CBT, but I am really frightened by what is happening to me. I feel utterly hopeless, and cannot imagine what I'm going to do in the future: I can't imagine I'll be able to stick with being a teacher. I think it is the wrong career for me. But I don't know what else to do, and I don't know how to get out of it. I cannot afford to leave, and all other options I've looked at require either experience I don't have or training I cannot afford. In this environment I am terrified of being out of work, but I know I can't go on like this. I've never, ever felt this depressed, and I'm starting to scare myself with the direction my thoughts are heading.

All I want to do is never get out of bed again. I used to enjoy my life most of the time, even with the depression. But now I cannot stand it, and I don't know how much I can take.

[Lol]

Francium you are going through a very difficult time with some really challenging thoughts and emotions. It is awful to feel so hopelessly like you don't want to get out of bed in the morning and your feelings towards work are very disturbing.

Is it work that is causing most of the anxiety do you think?

You are on the right track with a diagnosis, medication and CBT, well done. These things will help. Talk as much as you can about your difficulties and we will support you as much as we're able.

Take Care. Lol

[Got]

Hello,

my situation is similar. My recent depression and anxiety has caused me to almost compeltely stop working, and I feared restarting.

My advice would be to take time off because you need it. Try not to make an impulsive decision under the influence of depression and anxiety. Its tough I know. I nearly threw away my career. You can decide to leave your job anytime if you feel its the right decision.

[Zaf]

I would definitely say take as much time off as you need, if you keep pushing yourself to work things could get much worse

[lost rolex]

is it the fact you are a NQT, responsibility for a class is always a pressure, but this is what you trained for this should be the chance to shine this is your moment in time to make a difference don't throw it all way and have depression win get back out there and teach, thoughs children need you, continuity caring understanding, a bit of joy in there life, god knows some of the kids have had a herder time than you, my wife is a teachers and some of there young lives have been &$%+,

just had the school Nativity and the girl who sang the main song so beautifully and is 8 years old has to deal with her mum attempting  suicide very often, get strong go back and live your dream.

 

[Munchroom]

Francium this must be so difficult for you. I have a friend who has just finished training to be a teacher and started teaching year 6 in September. He has battled depression in the past and he has had some really low times in the past few months because it is all so new - every day is terrifying and there is so much still to learn, it is no wonder you are feeling out of your depth.

How are things at the moment? Would it be at all possible to work part-time for a while?

[woozywoo]

Francium...i know what you are going through. I have been in your position. I have been teaching for 8 years now.

I had a year out after my 1st year at uni because i was diagnosed with depression and had tried to hide it and keep it to myself for too long, it broke me. I was told there was little chance of me going back and completing the course. I did and have become a successful teacher. I have been on medication on and off for the last 15years. After teaching for 3 years i had a bit of a break down. My headteacher, docs and occupation health service were all very supportive. I was off work for 4 months, and then did a phased return to work. And now have been back at work for 5 years, changed schools and am happy doing my job.

The job is an extremely stressful one at times, but in all the years i have considered other careers, i cant think of what else i would rather be doing. DO NOT rush back, that is the worse thing you can do. Its what i did and within weeks, i was off for four months. You are taking all the right steps to help get through this time. Stick with it, things will imporve i promise you.

Is there anyone at school you can talk to and let them know how you are feeling? Your NQT year is a hard one and you should have people at school willing to support you through this. There should also be a support line advertised in the staff room that you can use just to talk to someone and have someone listen. I will see if i can find the number for you.

[woozywoo]

I cant find it now, but i can get it from work for you on Monday, let me know if it would be useful!?

Oh and if there is anything i can do to help or anything you want to ask, just ask!

Take care and try to look after yourself xx

[Holykimura]

I am a teacher too, so I might know how you have been feeling. I too had a similar story to yourself but iAd my breakdown in my GTP year so I had no choice but too go back early or risk not passing the year. I then had too further breakdowns. It's hard to say whether it was the school, the profession, the colleagues I worked with or the head who was untrustworthy or a combination of all of these that contributed to my depression, but what I do know is that you should not rush back and take as much time as you need. I remember that I used to feel guilt about leaving the learners with coursework to catch up on, but each time I returned to work I realised that the school carried on without me, this helped me to kind of not feel guilty for taking time off.
I was not as fortunate as you woozy woo, I didn't have the support of my head or at least it didn't feel like it, she had made false promises to me in the past and put a lot of pressure on me when I got a promotion to KS3 coordinator, she almost made me resent the promotion, this along with a head of department who was as stubborn as a mule and did not welcome my suggestions very well, resulted in me relinquishing the role.
I am now working part time with a view to get out of the profession, although I must say woozy woo, I find it very encouraging that you are enjoying your teaching experience in another school. I've often wondered what it would be like to teach at another school where there is no bad history and make a fresh start.

Francium it might seem very daunting right now but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Woozy woo is right in every thing she has said. Use the support that is available to you such as friends, family, doctors, counselling, unions and speak to someone about you how you feel, you'll be glad you did. There are other options out there you just need to carry on believing in your self and your abilities even though it might seem difficult right now.

The job is a stressful role and it is not suited to everyone. This is why there is such a high drop out rate, which is why they entice people with golden hello's and paying of student loans etc..

I do hope you start to feel better soon and that things become clearer. Good luck and let us know how you are getting on.