Hello, I'm new and my name's Violet. I'd appreciate help, maybe from other's experiences?
For the past month I have been getting depressive and paranoid symptoms. I am reluctant to say I am delusional, because I'm no expert, and was wondering what you thought.
A bug flew into my mouth and since then I'm convinced it's living in my throat. I'm too scared to tell my GP, as I know it sounds stupid. Every now and again I freak out and start panicking, thinking about it embedded there and how it will soon release something dangerous. I can sometimes feel it.
Also, when I started college, one of the students was overly friendly with me, and he acted like he knew things about me. He had this look in his eyes, and I was certain that he was sent as a spy from the council to get information about me and exploit me.
I recently told my flatmate I felt suicidal, and he seemed concerned but went out with his friends. I knew it was because he wanted me to die really. It made so much sense, but when I confronted him he denied it. I wasn't convinced.
After that I was put on section 136, and when I had an assessment there was a nurse standing outside looking at me so strangely. I started freaking out and thought that something awful was happening and he was really some sort of law official. There was this look in his eyes like he wasn't who he said he was and he was out to get me.
I feel like I'm being watched a lot. Often feel confused and on edge. I'm very suspicious of people. I do not trust anyone. I am severely depressed, can't look after myself, and have even made plans to end my life (I don't wan't your sympathy or hate, just advice). I always feel like I've done something wrong, and a lot of the time like something terrible is about to happen, or I've done something bad which I can't remember (I am not dissociative & have no hallucinations).
I know how stupid this all sounds, and that it seems preposterous, and I have not told anyone about my paranoid thinking as I'm too worried about what they might think. The depression and paranoia have seem to come on together in the past month when I started college, although I've been severely anxious with depressive bouts for years. I am also diagnosed emotionally unstable personality disorder.
If anyone answers this, I know you might say to see a professional, and I actually am tomorrow, I really just wanted to know if anyone has any opinions about this (I'm not asking for you to diagnose me). I just want to make sense of it all, and it might help me to open up tomorrow to the psychologist.