I could use some advice/an opinion

[OJNR]

Hi. I posted a few days ago as a general introduction to the site. I had some great replies, and it always helps me in the moment to read what people have to say. However, the effects are not long lasting right now.

I need some advice, if anybody is able to give it.

At the moment I'm two weeks into a course of Citalopram (20mg/day) as prescribed by my GP. I've been struggling with depression on and off for 10 years, and I can't say I've ever felt TRULY care free since then. I've been advised by people on this forum to stick with the meds, which I will do.

I don't want to get into what I think my problems are just yet, as I don't think I could convey that clearly. at the moment I feel very unhappy, and feel like crying, but can't.

The main thought which is running through my head at the moment is of the girl I fell for who left me for her ex about a month ago. I don't have any contact with her now, and I know that's for the best. However, I can't get her off my mind. She's often the last thing and first thing I think about in the day, all that typical break up stuff. I got very attached, and I guess I could say that separation anxiety is a large part of my current problem. I'm expecting a package in the mail from her. A book she borrowed. The thought of seeing it fills me with panic.

Should I force myself to cry? I feel like I need to release the tension in my throat, and probably clear my mind. Should I think about what's making me upset at the moment in order to provoke some tears? I know I'll get over this girl in time. It's happened to me before. But usually during my depression episodes I'm quite able to let it out. This time I seem incapable.

Thanks for reading. I don't like to think that I'm wasting people's time on here. I sometimes think that my problems are trivial in comparison to others.

[cornish]

That's a hard one to answer but I think you should let your emotions flow out naturally, don't suppress or force them out.

I get huge panic attacks from what seem to other people as stupid little things, the best way I have found with dealing with them is to take it nice and slow, set small achieveable targets and stick to them.  Accepting the parcle is one step. Then try and ignore it if you can for a little while, then open it.
Rushing things and just getting them over with seems to make me feel worse as everything happening at once is stressful for me.
Hope that helps. It's probably useful advice to be honest though.

[OJNR]

Hi. Firstly, thanks for the reply. I know that getting over heartache takes time, and I'm taking steps towards helping that along when I can. I think I'll do what you suggested, and put the package to one side for now.

As for the crying issue, I just feel stuck. I feel ready to burst, and on the verge of breaking down, but just can't do it.

[Zaf]

I think something will trigger your emotions eventually, as cornish said its best not to force things, his other advice is brilliant too.

[Depina]

Hi OJNR
Yes that is good advice from Cornish,

You can't really force tears, I am sure it will happen eventually.

You are as important as anyone of us on here. We all need help and each other to chat to
Hope chatting helps.
Horrible that things take so long to heal.
Take one thing at a time.

Love D XX ^&^

[cornish]

hmm seems like i underestimate my self.

[Mark from Bristol]

Hi OJNR. I wonder if you have tried talking about your relationship with a close friend? Talking is a way of bringing out those emotions, and I feel that is what you want to do.  If not, maybe a family member or even a counsellor?

[OJNR]

i have tried counselling years ago, but i'm back on a waiting list now. the problem with that is that you forget how bad the bad times are when you're not feeling too bad. but i'll go anyhow. i do talk about things when i have somebody to listen.

thanks for the suggestions everybody.

[lightenup]

Hi ONJR i hope you can cry as I think you want to get it out.  Its the not being able to release is the problem why many of us I believe have this cursed thing in the first place.....................all from hiding or penting up our emotions.  I hope you understand and something will make you release soon, and you will feel better 

[Depina]

Hi ONJR

Hows things today ?

Some days I can cry for England  :'(and others just nothing! "£"

Sure it must do some good but TOO much crying can be very tiring I think.

Di XX

[OJNR]

Hi. This for asking. I appreciate it. I was feeling better this morning. Still unable to keep a clear head, but the lump in the throat wasn't there, until about 30 minutes ago. I'm putting that down to te meds settling in. The GP told me it'd be up and down.

Still no crying though! I think it'd be good for me, like you say.

How are you today?

[Lol]

Hi OJNR. All this advice you have been given I second. I'm sorry you are going through this tough time and it seems to me like you are grieving the loss of your girlfriend. You loved her. To suddenly be without something or some one you love against your will is very very difficult and brings out emotions of grief. There are defined stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. there are some very extensive papers/books/articles written on teh subject - check some out. You may recognise a stage you are at and realise that how you feel is understandable. Sometimes you're in so much shock that you can't feel your emotions. I have personally felt in the past that if I allowed myself to cry, I simply would not stop and end up rocking and big snotty wailing in a very dark place. It felt scary to start to let it out because then I would be accepting that it had actually happened and I wasn't ready to do that yet. Guess I was in denial. As all the advice here suggests - it will happen when it happens. Whatever stage you are at now is right for you. You don't have to orchestrate your next move/emotion, it will happen by itself.
Something I took to doing whilst I was in the twilight zone of feeling like I would burst but not wanting to let it out, was shout and scream in my car!!!!!!!! I would be driving along (and I don't condone driving and getting angry/upset folks!!! so don't try this at home) and I would take a deep breath and just go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It was quite cathartic. Obviously if you did this at home neighbours would come running or police would be called but if you can find a place where no one's going to go wtf? Then I found it very helpful.

[Depina]

Hi OJNR
Not bad thanks, tired again though !!
Glad you are feeling better, hope the lump goes v soon.- could be stress maybe?

Take Care

Spk soon

D XX