A BPD Wobler

[Catbrian]

I think you're spot on Capt, it is strange to recognise a personal trait of ours in someone else.  I had that feeling when watching the YouTube clip you posted.  I also agree that we need a reason to instigate change; we need to really want it to happen.

Yesterday and today, I’ve been having a private BPD wobbly experience.  It seems people with PD find criticism difficult to take.  I can’t say I was majorly criticised, someone made a comment that I construed as criticism; or rather, my BPD, seen it as a criticism.  Before I knew where I was, my entire world came crashing in around me; you would think this off-the-cuff comment was the worst thing anyone has ever said.  Of course, I automatically went into defence and attack mode, which probably made matters worse.

Ordinarily, this sort of situation would end up ruining my whole weekend.  The more I ruminate, the more that trivial comment rips me apart, resulting in my feeling useless, unloved, unwanted, hard done by….  However, by relating my response to a symptom of BPD, once again, I am able to see it for what it is and move forward, or try too.  My uncertainty of such a new outlook feels like walking on eggshells, but I’m sure I’ll get used to myself soon enough.

[Sweetpea]

Feeling for you Cat  sLopanda

S x x x x

[Catbrian]

Thanks Shaz.... I'm feeling a whole lot better 

[Sweetpea]

So pleased to know that Cat  :)

S x x x x

[captainkeefy]

I've not seen this post before. Funny how you receive criticism the exact same way I do.

My Therapist taught me this, hope it helps.....

Little Johnny is playing baseball. He's the last player to bat and his team are loosing. If he scores a home run his team can will. He takes his first swing and gets a strike, then he takes his second swing and gets another strike. On the third and final swing he musters up all his strength, swings as hard as he can but he still misses.

Coach A walks on the field and says " You are rubbish, you can't hit a ball for toffee. You should consider quitting!"

Coach B then walks up to him and says " That was a really powerful swing you have their. I noticed you where learning back a little there and you are holding the bat a little too low, Timmy and Sam did the same. We will work on this in training and next season you will be hitting home runs for fun with your strength."

See I think when we are criticised, our 'Punative Parent mode kids straight in. It uses the criticism as fuel to use against us. Since watching this vid I can almost hear my punitive parent now. Once we start feeling down because of the criticism it triggers our Angry and Impulsive child. What am I going to do now? Spend money? Scream and shout at somebody? Gamble? All these things are what people with BPD will look to in order to blank out the negative thoughts (punitive parent)

Instead what we can do is say A) is the criticism founded? Are they in a bad mood and take it out on us? B) is there something I could learn from this? (What would coach B recommend me to do?)

[Catbrian]

That's a nice piece of advice, Capt.  A day later, and I can see the comment for exactly what it was, this is a huge learning curve.

I must confess to being a little confused with the Punitive parent theory.  I might need to watch that video clip again 0158

[Catbrian]

Just watched the video again.  What threw me the last time was the bloke himself!  I found when he reverted from the client to therapist, it was almost like watching two entirely different people.

Anyway, I now understand the theory, which is a bit similar to Transaction analysis.  I will keep it in mind, hopefully it might help to process the mood swings

[captainkeefy]

I've spotted a few of them in myself. Mainly the punitive parent and the abandoned child. I found that I noticed them in hindsight at first but then I started paying attention to the moods and emotions that are connected to them all. Everyone has these modes. The thing is, usually your healthy adult mode controls these other modes with the long term objective in mind. I think when you have a PD the emotions are so strong they over ride the adult mode. Think about the angry child, how many angry people are there out there? Personally I believe being angry is a trait of a PD because as an adult you are capable of controlling your temper but its okay not too. However thinking in black and white and acting clingy is not exceptable behaviour. As far as I'm concerned they are both coping methods for feeling vulnerable (abandoned child TRIGGER!) abandoned child is surrendering to the situation 'I can't deal with my problem, you fix it?' The other is an over compensation 'it's not fair, I won't be treated like this.' Angry child is triggered.

[craig84]

ive read a book on transactional analysis and found it quite useful even just from gaining an understanding of it.
Im interested in the videos could you post a link please?