I want to die, my mind is going

[Buttercup]

I'm glad you've had a better day as well.

I agree with Fox on the bipolar front.  Hope you get a good nights sleep.

Xxx

[ferry1995]

I had an okay nights sleep, and woke up feeling not too bad, although my perspective of the world has changed, again...

I went to work about 9.30 and found out my shift wasn't due to start until 3, so i'm sitting in the house at the moment feeling terrible

the confusion is so bad this morning, i'm scared that even if I do get on some meds then they'll make things feel so much worse, and I know meds don't even work for some people, and I'm too "out of it" to respond to CBT, I've totally forgotten what it's like to feel normal, I can't remember being happy about something, my main fear is really that I learn to accept this feeling, because i've turned into such a mess, I don't care about anything, nothing interests me, unless I really focus,I just kinda forget, forget what time of year it is, forget how I felt the day before, even forget who I am...

I understand there are people a lot worse than me but I see everyone just going out doing such trivial things as going shopping, or laughing at a joke, or watching the telly, how can people do this?

I know it's not normal to feel like this, I know I will feel better later, but things are getting worse, I'm scared I will feel better, the "doom" is coming closer, and i'm scared i'll forget about it....

I know different people respond to different meds, but what meds do you think would get me back to the the place I was before, I'm aware I'll have mental problems for the rest of my life and that scares me so so so much

Thanks for listening guys x

[Owl]

Hey sweetie,

You aren't that "out of it" and you certainly haven't lost your mind. You seem to be fully aware of your feelings and that something is wrong. One of the other patients in here told me that people that have truly lost it and become very very ill aren't even aware of it. I guess I was a bit like that for a while! So don't you worry, you still have a good grasp on what is happening and are seeking help (something a lot of people, including myself, do not do)
I do understand your confusion about the world around you. I have days like that - where I have no idea what's going on or what's happening and it can be quite scary.

Regarding your question about meds... I couldn't really tell you. It completely depends on what you are diagnosed with. If it's depression then an antidepressant, if it's anxiety then some kind of anxiolytic. It doesn't seem like there's any type of psychosis or anything but then again I don't really have perspective on that myself so wouldn't like to pass comment or advise on it as I'm not impartial and really do believe antipsychotics to be horrid drugs. That is my personal opinion though.

I think the main thing to remembver is that you know your feelings aren't "normal" and you're seeking help so you still have a lot of insight.

Hope things pick up for you.  And remember that medication isn't everything. You may find that counselling will work much better for you. I had a therapist who was great and even just helped me to sit with my feelings and be safe until I had the cognitive processing to work things through once I was able to cope with it. 
" I
Fox
X

[ferry1995]

Thanks for your kind words, they've really helped me through the day, I've decided to cut out internet use for a while as I seem to be googling things every 5 minutes which isn't doing me any favours, I've had a bad day struggling through a training course at work but i know I'm getting help starting tomorrow so there is hope!

I'll be sure to come back on and let you know when I get back to normal, however long that may take,
Thanks for your continued help and support and I really hope you get better soon too :) x

[Owl]

I hope your appointment went well. X