Hello my names Rebecca iv just registered

[FootieFan87]

Hi Rebecca

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling low and your boyfriend isn't helping the situation. I find that when I'm feeling catatonic and numb. I just use my energy to get up and hug my mother as hard as I can to connect with someone. She always says something like 'that was nice, what have I done to deserve that' and it lifts my mood. Have you got anyone who is your emotional bedrock? Sometimes when I struggle to have a face to face convo I leave a note or send a text where it the message doesn't get lost in the haze. It doesn't sound as if you're boyfriend is supportive enough. Leave it amicable and once you've picked us the pieces you never know. Thats if you truly love him.

All the best mate xxx

[danbob]

Hi Rebecca and welcome, you have come to the right place!! the people here are incredibly supportive :) x

[overcastrainbow]

Another terrible night and morning.First time this time around i lost control and cried so hard for hours. Im exhausted, i had to wake my boyfriend and ask him to hold me becasue i was in such an absolute state. i knew he wouldnt talk to me today becasue of it. True enough hes ignored me, and left without saying good bye. I just cant cope.

I have uni today and i have to go. But i look terrible and i don't want people to see me vulnerable like this.

I just wish i wouldnt get punished everytime i fall apart, it just makes the descent more rapid.

I know this may all sound just like a big moan about my boyfreind, but its not, i promise. Im conflicted and lost. And i just want to be found again

[cornish]

awww thats terrible that  he reacted that way   but i can see why he did, i think he cant cope with it and he's just trying to hide from it

[Zaf]

I think cornish may be right, some people react that way with depression, and sometimes terminal illness

[danbob]

Another terrible night and morning.First time this time around i lost control and cried so hard for hours. Im exhausted, i had to wake my boyfriend and ask him to hold me becasue i was in such an absolute state. i knew he wouldnt talk to me today becasue of it. True enough hes ignored me, and left without saying good bye. I just cant cope.

I have uni today and i have to go. But i look terrible and i don't want people to see me vulnerable like this.

I just wish i wouldnt get punished everytime i fall apart, it just makes the descent more rapid.

I know this may all sound just like a big moan about my boyfreind, but its not, i promise. Im conflicted and lost. And i just want to be found again

some people dont understand, im sorry he is acting this way.

i have had this exact same response from a couple of my ex partners, be strong and hang in there, dont let someone elses misunderstanding of what your going through dwell on your mind too much.

do you go to see a therapist?? maybe some gentle education will help your partner understand.... you should take him along to the doctors or therapist with you so he can see this is a medical illness and he could also get pointers to help you through this.

[overcastrainbow]

Sorry for my late response.
I had to spend the weekend away due to the state i was in. I stayed at my parents who are very supportive. Also spent money i didn't have on shopping, so have lots of new clothes.

I stayed away as my partner on friday nigh informed me that hed black listed my number so i couldnt text him in the day. I just cant understand this as i dont send loads of emotional textx. I think he juat wants to ignore me.

Spoke to him yesterday just to say that i wasnt sure when id be home, possibly tonight. He seemed down, i felt bad. But i just dont know what he wants anymore.

The self harming has now become routine as once before, and the citalaphram is makign me feel rough as well. Feel like a faliure.

I am on the waiting list for therapy, i have a two month wait. Going back to the doctor to get some time off of work as im not coping. I would my partner along but he would never come. One becasue hes not interested in my illness and two becasue he would never take time off of work for me.

im at work now but i really dotn want to be. Had awful dreams last night of beign a little girl being murdered and then turning into a ghost. It was horrible. Its such a beautiful day and im so frustrated that i cant enjoy it, everythign looks grey and everything tastes like ash