Hello all,
Thought I would join this forum to talk to like minded people and see if this would help me.
I feel like I am depressed but I can say for sure if it is depression or just feeling down. I cant say I have ever felt this low in my whole life. I feel like every thing is closing in around me, like I don’t know who I am any more and don’t know what to do with my self to make things better.
I have just tried to get an appointment to see my GP, and the earliest they can see me is the 9th November.
I feel like I have no one to talk to right now. And that no one will understand what im going through. Not to mention the comments of things like its nothing you will be ok. Etrc etc.
My feeling have now affected my relation ship with my girlfriend, and to cope with things I have decided the best thing to do would be to go on a break so I moved out of our flat last week Thursday and I am currently staying with my mum until things are sorted and I know what is going on with my head. The relationship has not been going good for some time, we moved in together in February this year, things started of great and then I slowly started to feel lonely even through I was with her. We pretty much stopped have sex which got her down but I just had no interest init.
Things at work are no better, I have some how got my self into a slump and feel the only thing that will help work wise is to leave and find some thing else, which has the classic problem of leave and do what.
I have gone backwards in life, I was a shy child grown up and came out of my shell a bit in my late teens and now its like im back to being a child, I find it really had to talk to people, express emotion or say whats on my mind. Its almost like I feel im being judged for every thing I do so I just say nothing.
My sleeping has gone to pot, I some time will lay in bed for hours, thinking of random things. When I do sleep im up at all times in the night this can be any where from 10-30 mins.
Im a smoker since the age of 16 never really smoked more than 10 a day unless on a night out, but the number of fags I smoke now has gone up. I have even chain smoked a few times which is some thing I never do/did.
I can now literally go through a whole day with out talking to any one, only specking if some one asks me some thing. Im like a walking zombie.
The only things that seem to relax me now is going to the gym or having a drink both of which is some thing that should not be done every day.
I don’t know what wrong with me, its like I have 28 years worth of built up emotion to release but with no way of venting it. As said already there is no one to talk to no one that I even trust to talk to. I have shared bit and bobs with friends since the split on Thursday and spend Thursday Friday and Saturday drinking with different people. Not to the point where im p***ed on the floor but its not me to drink 3 days on the trot.
I have even thought about just packing up and leaving every thing, just moving not saying a thing to know one and going. But I cant do that. But what I may do its just pack up and go some where for 2 or 3 days on my own and see what happens.
I don’t know what the dr will say weather this is depression or some thing else but im hoping you guys can help with my feeling if any of you have been through them before.
Thank you for taking the time to read this….