Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Pip on May 20, 2013, 10:00:27 PM
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Time for a new thread 0158 so I will start.
Today has been a good day for me generally. Been out today to get utensils to help me in the kitchen such as a one touch can opener and a one touch jar opener. We've had a community nurse round this afternoon for hubby as he was diagnosed with angina. Our mutts have made a new friend so very happy.
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I've had a few days away and have come home feeling happy and relaxed.
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I have woken up happy and the sun is shining :exc:
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Not so good today as I didn't sleep well last night :(
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Popsicle - lots of :hug:
I've got a bad cold :(
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:hug: to both of you.
I'm okay apart from being annoyed with somebody. Last year I broke my ankle on his property and am after compensation (long story). Today I got a letter from his insurers solicitor trying to deflect fault back on me. He claims that I told him I had slipped on his property but he's not sure if I did yet he was the one who saw me fall, told my husband and was the first one there to help me up. It has been implied that I should have been more careful and that his property is well maintained on the assumption I fell on his ground. I am so angry because I know I fell on his property, it was dark outside so I walked cautiously and I was watching where I was going 004 . He is such a liar!
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Was on a bit of a downer yesterday but probably attributed by arthritis being bad. I've had a good night's sleep and feel better now.
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Hope your arthritis has been easier for you today.
My mood has been been low today as I have problems sleeping. My doctor doesn't like prescribing sleeping tablets as a rule so I may need to keep on that I can't carry on not sleeping much.
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I take Amitriptyline as one of my pain relief tablets and it helps me sleep
Today has been a generally good day and the weather helps.
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Had an entire weekend at home spent it locked away in my room doing coursework but even that I haven't found mentally stimulating. Back at work tomorrow and just cannot even contemplate going but gonna have to force myself due to people not knowing about my depression. My body just feels limp and lifeless and I don't wanna see or speak to anyone.
How is everyone on this bank holiday weekend?
PP
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It's been good, very relaxing as we do voluntary work 4 days a week and go to church on Sundays. Sometimes it's more if needed so we deserved a rest. Hubby's been able to get some work done in peace as he does webdesign. Friday had been a long day as I help with a lunch club which is once a week and we've been short on volunteers for the past few weeks. Hubby opens up before we need to be there to let in the community bus volunteers. The ones who go in on Fridays only have a key for the office but not the main door or alarm fob. The only advantage is I've been able to stuff in the half hour / 40 minutes before the others turn up.
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That sounds very rewarding. What type of voluntary work do you do?Webdesign sounds well cool, puts my dull pharmacy career to shame haha. Was thinking of doing an open uni course in computing, IT and statistics, don't suppose he'd happen to know much about that would he?
Glad you are having a relaxing weekend, sounds like after Friday you deserve it!
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Hubby is self taught. He left school without any qualifications and when we got our first pc I was the one who had to work out how to get started on it :bgrin: .
Our church is made up of two buildings, one being the chapel, vestry, tiny kitchen and toilet, the other one is the church hall. That has a main hall with stage, ladies, gents and disabled toilets, three rooms of different sizes and large kitchen. The hall is actually used for different activities such as an operatic society, scouts and cubs, weight watchers, parents and toddler group, credit union, lunch club and community bus.
We officially volunteer for the credit union which is open Tuesdays and Thursdays for 1 1/2 hours on both days. Hubby is part of the property team so we both clean the church hall (all rooms) on Wednesdays and at lunch club on Friday. We are also on the cleaning rota for the chapel so do that about every 6 weeks. Hubby is also one of the funeral stewards. However if there is a funeral and the family want a buffet in the hall I get asked to help with that and for specials such as the Christmas fayre. I even been asked to sit in the office if any of the volunteers don't show up for the community bus. That's an easy enough job though. We are also 'on call' for opening locking up the hall when outside groups such as weight watchers who are in on Saturday mornings.
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I been feeling numb for days and I am simply existing. Each night I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up.
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I been feeling numb for days and I am simply existing. Each night I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up.
I am pretty much the same.I feel numb and feel nothing,which i've found seems to have happened over past week,which i find strange cos normally am filled with anger,self hatred or hating everyone else.Do you find your numbness has come
about like that or has it been different for you?
Big hugs
PP
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I'm tired today and a bit down probably because it has been a long day. A few years ago when I was on one anti depressant I felt the same over feeling numb and just existing so came of that medication. No matter what my mood swings are it's better than feeling numb.
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The anger and hating others I do relate too 0158 . Have managed to get through another day and had a hot bath so curled up in front of the tv now watching Holby City.
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meant to be training for charity walk but overwhelming feeling of crapness at fact Im overweight, unemployed, partner unemployed and even my own mum thinks I should be sorted by my age all goes over in my head.
Cant say how I feel as its at stage where just feel a fake each day saying I still want to be here when I dont.
The dog keeps me going. She attention seeker which suits me as guaranteed snuggles.
Not sure this undercurrent negative thoughts have ever not been there
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in a word, 'empty'
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Lots of :hug: Stewart.
sapphire78, what's the charity walk in aid off?
I can relate to how you're feeling. Today I feel tired and drained but then again we have been busy the last few days.
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Had a horrible day it has felt so unreachable to get to the end of work at 5pm.Was supposed to go to gym but just wanted to get home and away from everyone.Got home and sat and cried,which is incredibly unlike me cos i never cry.I just want to beat mys meelf up and am full of self hatred.does this mean my depression is getting worse if I'm experiencing symptoms i haven't had before?didn't think it could get any worse!
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I am sorry you have had a bad day. It may be new symptons you are experiencing, I can't be sure. I've got like that at times but then I do suffer with low self esteem so that's 'normal' for me.
I've been busy recently and didn't get home until 7 pm. Been a better day for me and I am glad to finally get my feet up.
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PIP charities are BLESMA and ironically COMBAT STRESS.
Today I feel guilt, for wasting money on food and scoffing it, for not noticing dog was stressed by too many visitors. Also feeling tired, always tired the meds give me the weirdest dreams and I wake up loads during the night.
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Lonely
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why are the walls moving?....
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Thanks sapphire, both are good causes.
It was too good to be true my mood keeping stable. Today I have been tetchy, feeling low and have felt like the day has gone from bad to worse. We have a coffee morning once a fortnight at our church so we normally have a coffee before credit union volunteering. Hubby went out before me as one of the stewards had asked him if minded doing the overhead so showed her different things. I got up there about 10.30 am and poked my head round the chapel door to let him know I was about and was going over to the back hall to do the hoovering and clean the fridge the church has been given to replace the old one. I was so fed up by this time I wasn't in the mood to socialize so made my excuses to get on with things.
Instead it seemed lie I got one interruption after another then the community bus volunteers were still in the office gone midday and our time there started at midday for the credit union. In the end I sarcastically asked if there was any chance of me being able to hoover. I don't think they realized I was there for credit union as well as hoovering.
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Having another bad day emotionally due to the neighbour from hell. Trying to work out what pleasure he gets out of upsetting me. I wish I could go to sleep and and not wake up.
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Do you own your house or is it rented?Is there no option to move?I know we shouldn't have t move cos of dumb ass neighbours but if it is affecting you like it is then it should be considered.
PP
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I've been rather quiet this weekend as I have been in Manchester to see Muse this weekend.Whilst seeing Muse at a stadium gig with my bestest friend ever was well worth it,I feel it emphasised my problems.I used to love going on a night out and could party til the cows came home but when we went out I found myself wanting the night to end cos I felt really anxious and on edge.I found myself really agitated and wanting to punch people who happened to accidentally bump into me.I felt so fat and uncomfortable cos everyone around me was so thin and I hated myself,I got obsessed with finding people who weren't as pretty as me but it never came.Like today I nearly had a panic attack over picking dinner cos i'm frightened to put on weight after last night.I have had a good weekend but couldn't wait to get home and lock the door and hideaway.I think I am becoming scared to go out.I feel I have nothing to look forward to now,like this weekend was it.Having something to look forward to would help me manage my depression but now I fear it will get worse cos I just have work,which I hate and having to meet up with people when I want to disappear :(
PP
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We're in rented accommodation and the housing association knows about the problems we're having. It's been going on for several months now. This neighbour is bipolar which is the excuse he and his wife use for his behaviour. Both myself and my husband suffer with depression but we don't use that as an excuse to behave badly.
The saga started when he complained that we weren't clearing up after our dogs when they poop out there and it was causing a smell. This is completely untrue but the community team officer for our area had to come out to us. She was satisfied that we were telling the truth. Anyway he complained again so she came out just to find out that it was a wasted journey again. We were really fed up so had a list ready for her over problems we've had since we've lived here. To make a bit of sense of this there is a right of way through the gardens and as his is the middle bungalow he cuts through ours when he wants to mow his front lawn. These included;
- him chucking pot plants and bags full of grass cuttings on our lawn on the grounds that they were in his way even though they were by the step by back door so he had to walk round that anyway
- pulled out rose bushes and plants at the end of our garden for no reason at all
- made clean washing on the line grubby as he moved them going through our garden
- is noisy from 6 am when he's working
- lets his dog wander off the lead when he takes the dog for a walk or he's out the front. He's even taken his dog through our garden.
There have been other things but you get the picture. His dog is a beautiful spaniel called Max and we wish our dogs could play with him. The problem is our dogs have been attacked by other dogs in the past so they get tetchy with other dogs. For that reason when we take them out we keep them on their leads when we take them for a walk. If we see any of our friends with their dogs they know our two will bark but if we stand and chat the dogs calm down. Unfortunately this neighbour doesn't care nor does he have any respect. We also brought up the point that he can go through the garden the other side of him. Anyway the last time he was a pain was just over a week ago when he chucked garden to the end of our garden walked backwards and forwards through our garden several times and even tried peering through our window. Due to the angle of the blinds he couldn't see much but I knew it was him as his reflection was on my laptop.
Yesterday I went out into the garden for the second time to clear up after the dogs when he came out having a go at me. He insisted the whole garden was covered and it smelt. I was sharp back as there wasn't any smell and there was only a couple of bits out there. He just wouldn't shut up so I went in to calm down then went round the front to put all of two small bags in the bin and he started again. I completely lost it and gave as good as I got as he was coming out with a load rubbish so I told him exactly that. Hubby will be back on the phone again tomorrow as I have told him I can't take anymore and would rather be homeless than put up with the war.
We are on the Homeswapper list but the only people who have been interested live in flats above the ground floor. That's no good for us even if we didn't have pets as we got our bungalow on medical grounds due to arthritis. Our physical health has got worse as well. I've also applied to East Durham Homes as well as they do a bidding scheme. We want to stay in the same town but just not next door to him. It is possible that our housing association might suggest moving us our they know we are quite happy being tenants of theirs which would be the best solution for us.
We lived in Rochdale 10 / 11 years ago and it was when the Commonwealth Games were on. It's rotten feeling anxious though :hug:
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Having a good day today. It's sunny and warm which helps immensely 0066
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Glad you have had a good day Pip.Have you been up to anything nice?
Mine's been a mixed bag,started the day off really depressed+dint want to get out of bed but obviously had to force myself to go to work.The morning was a blur I didn't speak to anyone.Went to the pub on my dinner for a couple and subsequently had a better afternoon,as I felt more relaxed.Then tonight I had my group session at my well women centre which always helps as I am around fellow sufferers so we can share experiences and also the classes give us techniques on how to manage our symptoms and thought processes.Gotta go home now and pretend life is a peach but guess I can't stay in the pub all night.
PP
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Yesterday morning was spent out in the garden, it's only small but at least we can sit out there. We were volunteering at the credit union in the afternoon so the walk there and home again were nice.
Today has been good. This morning I went through the place cleaning as I'm doing my cleaning duties at the back hall tomorrow as we've got credit union again then. I felt quite accomplished by the time I had finished as I had also done a load of washing. Our friends laugh because I love cleaning and washing dishing when my mood is low as I usually feel better afterwards.
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Glad you had a good day yesterday sounds like you had a very constructive day.Hope the weather stays nice again for you cos up in Yorkshire it's really dull,which doesn't help my mood.I'm back at docs this morning at the request of my GP cos i've give up with been passed from pillar to post so i just put up with feeling like this cos I haven't got the energy to fight.Hopefully my mirtazapine will get increased to 45mg the maximum dose cos 30mg int doing owt.Have a good day volunteering.
PP
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Hope your appointment went well.
Have had a good day today. This afternoon I got most of the veg prepared ready for tomorrow as we are short on helpers this week. This evening we went out for a meal with a grand total of 11 of us. It was great fun which was a relieve. I'm partially deaf so normally I go quiet when a crowd of us are together as I find it hard to hear one conversation as all the voices sound like a babble of noise. However tonight it was easy for me to follow conversations and everybody made sure I was included,
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Glad your meal out went well,it's progress if you enjoyed it.I hate going out for meals cos I don't like eating in front of people and "catch up" meals mean people telling me what they are doing with their lives when mine is none existant.Docs went ok she told me to stay on 30mg mirtazapine for at least another four weeks so we shall see.
Hope you've got a chillout weekend planned.
PP
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Feeling exhausted today. I used to hate eating in front of other people but have got over that since helping out with the lunch as we eat after everybody else has gone. The friends we went out with last night we see regularly so we have plenty to chat about as we can guarantee at least one person has a drama going on or they've been on holiday.
We were out between 8 and 5.30 pm as we had to attend the AGM for the credit union.
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Having a really bad day today feel so anxious and on edge to the point where I can't function.I can feel physical symptoms with it like my heart racing and am really fidgety.Started off ok this morning so am wondering why this is happening so out of the blue?
How is everyone else doing at the moment anyway?
PP
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Bad day here as well. Started off with not sleeping too well last night and hubby woke me up at 7.00 am. If I had the energy I probably would have screamed. It;s been difficult to keep my eyes open until mid afternoon, now I feel more awake but hoping to sleep better tonight.
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Sorry to hear you dint get a good night's sleep,have you tried nytol 2 tablets usuly knocks you out.I've been having issues with sleep past couple of nights been waking up a few times during the night,which for a month on mirtazapine is unusual for me.Had my well ???womens session tonight which did help but just feel so crap right now,having a few drinks and gonna hibernate in my room and am feeling like harming myself again.Progress seems so far away right now
PP
???
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Haven't felt like posting the past few days due to lack of sleep. I haven't tried Nytol and am taking 40mg - 50mg of Amitriptyline a night. When it has the right effect I sleep well and feel drowsy in the afternoon which I can live with for a good night's sleep When it doesn't help I wake up with a severe headache verging on a migraine and sometimes feel sick during the day.
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not the best of days, but not as bad as i was a few weeks back.
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Feeling better than I have as I'm sleeping better. Finding little things are setting me off being snappy but not so often.
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Feeling happier today :exc:
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Glad to hear you had a better day yesterday.I'm feeling great today too I go on holiday tomorrow to Isle of Skye which is my favourite place so I can escape my dull,depressive and mundane daily life for a week at least.Scared about coming back though but trying to block that out at the minute.Take care
PP
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Enjoy your holiday 0158
Today ended up being a bad day but not because of depression. Been sick this afternoon and suffered a bad tummy ache all afternoon. I managed to get some sleep which helped though.
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Feeling better than I did Friday.
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Today I feel unsettled.
I finished blanket I've been making and need to decide on a new project to give me some focus.
Anxiety levels are still creeping up, had to give in and take Lorazepam last night, but at least that meant I slept.
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I'm tired and grumpy today as I didn't get enough sleep last night but that is my fault for not going to bed at a reasonable time. I can only manage basic crocheting of squares so make blankets occasionally. It's 'therapy' for my fingers as I have osteoarthritis in my hands ~ have got it in my back and ankle as well ~ so helps with keeping my fingers moving.
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I know how you feel, Pip. I can't ever seem to get enough sleep, even when I have the chance. Like your avatar BTW, some people I know should take note of that.
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Thank you, I have another one that says 'I love walking in the rain because no-one can see me crying' which I sometimes put up on Facebook.
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Hey guys,
Sorry i have been away so long went on holiday to Isle of Skye other week so have been pre-occupied with other things.Firstly how is everyone feeling at the mo?my holiday did me the world of good.It made me realise how much i had to live for and appreciated home,plus its positive effects have lasted almost 2weeks since i got back.However,this afternoon like someone flicked a switch i plummeted downhill to the point where i feel depressed again and have no enthusiasm or desire for anything,i just wanna curl up in a corner and cry.I have no idea what has brougjt it on but this afternoon was an immense struggle.I managed to go to my spin class and i've got football training at 8 but can't face it and cannot think of anything worse than putting on a front and pretending life is a peach.What in Earth could have brought this on?
PP
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I'm glad you posted as I was wondering how you were.
I am sorry your mood has dropped, it's horrible when that happens.
Haven't been feeling great due to someone being nasty. The nastiness wasn't aimed at me personally but it still upset me. He has been warned not to gossip as the people who know know what was said don't believe a word that has been said. Of course the damage has been said and he can't take it back.
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Hey,
That person,is it your neighbour again being an idiot again or have you moved since my absence?Footy training was so hard and i felt like a right failurr,came last in the fitness test and was crap in the kickabout.I cried all the way home.Plus after last week's session my shin and ankle have been sooo painful,i thought it was shin splints and a sprained ankle but after a trip to A&E turns out i have overstretched my ligaments in the top of my foot so gonna be unable to exercise for 2 weeks,so everyone will be fitter than me and i'll be left behind so my life will just compromise of work in next two weeks :( it int a life just an existence.how is the church going?
PP
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No it isn't the neighbour, we're getting the silent treatment now :happy0158: which I can live with. No it's another idiot who is trying to blame other people for some money going missing from an office. We suspect he took the money and forgot that he had it as it's been noted on paperwork that the money was given into the office and now he can't account for where it is. He was told to report the incident to the police but as so many people go into the office where the money was that he can't prove who took it. The end result was that he reported the money missing to the police for insurance purposes but hasn't accused anybody to the police. The reason I was upset is because I was in the office with one person who was accused. I had the attitude that if that person was a suspect then I must be as well yet the accuser hasn't blamed me.
Feeling better than I did.
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That doesn't sound very good,the fact that someone had the nerve to accuse people without any facts.I bet it was upsetting to feel accused in such a way.Has it.got sorted now or is there an atmosphere in the office now?Glad you are feeling better than you did and the neighbour has piped down!am okish at the moment my leg and ankle pain is getting me down cos it's so frustrating not being able to keep active.I still don't have any confidence so going out with my friends in town is out of the question.Plus i am particularly vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and destructive behaviour so i can only drink normally in the safety of my own home but i would like to go up town and enjoy myself,but it's gonna take a while.Have you many plans for the sunny weekend?
PP
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I'm not sure if I'm feeling better or just numb at the moment. I think it's numb because I have a hollow feeling inside and just had a crying fit for no reason. Sorry to hear about your current frustrations Pip and Pierre.
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feel like im melting
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Hi, I don't post very often, but feeling very low and suicidal again :(. Think it may be the heat and lack of sleep.... :(. Sorry, just wanted to write it down somewhere.....
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Hey Catherine,
Really sorry to hear about how you are currently feeling?What are you doing today is it something that can keep you occupied so you aren't just focusing on these suicidal thoughts.I know how powerful they can be cos I have gone downhill this week and you cannot think about anything else they are so strong.Are you on any meds if you don't mind me asking?
I got my mirtazapine increased to 45mg cos i was so low and the suicidal thoughts were poignant again.Last night was my first night on the maximum dose and i was knocked out straight away.Sleep is the only thing i enjoy cos i don't feel when i'm asleep if it makes sense.Tuesday i was really bad i went to my friends i was in such a state i couldn't go home,i was considering suicide that night and had been drinking and harming myself everything got top muh.Luckily sitting with my friend helped and a hug.Make sure Catherine that you have at least one person that knows everything just in case,so you have a safety net!On a positive note i got told my counselling could be as close as 6weeks away,then i will have at least some hope of getting better!
PP
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Hey folks,
What a terrifically crap day today was, I am left wondering what the actual point of getting up in a morning is. No one understands me or how difficult existing is. Well I tell a fib there is one person but unfortunately I can't spend all day with her everyday as she has a family. She is the only person to read my "book" where everything I feel is wrote down, I'd end up sectioned if others read it. I am stuck in a job I hate, doing a course that will take at least 18 months so I am stuck with it. I've even considered crashing my car to get me a few months off work, getting hammered on my lunch hour to buy myself a few weeks despite then facing a disciplinary, running away; the list goes on even to suicide plans. However, the one thing that cuts straight through these plans is my parents. If only they weren't around the decision could be made in a minute but as it stands I'm trapped in a life that is pointless and with no hope. The straw will break the camels back soon and I guess I am gonna have to face the repercussions of it all, just to have felt the escape. I feel like drinking myself to oblivion but I have to go pick someone up so I can't even black out. I got chased up from my course provider about missing more deadlines today, which just left me in tears. If living is too hard then how on Earth can I bring myself to do my course?I go on holiday in a couple of weeks and after that I cannot even think of Christmas or 2014, as not even September exists at the moment! I feel I am slowly creeping towards the "desperate times call for desperate measures" prophecy.
How is everyone else doing?
PP
:bash:
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In one word ..... tired!
Catherine, I understand how you're feeling. I have grown used to having suicidal thoughts every day, that makes me sad. For many years I have had suicidal thoughts during bad bouts of depression, since the beginning of March it has been daily. Lack of sleep doesn't help either which I'm inclined to believe is due to the heat. I take 40 mg - 50 mg of Amitriptyline at night. When it helps I feel better in myself when I wake but when it doesn't I tend to be grumpy. It isn't great getting a second hit early afternoon either.
PierrePierre, is there no chance of yous searching for other work?
Being in a job you don't enjoy won't help with how you are feeling.
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My friend takes Amitriptyline and citalopram and she has found the addition of citalopram has improved things a lot for her, so perhaps it's worth mentioning to the doc.
I could search for other work but the problem is i am only a pharmacy dispenser and hospital pharmacy, which is the route i wanna go down only accepts technicians. I could totally change career path but that would mean paying back my course fees to the company which would equal nearly £1000, which would hinder saving money to try and get a place of my own. If only I could get it done and move on and make a fresh start, I know it would make an improvement to how I feel. They chase me for missing deadlines all the time and my boss never asks how am getting on with it or if I need any help. I'd rather be in debt than do this course cos at least I could borrow money but as it stands I can't borrow time.
How are you recently Pip?Has the whole missing money problems eased or is there still an atmosphere and accusations still about?
PP
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Had a slightly better day today managed a bit of reading for the first time in a fortnighr and even went to the gym.Hope this continues
PP :smile: how is everyone else?
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I've had a few bad days but I think it may just be down to the weather, hay fever and the meds I'm on. Sunday I had a bad case of the shakes for several hours.
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Hey,
I seem to be doing ok at the moment.I'm far from happy and still hate my life but my 45mg mirtazapine is kicking in.I just needed something to get me through the day and *touch wood* it appears to be and is taking the edge off things.Sorry to hear about your hayfever,I'm lucky i've never suffered with it.The shakes sound pretty bad "/ what meds are you on if you don't mind me asking?I work in a pharmacy so could look into it for you to see if it is related to your meds.
PP
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I have had some pretty awful past few days, i had a 24 hour sickness bug on top, but today i feel so good im doing the housework! ^_^ Still feel a bit poo but im pushing it back and being proactive!
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I feel like im getting used to my meds now, its my third week of taking them and the side affects aren't as bad as they were.
the suicidal thoughts aren't really there at the minute but I know from experience it can take the smallest of knockbacks to set them off again. . . .like if things really get that bad id just end it... those thoughts are always there unfortunately but today I received a letter through the post from the hospital saying that I should receive a letter through the post about my first (this time round) therapy session. found it a bit funny they sent me a letter to say there sending me a letter but seeing that when your in our shoues is a bit of a lifeline. like they are letting me know they are doing something to try and help, its nice to know.
I have jobcentre today and the last time I was in their my advisor seemed to understand my struggles with depression which was nice to see rather than having the feeling someone is rolling their eyes thinking im making it up because im unemployed and blagging being on benefits. im really not!
they are outing me up for a few tests and some training to try and get me a job, no agencies so im hopefull I get this job. its nothing amazing but I really need job security to pay some debts move out and get a car!
I hope everyones feeling better or having a better day than the last!!
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Hey folks,
My mirtazapine increase is starting to kick in now and I can get through days. I think I am currently on the tight rope of recovery and any slight thing could knock me off and make me want to end it all again but I go on holiday in a week so hopefully that will add to recovery. I got to the point of planning it, the day and the method and the place. I found it helpful to write it all down in my little book and sometimes when I am feeling really low I get the book out and revise the plans. At the moment I am not at a point where I feel I will act upon it but the thoughts always stick in your mind. Glad the job centre are understanding you Craig84, after all not having a job can have a real impact but I have always been fortunate to have one. Good luck with the training and finding work!
How is everyone else feeling?
PP
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The shakes sound pretty bad "/ what meds are you on if you don't mind me asking?
Sorry I forgot to answer your question. I've run out of the ones for hay fever but they weren't helping anyway. The following is what I'm on;
Amitriptyline 40 / 50mg - depending on how I sleep :biggrin:
Amlodipine 10mg
Naproxen 250mg - three times a day
Paracetamol 500mg - two tablets four times a day
Ramipril 5mg
Simvastatin 20mg
Tramadol 100mg modified-release tablets - two twice a day
I haven't suffered shakiness since last Sunday so I don't know whether I was run down or what or whether it was the heat getting to me.
This week has been up and down for me but I am feeling a bit better in myself. Made some people laugh at church as we use the overhead before the service to play music videos then to leave a picture up during the service. Rick went off to another church in the circuit so It was left to me to set it up. Normally I dismantle afterwards as we use my laptop so it was a new experience setting up. It took two of us to find the lead for the sound due to the way it been put to one side. At one point I was on my hands and knees while juggling my mobile talking to Rick. We got there in the end
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thanks for your wishes pp.... I hope your recovery stays consistent the holiday should help :)
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Glad the shakes have subsided Pip can't have been pleasant.Have asked my boss at the pharmacy if there was any link but she hasn't got back to me yet.Thanks Craig84 just 5more days at work and hope may become reality!
PP
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My boss has got back to me and says it is likely to be a combination of the amitriptyline and tramadol because they both act on the central nervous system so beware if it happens again you may need to mention it to your doc.
Night
PP
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Thank you and it does make sense. I knew amitriptyline worked on the nerve endings as I had a discussion with my doctor in regards to depression and it not being so effective when I am depressed for that reason. Didn't know it was the same with tramadol. I have taken your advise on board though and I have a good doctor who is easy to talk to :happy0158:
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feeling pretty lost today, lethargic and de-motivated... not sure why ... theres no real reason for it just having a bad day I guess...
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There is not a word for how low i feel today... Well the past few days... Cant stop crying either, so frustrating!
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It's felt like a long day here despite being out twice which included a long walk with the dogs. They seemed to enjoy it more today as there has been a lovely cool breeze. All I can put it down to is not helping with the lunch club yesterday which is tiring to do as we're there for at least 4 hours so Saturday is usually my relaxing day. Last night I slept well for a change though.
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I may open a vent topic ina mintute until then can you start one and I finish it ...... had a pretty brilliant yet absolutely &$%+ day myself
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Hey folks how is everyone doing?I've just got back off my holiday and i feel the best I have in a while.I laughed more in the past week than I have all year and I even started making plans for next year where as before 2014 didn't exist cos i never knew how i'd get there.I haven't taken my mirtazapine all week due to late night drinking every night and early starts, the sedation would have been too strong.I've come to the conclusion that my depression comes on with my job,my work colleagues and the people i associate with but how on Earth do I address that without completely cutting myself off from people and move away?At this point i'm good and coping,hope everyone else is having a better time.I booked myself a weekend away to combat post holiday blues for a fortnight so least i can look forward to something.
Speak soon
PP
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Have had a pretty good day all in all. Been at church this morning as hubby and I are shampooing the carpets in the chapel and the hall. We are using a vax which isn't ideal for all the area needing to be done but the church can't afford an industrial one. I find it quite relaxing doing it though once I get going probably as it's a gentle motion moving the vax backwards and forwards. My back was a bit achy afterwards but I hadn't over done it. This afternoon I have been getting on with stuff I wanted to do online.
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Hey,
Hope you are having a more relaxing day today Pip,otherwise you'll be doing your back in!Sounds like you had a very prosperous day,i hope today is the same for you.Am having a bit of a struggle tpday feeling anxious again and worrying/stressing over everything-so much to do at work,not being able to get in at docs for my meds just everything.Had a lapse and gone to pub on my lunch our for a double vodka which i haven't done in over a month where as normally i go for coffee but my coping mechanism and the effects of mirtazapine have been pushed too far today.I feel I can only relax with a drink.I've totally shut myself off from people today don't feel i can talk to anyone but i have plans to meet a friend tonight but ain't really up for it.I can't cancel either cos i did last time so gonna have to pretend everything is hunky dory -,- how is your neighbour these days,has things improved?
Hope you are having a good day
Deflated PP
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Our neighbour has a new way of annoying us. He hasn't spoken to me since the last time he upset me but then when he sees me my husband has been with me. The man is too much of a coward to be nasty to me when I'm not on my own.
He has a beautiful spaniel called Max that is very friendly. The usual problem is that he never has his dog on the lead when he has the dog out with him. It isn't a problem when we are out without ours but when we do he has no control over Max. Our two were attacked when they were puppies so they are fine with humans but don't like adult dogs, puppies and kittens they do like. He knows this but doesn't care and it gives him an excuse to complain. Anyway the latest is that he has left Max a few times on his own over the past week and he howls when he is on his own. One morning, a couple of days ago, Max was crying from about 6 am until about 11 am when the neighbour or his wife got home
I've been anxious and irritable since Tuesday morning as an idiot cut our telephone wire. It wouldn't be so bad if neither of us had health problems. My husband had tests done yesterday because he suffers with angina and I couldn't go with him. We are still waiting for it to be fixed although it has been temporarily fixed.
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How has your anxiety been over the past few days?Have you managed to get your telephone line fixed? Least if your neighbour isn't speaking to you he can't make you feel any worse, like he used to by having a go at you. People are so petty these days it is ridiculous.
I'm really struggling this weekend. It is the one year anniversary of the works do that f****d with my life today and I just feel forgotten. All my problems were aired like dirty laundry after that night and people acted like they wanted to help me get better but one year on, I'd go as far as saying I am in a worse state than I was. I've gotten as far as planning it but cos I'm an only child I couldn't do it to my mum and dad. If they weren't around, the decision would be so much easier. I just wanna go out and get absolutely wasted cos that's how I feel but everything I do is watched and I'm "old enough to know better". I'm supposed to be going out with my mum and dad to the pub tonight but I just don't feel like talking to anyone at all. Past few days my eating disorder tendencies have come back and even though I'm on a shake diet I'm even scared to have those. I couldn't care less that it is my birthday Tuesday it will just be another day of suffering. How is your weekend?
PP
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Feeling pretty tired and drained today, probably because of a restless night waking up with sweats freezing my ass off. have been babysitting my nephew today we had a lil party in our room, jumping on the beds and dancing around for a while. love that lil dude, he really looks upto me and I feel guilty sometimes because im so low. I can manage small periods of seeming like nothing is wrong and im back to my old self but there really short lived... I don't know why either.
im doin sheperds pie for dinner with cheesey mash with cheese on top. im a cheese freak I love it. really don't have the energy I don't eat nearly enough as I should atm, I have the shakes from not eating I only had 2 sslices of toast this morning.... I guess ive been pretty active today even though I have no energy, I took the dogs for a walk down the gorge and got attacked by nats, nettles and brambles, haven't been down there for a while I didn't expect it to be like im a celebrity get me out of here.... the dogs enjoyed it though. always brings a bit of happiness to my day when there back at home panting with those smiles on their faces.
just feel like a zombie today ... miserable as always ..... probably helped along by my miserable brother leeching around asking me what he can do..... get a clue that's what... think for yourself I cant be bothered for you right now boy. I kept going upstairs and lying down on my bed with a smile on my face that I could roll around and be comfortable. its the simple things that matter most really....
would be rude to post without acknowledging previous posts.
Pip when you leave i'd report your neighbour to rspca, his not controlling max could end terribly its the same kind of thing that happened with my neighbours staff attacking mine, kai was on his lead and the other dog just gunned it for him and took a lump out of his leg. days later it attacked the postman im sure I told you. I cant stand people neglecting their animals. I understand you not wanting to because of the neighbour though. it would only make things worse..
PP ..... how are you doing now was work ok today?
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Hey,
Sorry to hear you are feeling tired and drained today :( least you had your nephew to keep you busy today and if you enjoy spending time with him then there was a positive to your day.
Good lord you do like your cheese haha. I am a cheese snob, has to be Cathedral City cheese if I ever have it lol. Never, really have Shepherds Pie much as a family, it's usually always a roast. Had it the other week on holiday and it was very nice. Two slices of toast :O would take me about half an hour to eat that and I'd be full for the day. Glad you had a good walk with the dogs, bet they keep you fit.
I know what you mean about your room, I go and put my IPod on and lay on my bed when I need time out, so by doing that it probs prevented any rifts.
Am ok today, work was busy but not as stressful as I had anticipated. Struggled with my eating a bit today, dint have my shake until about 3ish and then went spinning tonight. The woman who runs the class pushes you with an inch of death so I had to have another shake and a muffin :o which I feel guilty about having but it got me through it and I guess I will have burnt it off. Just having a banana and a shake for supper and a couple of whiskies.
:hug:
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We are thinking about reporting the neighbour over his dog but are more inclined to report it to our housing association. Max is a beautiful and is well looked after as a rule. For that reason we will probably have more joy with our HA as the RSPCA will take one look at Max and see he is about the right weight for his breed and he a friendly dog. He isn't being left at the same time every time he is left so it would mean ringing when he is. On the other hand the HA can do something about it as we are allowed to have pets provided they are kept under control and aren't a nuisance. We have already complained on a few occasions that the only time Max is on a lead is when the wife takes him out for a walk on her own. We have come close to having words on a few occasions about Max not being kept under control out the front. One of these days I can see him either being run over or attacked by another dog. There is a nasty terrier in the road at the end of our turning. There have been a few times she has gone for our dogs and the owners are very irresponsible by sitting or standing there calling out to her. She came close to biting my ankle on a couple of occasions recently.
Been feeling a better the past few days although I have been doing my best to get out each day. Last week I had to stay in for a few days because of the telephone wire. It got to the stage I didn't want to go out.
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didn't realise I didn't reply :(
yeah I know what you mean pip then it will be against the owner not the dog, good thinking!!!
small dogs suffer from short man syndrome I swear they do, the smaller they are the more volatile with other dogs, I suspect it may be because they are so small they can sit on the owner and be carried a lot hence the dog see's anything as a threat which I reckon, is why the smaller dogs are so volatile. fingers crossed you are moving sooner rather than later and shouldn't have to worry so much...
lol cheese snob PP :p I like cheddar, and ummm I don't even know what its called but I don't like the really pungent blue and green stuff... that's off to me but I have been to a few wine bars and had a cheese platter :) had no idea what cheeses they were but it didn't matter in the end, the wine won lol
im not sure about me being fit, I walk a lot but have exercise induced asthma so cant really run around, that with my joint problems doesn't leave a lot of room for exercise. I don't even have a inhaler anymore but I don't run anymore really, just after the dog if I have to which is rare. id miss a bus rather than run for it. which Is why I always leave for things earlier than I have to so I don't have to rush around...
today has been pretty low and boring for me... kai seems to be okay and hasn't hopped or limped at all today so im pleased about that and continue to monitor him. He and shadow playfight which I think is what happened. kai has blunt teeth because his k9's are all chipped from when I worked for a demolition company there was no sticks so he's come running upto me with metal pipe or steel in his mouth, but the time I realised the damage was done, shadow however has sharp teeth but kai is the muscle.... its harmless playfighting when im here cos I clap and they stop when I think its getting too much, play fighting can switch to a real fight if your not careful. I wasn't here and no doubt josh was antagonising them to fight and my mums just useless tbh...
hows everyone else today? :hug:
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Feeling tired and don't feel like doing much. I am tired of not being taken seriously over trying to get DLA and people thinking I am much fitter than I am. Let them live with my pain for a week and then let them tell me I don't need any help. I can't even bother going back to the doctor about either as I'm on a cocktail of drugs now and any changes work for a short period of time then I'm back to square. The only difference is now that I have changed one of my blood pressure tablets the 'Ramipril cough' as it is called is easing up now.
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Hey Pip,
Sorry to hear how you are feeling this weekend, what has brought it on? You seemed to be coping well, what with all the church functions you had on and your neighbour had stopped been a nuisance. That is the problem people are too quick to just assume, when they don't know the full story instead of listening. Sadly, ramipril is well linked with causing coughs a lot of people do say that is a common side effect. What have they switched you onto now, if you don't mind me asking? By cocktail of drugs, is it for depression or for pain. Was it back pain you suffer with? Sorry to hear how you are feeling Pip hope things pick up soon
Big hugs
PP
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Sorry I haven't responded as I have been feeling very low. I've been put on Losartan (think that's the right spelling) which has helped. It's the pain that is causing a problem for me lately and most of my medication is for that. Yesterday I was absolutely crippled up and couldn't get comfortable at all. I suffer with arthritis pain which is in both hands, right wrist, back, right hip and right ankle.
What I do around the church I do actually enjoy but I'm my worst enemy there as I don't know when to say no. I've been told to slow up regularly so I know the others care and they will insist I go home or get on with jobs before I do.
Today I do feel better. We got so fed up with all the neighbour problems that I got us on the Homeswapper site. Anyway last week I got an email from our HA stating that they're not going to be part of the scheme. This means that the HA tenants can be on it but will have to pay the fee to be on it. Instead the HA is just going to concentrate on Homeswap which is equivilant to Homeswapper and fas been incorporated into Durham Key Options. That's how we got the bungalow we're in now. Anybody can apply to Durham Key Options regardless of whether they are council and HA tenants or not. People will get points in reference to age, medical problems, married / single / in a partnership etc the same as council and HA waiting lists. The bonus is that people can put bids on properties they are interested in and whoever is at the top of the list gets first refusal. Now people can do a mutual exchange through the scheme as well.
I applied for us to get onto Durham Key Options about 12 days ago and last week we got a letter through letting us know we had been accepted. I put in four bids all on bungalows with the closing date of the 10th September for bids. One is a mutual exchange so it was up to the other tenant to get in touch with us. One is void which means it's not ready yet so if we wanted that one we would have to wait until the work is done. That left two and yesterday we got an email and telephone call but were out. Rick rang the HA when we got home and HA officer asked if we were still interested. We are so we went to see both bungalows. Both are nice so it we had to weigh up the pros and cons. One had a higher fence round the back garden but the other had a fence round the front garden, it has a shower as well as a bath and the kitchen is a bit bigger. There are new kitchens and bathrooms in both bungalows which is good. The one we chose we will be signing the contract on Monday with the tenancy starting the following Monday. However on Tuesday we are going to pay the first week's water rates so we can pick the keys up and get moved in.
That in itself has cheered me up as it gets us away from the neighbour.
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Feeling like crap, full of cold, sick of being used, tired, bored, going nowhere in life, always running round helping or doing for others, when i need help...guess what...nobody is there, my life is destroying me.
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Crap weekend
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Hey niz don't think I have ever spoke to you before. I hope this week has started better than last week ended. I can empathise with you there I think when you are depressed you feel so alone and suffocated. I found with me I so badly wanted someone to say "hey you aren't ok tell me what's wrong" and to give me a hug but I found people were oblivious and couldn't see it and I wasn't at a point where I could go to anyone myself. I found I was a shoulder for my friends when they needed me and often put others before myself, which meant I just was left feeling lost and hopeless. That is when I found this forum and felt comforted I was in a place where people could understand. I don't know your circumstances but I had my life mapped out, applied to university and then failed to get in so I was left thinking what do I do next and if am honest I still am stuck in a rut and don't know what my purpose is yet. I took on a pharmacy technician course at work and now I don't enjoy my job, I'm obviously stuck until I finish that course, I feel like my life is wasting away and it's passing me by when everyone's is working out. Keep your chin up Niz, am here if you ever wanna chat :) :hug:
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Sorry I haven't responded as I have been feeling very low. I've been put on Losartan (think that's the right spelling) which has helped. It's the pain that is causing a problem for me lately and most of my medication is for that. Yesterday I was absolutely crippled up and couldn't get comfortable at all. I suffer with arthritis pain which is in both hands, right wrist, back, right hip and right ankle.
What I do around the church I do actually enjoy but I'm my worst enemy there as I don't know when to say no. I've been told to slow up regularly so I know the others care and they will insist I go home or get on with jobs before I do.
Today I do feel better. We got so fed up with all the neighbour problems that I got us on the Homeswapper site. Anyway last week I got an email from our HA stating that they're not going to be part of the scheme. This means that the HA tenants can be on it but will have to pay the fee to be on it. Instead the HA is just going to concentrate on Homeswap which is equivilant to Homeswapper and fas been incorporated into Durham Key Options. That's how we got the bungalow we're in now. Anybody can apply to Durham Key Options regardless of whether they are council and HA tenants or not. People will get points in reference to age, medical problems, married / single / in a partnership etc the same as council and HA waiting lists. The bonus is that people can put bids on properties they are interested in and whoever is at the top of the list gets first refusal. Now people can do a mutual exchange through the scheme as well.
I applied for us to get onto Durham Key Options about 12 days ago and last week we got a letter through letting us know we had been accepted. I put in four bids all on bungalows with the closing date of the 10th September for bids. One is a mutual exchange so it was up to the other tenant to get in touch with us. One is void which means it's not ready yet so if we wanted that one we would have to wait until the work is done. That left two and yesterday we got an email and telephone call but were out. Rick rang the HA when we got home and HA officer asked if we were still interested. We are so we went to see both bungalows. Both are nice so it we had to weigh up the pros and cons. One had a higher fence round the back garden but the other had a fence round the front garden, it has a shower as well as a bath and the kitchen is a bit bigger. There are new kitchens and bathrooms in both bungalows which is good. The one we chose we will be signing the contract on Monday with the tenancy starting the following Monday. However on Tuesday we are going to pay the first week's water rates so we can pick the keys up and get moved in.
That in itself has cheered me up as it gets us away from the neighbour.
Hey Pip,
How are you feeling at the moment? Noticed you were feeling low last week, hope things have picked up this week and you ain't in as much pain. Yeah Losartan is correct, don't think that has many common side effects and you certainly will get rid of that cough you had.
I know what you mean with saying no at church. I often make a rod for my own back at work cos I like to learn new things and how to do stuff, once you know what you're doing you seem to get the jobs all the time. Plus, then when someone asks you to do something else you feel bad saying no, well I do, I feel so guilty like am letting them down or like am a failure, so I take it on and then struggle with the workload. I guess it's a woman's thing lol but we do need to sometimes take a step back and not take everything on.
How is the house hunting coming along, have you had any positive news yet?
Am doing ok and coping at the moment, had a decent weekend and actually enjoyed playing football yesterday and I can't remember the last time I did. Having a few problems with eating again, have my good and bad days where I hardly eat anything and survive on liquids cos am frightened of putting weight on. Am still on the counselling waiting list think am gonna ring up next week cos it's been over 2 months now. Am doing a meal replacement diet to 1) lose a lot of weight and 2) it is the only way to hide my eating phobia cos people accept "I'm on a diet". I need my counselling to start in the next month cos I need them to help me overcome my eating problems before the shakes run out and I'm forced to eat again. Overall though, at the moment, besides the eating, I can say am managing, am far from recovered and well but getting through the day has become easier, which I think the 45mg Mirtazapine is finally working.
Hope you are well
PP
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Hi there, yes at times I just want someone to say "hey whats up" and just listen not react just to listen. I have been on this site for a while just not been on here much as things were going well, took on a promotion in work, starting to enjoy my own company as well as others.I guess sometimes the rug gets pulled from under us all at times and we hit the floor.I hope your week goes well for you and thankyou for advice.I hope I can offer good advice back to you if you need it. :hug:
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The house hunting was quick. About 10 days ago I put on three bids all on bungalows that nobody else had bidded on and one was for a mutual exchange. I went through Durham Key Options which has two options; mutual exchanges and putting bids on empty properties. If more than one person puts a bid on a property whoever bids first gets first choice if they still want the property. The closing date for the bids I put on was the 10th September and on the 11th we got a telephone call to say we had a choice between two. The third one is void which means work needs doing on it so it will be a little while before it's ready. We went and looked at two of the bungalows that afternoon and decided which one we wanted. The advantage to the one we chose is that it has a shower as well as a bath. Both the bathroom and kitchen have recently been updated so completely new in both. We got a call the following day to say we could sign the tenancy agreement on Monday which we did and moved in yesterday. It's lovely to get away from the horrible neighbour though,
As to how I'm feeling I am achy all over despite not doing any heavy lifting. It's the getting the place semi straight so I could start unpacking everything. Most of our clothes have been unpacked, food has been put in the kitchen and I am gradually getting glasses and crockery unpacked. I've even managed to get a few books unpacked. It's going to take a couple more days to get straight but I can live with that.
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Feeling tired so have had a quiet day in.
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Feel ok cos I'm in bed. Mornings terrify me so enjoying this moment.
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Feeling relaxed day generally as hubby was out at his men's meeting this morning so I could do a bit of catching up with programmes. Went out for a walk this afternoon and picked up carpet which I laid in our porch way and have been relaxing since then.
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Feeling Lonely and rejected.
Not done much today, no-one to talk to, no-one to sit with, just been alone, just like the many days before this one, I try to keep occupied but it's always there, that feeling of having no-one to talk to... I'd kill for someone just to come round for a cuppa.. just to show me a little bit of someone else's time.
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Been a while since posting here. My mood has been up and down with the stress of moving but getting better now. Have been stressed partly because we knew hubby would be going into hospital for a stent to be put in. It should have been today but there was an emergency so put back ops so hubby was sent home and a new appointment will be made for next year.
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Hey,
Sorry to hear your mood has been up and down.Glad you are moving though surely that will help if you ain't around that horrible neighbour of yours.How is your husband?How come he has to have a stent put in?I haven't posted for a while been pretty busy and stressed with work.I have had a horrible week last week my dad had a heart attackvsp I had to do cpr and revive him :( still haven't recovered from it cos I can't bare to process it yet.He came home yesterday but has had a defibrillator fitted in case it happens again.I had my first counselling session today and everything is all mashed up again.Just hope by the end of tje ten sessions I will have got better.Good to hear from you again Pip
PP
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So sorry for your dad ~ it is hard when it's a parent. My grandad died of a heart attack in the middle of the night while I was still a child. My grandma woke up about 2 am and he was already dead so she was in a terrible state, rang my dad and he went straight to him. Hope your dad is feeling better though.
One of my husband's arteries in his heart is completely blocked so the team want to put a stent in to open it up. If they can't do it they will have to rethink whether to try a different way or do other surgery. We found out earlier this year that my husband has angina. We knew one artery was partially blocked then last week we were told another artery is completely blocked.
I hope you do benefit from the counselling.
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Hi Pip
Feeling low today but at least not suicidal like last few days.
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Hi Lulubobs66
Hope you've had a better day today.
Our morning started badly due to an aquaintance knocking on the door at 7.20 am. His excuse was he could see our lights on and assumed we were awake. I had forgotten to turn off the fairy lights last night so as you can imagine we weren't amused. We got a long story of how he had gone drinking in Durham last night and had lost his wallet and he had put on the wrong jacket which meant he had lost his money and cards. He claimed he had to walk from Durham to our home which is about 12 miles and he was still drunk when he got to us. We didn't even get to the bottom of why he turned up on our doorstep then it took us almost two hours to get rid of him and that was only because a friend agreed to drive him home. I was giving him cups of coffee which didn't help.
Fortunately our day improved as we went to one of the churches in our circuit this afternoon which was just a social thing then at another church this evening.
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So I had my first counselling session last Wednesday and I would like to say it helped but it didn't. Everything was brought to the surface again and is all mashed up. I don't know what issue to address first: the eating, the drinking, the depression or my dad's heart attack. I feel like giving up at this moment in time and the suicidal thoughts are becoming stronger. I normally love Christmas but I hate it this year, I can't get motivated for it and I just wanna stay in bed all day. I can't deal with people at the moment and all their jolly festive spirit. I know I should enjoy Christmas even more cos I am lucky my dad is still with us but I just can't. They were talking about putting a stent in my dad's artery but after his angioplast they discovered it was too difficult. Instead he has a pacemaker/defibrillator fitted to help revive him in case it happens again. Having to give CPR to your own dad is the worst thing I could ever have had to have done but am glad I helped keep him alive otherwise if he wasn't with us I don;t think I could carry on.
How are you Pip and Lulubobs this weekend?
PP
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((((PP)))) ~ I can't imagine giving CPR to my dad either but if I had to I would. I hope you manage to stick it out with the counselling although it does sound overwhelming. When I had counselling 2004 / 2005 the first session was the hardest but it did get better.
My weekend ended up being good overall despite a 'pain in the rear' turning up on Saturday and Sunday. I won't call him a friend as I don't know him that well and got to know him through a mutual friend. The basics are he is 61 years, name Colin, is either from South Africa or from Zimbabwe originally (he got us completely confused), moved from South Africa to the UK ten years ago and has worked on and off but is getting pension credits. Colin has been backwards and forwards from London and Bishop Auckland over the years ~ we have our suspicions he has been running away from problems and debts. Anyway several weeks ago he upped and moved back up this way leaving everything except for two suitcases of clothes so was homeless. The mutual friend lives in a warden controlled complex (he has a ground floor flat) and there is a room that visitors can stay in when needed. Our friend arranged with the warden for Colin to stay there for a few nights which turned into about four weeks. Hubby offered to help out with sorting out debts and finding accommodation. Colin outstayed his welcome three days running but we sorted out his debts and found accommodation for him which is a council house just by placing phone calls. It is easy to get social housing up north so within a few days of seeing the property Colin signed up for it and moved in.
He has been a bit of a pain ringing up every day and we gave in to him the day he moved in to sort out his electric and gas. He is on pay as you go meters and completely got wrong over what he needed to do apart from informing npower he had moved in so the debts would be wiped clean.
Anyway he turned up Saturday complaining that we weren't returning his calls we he left messages on our answerphone >:( which isn't true. We got rid of him fairly quickly as we were helping out at a church mini Christmas fair in the afternoon. That was great fun and were supplied plenty of tea and coffee free for helping :happy0158: ... I'm a walkover when I get a supply of tea or coffee ;)
Yesterday Colin turned up on our doorstep at 7,20 am which didn't go down well. The excuse for knocking was because our fairy lights were on because I had forgotten to turn them off the night before so assumed we were up :bash: . The stupid man went drinking Saturday night and claims to have lost his wallet with all his money and mobile in Durham which is 12 miles away. He claimed he had walked back but he was still drunk so if he had walked back he would have sobered up. We then found out he had woken our friend up at 6 am begging for money. We both hit the roof as this friend is 81 years old so can do without it. Colin has been warned not to go back to this friend who will call the police if he does. That put the fear of God up Colin. We have found out that Colin is here on a British overseas passport so shouldn't have been working here as he was told when he first came over that legally he can't work in the UK on his visa or passport. Fortunately another friend agreed to take Colin home. We haven't heard from him since :cheerleader: .
Yesterday we had a good afternoon at one of the local churches which was a sociable session with tea, coffee, mince pies and biscuits. I like this time of year with the churches as they do so much to attract people in and it's great to meet up with friends who don't normally go into churches. Don't get me wrong we do like going to pubs and for meals but on the other hand we don't have to drink alcohol to have fun.
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Sorry Parsnip Pierre, saw post at weekend and forgot to reply then couldn't find it. I had an ok weekend, started to come out of the black hole and suicidal feelings have gone now but still low. I can't imagine what it must have been like to give you Dad CPR bless u. I know this time of year when your supposed to be jolly, yeh right not when you suffer depression hey. I've been spending quite a bit of time sleeping because there hasn't been work yesterday and last week I rang in sick, I made a story up though because I didn't want to say 'just' depression because ppl just don't understand especially bosses, they think you can just snap out of it. I always struggle holding down a job, when it hits me all I want to do is stay in and away from people and just do my own thing, as much as I feel able to that is. I was doing fine and then some problems surfaced and the depression hit. I feel so frustrated that I can't just 'come out of it', don't want to feel like that. Hope you and everyone has a better week x
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Not good today, feeling worse than ever in fact. Was the works xmas doo last night and I didn't go as I don't have the money but trying to explain that to people that cant get a grip on the fact that I really don't have any spare cash is difficult. I gave up in the end and just made another lame excuse on why I couldn't go. No doubt I will hear how good it was today and I cant begrudge others for having a good time. I have stopped going for walks at night as it upsets me seeing how people I grew up with have made a go of things in their lives and a success, seeing all the Christmas lights and knowing that I have not been able to provide things this Christmas for my family. I get home every day to my wife moaning about something really small and not important like kids untidy room or the phone has rung with sales calls. I am drained and physically in pain from stress and depression. I have been trying to sell things on ebay to get some extra cash but not had any luck. I keep saying I will make Christmas good but I have no ideas or energy left to do anything about it. I know its not about the materialistic things and I don't expect or want anything but a happy day but unfortunately the its other people that don't see things that way. Our fridge is on the blink the cooker is on its last legs and is letting off dangerous fumes the sofa is knackered . Maybe I am just a miserable person, people are always saying that I am so maybe it is me. I have had a really good spell of feeling good about myself and life in general but the people that were around for me when I first hit rock bottom are no longer interested in my ramblings on again, I guess that they think I made a recovery and now are either bored of my problem or have their own issues to deal with. I don't know anymore looks like I will have to just deal with my problems somehow.
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Yes, this is a hard time for those of us with depression. The festive air all around us is almostlike a slap in the face.
I'm Jewish, and Christmas is not my holiday, but I've always enjoyed this time of year. When I was younger, I lived in New York City, and my older sister and I would walk along 5th Avenue and look at all the store windows. Even when I was older I enjoyed it. This year, I'm going through a very hard time and everything is flat. I miss what used to be.
As for today.....I'm in a lot of pain. I fell a couple of days ago and sprained my back. I really did a number on myself! I could barely move. It's starting to get better, but still hurts very much. My depressive mood hangs on like a heavy lead cloak. I'm doingall Ican to fight it. My dear birds help...I love them so much, and they give meso much comfort.
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niz, it is tough being short of money and even harder when there are children to think about. I agree people are too materialistic generally and even more at Christmas. I can remember when I was young I loved Christmas as my parents made it so special. They were poor when we were very young but they managed to do Christmas stockings which would have stuff like nuts, fruit, sweets comics and that sort of thing that they could get cheaply. After breakfast we would get our 'main' presents which we all took in turns to open. At tea time we would have 'Christmas tree' presents which would be stuff like bubble bath, shampoo and so on. My sister and I didn't think we were poor as we loved everything we got.
Today I feel exhausted as I was helping out a lunch club then again today. It was the Christmas dinner today and we cooked for 60 people plus prepared 35 meals to go out. About 10 Sainsbury staff memebers came to help with serving up the food. We, the kitchen staff as we were referred to, were asked to go into the room where the meal was and got a 'thank you' which was appreciated and received a present each. I wasn't expecting anything as I haven't been helping that long but lovely to receive ~ it was a luxury box of biscuits :cheerleader: . This evening we have been to Eldon Lane which is a village. The Methodist church there is part of our circuit and every year they go out carol singing on the streets and collect money for charity. This year is for Action For Children. I was amazed how much we were getting in as two of us were collecting in. I got £20 in £5 notes without all the charge with several giving £2 - £3. Tomorrow will be the last of the lunch clubs I will be doing until 2014 and the second day running of doing a Christmas dinner.
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Seems a lot of us are not looking forward to the festive season this year. Christmas used to be such a happy time for me but this year I would just like it all to go away. would love to fall asleep tonight and wake up on New Year's Day when it is all over.
As Christmas gets closer I have felt more and more depressed by the whole thing. People being so giddy at work has really irritated me and I also rang in sick on Monday 16th; I felt quite ill from lack of sleep over the past couple of weeks but mostly just couldn't face going in there and being around them all. Big difference for me though is I am lucky enough to work with people who do understand how debilitating depression can be.
Sorry to hear about your dad PP, must have been an awful experience for you. I have been having counselling for almost five months now and, I agree, at first it just drags everything up and make you feel worse. Still not sure if it is working as I don't feel any different about my issues than when I first started but I hope it helps you, given time.
Brilliant that you raised so much money for Action for Children Pip; children's charities are very close to my heart.
I hope all who have posted here manage to get through this festive season okay. Best wishes to you all.
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The final amount was about £140 which was good considering we were collecting in a village and we didn't get that many people in.
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Trying to perk myself up today, half day in work then a few are off to the pub for a drink (I wish), I was going to go and meet up in there with my work mates but I am getting the guilt trip off my wife for going so not sure whats happening. I hope that the people that are struggling with Christmas spirit like myself ride the wave and get over it, I wish everyone in the forum All The Best for the Christmas period and I really mean that as I know that it may not be easy :bye:
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Our pleasures are simple and don't cost much so ours was a peaceful Christmas Day. We have helped at different churches leading up to Christmas Day so we were given cups of tea and coffee for free. The community spirit has been lovely.
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Hey how is everyone doing at the moment?Hope you have all enjoyed Christmas as much as you can at least? I've been a bit hit and miss recently, what with all the stuff with my dad's heart attack knocking for six. He's home now and is recovering slowly but I still don't feel in the slightest bit myself. I've had trouble with anxiety the past week or so and also my overall emotional state. My eating problems appear to have crept back to the forefront of my life so I avoid food wherever possible and if I am forced to eat in family situations then I have to kill myself at the gym to break even. I've been toying in my mind over hurting myself again, which I have done a couple of times in the past few weeks but this week, I guess luckily I have fallen asleep after thinking these thoughts from my alcohol consumption. I've had two counselling sessions at the moment but obviously had to break for Christmas, which I think has left me in a bit of a void. The first session I didn't find helpful as it mashed everything up and brought it all to the surface. However, my second session we focused on my eating problems and it did really help, I kinda understand my thoughts and feelings in relation to food a bit more. So much so I am looking forward to my next session next week.
Hope everyone is ok and I apologise for not been about on here much but had a lot to sort out to make Christmas perfect for my family.
PP
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I was busy up until Christmas so it did keep my mind occupied. Feeling deflated at the moment and on enforced rest as the voluntary work I do doesn't start up again for over a week.
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Don't you find that between Christmas and New Year t is like being in a void or black hole? Everything is kind of a let down and an uncertainty? Did you have a lot going on up to Christmas with church? By voluntary work do you mean in terms of the church stuff you do?
PP x
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Trying to perk myself up today, half day in work then a few are off to the pub for a drink (I wish), I was going to go and meet up in there with my work mates but I am getting the guilt trip off my wife for going so not sure whats happening. I hope that the people that are struggling with Christmas spirit like myself ride the wave and get over it, I wish everyone in the forum All The Best for the Christmas period and I really mean that as I know that it may not be easy :bye:
Thats nice of you niz hope yours was.... Bearable :)
I dont wanna rain on the parade of anyones xmas... So... Happy new yr :D hope next yr a wonderous cure for our illnesses is redily available and we can all enjoy life... Not this gigantic thing that seems more like a prison!
Ive been low today.... Same reasons as always... Environments and people areound me dragging me down.
Slightly better now from speaking to a friend and listening to music id love to dance to but..... The dogs asleep lol
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Hope you enjoyed the pub with your work mates. Wish I could go to the pub everyday on my lunch hour. I have a hip flask but don't think that will compensate the issues only for a day. I didn't realise you was married, I hope things are going ok for you! I know Christmas isn't easy but I hope my depression forum friends are managing!
PP xxx
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Yes the voluntary work has been partly to do with the church we're members of and the local one. The lunch clubs I have been helping with are held on church premises but are also technically an outreach projects. A number of churches do lunch clubs but so do other organisations and it is easier to get involved in church ones. These were going on until the last Friday before Christmas Day but there were other outreach things we were doing and extra services. With these things we are reaching out to people who don't go to church but without ramming our faith doen anybody's throats. It's more to do with helping communities feeling like friendly ones so it is easier for people to ask for help when they need it. The local church runs a food parcel service and over the past year there has been an increase of people asking for help not just for food.
I am feeling rough today as I didn't sleep well which is depression related.
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Gosh you do a lot of voluntary work I take my hat off to you. The Queen should be taking notes and putting you on next years honours list! It's people like you that keep communities going especially the elderly. There are too many people who are lonely so something as simple as lunch clubs can really help. My grandma goes to a couple of those in her town and she loves it so you are making a difference. Hope you managed to get through the day with you feeling rough from not sleeping. Hopefully you can get a better night's sleep tonight. If you have any night nurse that always knocks me out or Nytol, advantages of working in pharmacy, you know all the tricks ;) I felt rough in a hangover sense today cos I really struggled last night so I had quite a bit to drink to try black things out but just made the day harder. I still feel not at all myself and vulnerable at the moment. Hope you have a good New Year's Eve and all the best.
PP
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Even though I'm tired the day hasn't been too bad. We took a walk into town mid morning which was quite pleasant as there weren't that many people about. We got a bus back though as we were both feeling tired. Our neighbour has gone a way for a few days so he ad popped in first thing to ask us to get his bin out Thursday. For the rest of the day I've been doing a bit of catching up with online friends on Facebook, some friends are pre Facebook days but they live down south so it's a good way to stay in touch, and keeping an eye on our other forums. This evening I will be reading a book I got for Christmas as it's about three Irish Catholic priests who have compiled CDs and it's about them growing up in Northern Ireland right through to the present and how they came to release CDs.
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Have been off work for Christmas holidays and go back this Monday coming, I'm so fed up really don't want to go back to work and fed up with family life, just want out, just want to be on my own and enjoy my own space. Trouble is if I don't work then I don't get paid so therefore cant live. I am so tired all the time and just feel I don't rest. Nothing to look forward to this coming year apart from the same old dreary life.
The outlook for me this year is very bleak, unfortunately and I do not want to go through another year like the last :(
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Hey Niz,
Sorry to hear about how difficult things are for you. What job is it you do? I like you dislike my job, I find it is the root cause for my depression. I spend all week hating work and wanting to be at home and then when it is the weekend, I want to be at work. It forces me to get up each day and interact with other people where as if I had to choice then I would isolate and withdraw myself. Like you I need to work for the money so going on the sick is not an option. Could you not look for something new and interesting to challenge you. Are you married or have children? I have nothing to focus on this year and getting through it does feel like a tall order. Have you not got any holidays planned or just one thing you can focus on to help? With me I just need to learn to tolerate this misery and just plod through the days trying to hope.
Hey Pip, how are you at the minute? Have you managed to get a couple of good night's of sleep? How was your New Year?
PP
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Hi, I am/was a vehicle tech but then took on role as service manager for a new callenge, although I can do the job fine I am just really bored of it. I am married with 2 children, I dont own my own house it is rented from my boss. I am the only income for our family as my wife has tried looking for work but just has no luck. I am just getting very tired from being nagged at home and not getting anywhere in life. I dont see a wage it just pays bills and like most I dont get paid if I'm not in work, I feel very trapped and helpless.
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I'm still tired and have an appointment with the doctor at 9.20 Saturday which shocked me. I was asked if I wanted an urgent or non urgent appointment so I said non urgent as I want to discuss my pain relief and how depressed I am. I didn't even realize until today that our surgery is open on Saturdays for normal appointments.
New Year's eve I went to bed about 11.30 pm but was woken up about midnight due to loud fireworks. It took me a while to get back to sleep then it was for short periods as I was over tied and in pain. Last night I went to bed about 10.30 pm but we got a few phone calls from a friend so hubby and friend kept me awake talking :bash: . Eventually I did get to sleep which was a bit better than the night before although not great.
I get pins and needles every day either in my fingers, right foot or down my right leg. I'm not getting much rest from back pain during the night and during the day I get pain intermittently in my hands, knees and back and the length I suffer with it depends on how much I'm moving around.
Last year was a bad year for depression which I know is affecting my sleep. Being severely depressed also has a knock on effect with pain as well which means amitriptyline isn't working for me so it's a vicious circle and it's making me very irritable.
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Hi Pip
Sorry to hear you are feeling so depressed and unwell at the moment, I hope you get the support you need from your GP to help you feel better.
PP and Niz
Sorry to hear that you too are havig a difficult time. I did not look forward to Christmas and I am glad it is all over but, like you, don't look forward to another year of the work-home-work drudge.
Let's hope that 2014 is a better year for all of us.
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Good luck at the doctors in the morning Pip. You must have a great GP surgery for them to open Saturdays, that is very rare in the GP world but least you can have a longer appointment and discuss everything you want to. Sorry to hear you are very depressed at the moment. Hopefully when your church groups and functions get up and running they will help you feel better. Was the phone call from your friend that guy you were having problems with a few weeks back. The one that kept coming round and calling your house?
It sounds really bad the pain you are having to put up with. Do the doctors know what condition it is and what has caused it. Amitriptyline is a good all round drug, as it used to be used as an anti depressant but now tends to be just for pain. In my job I have seen doses up to 150mg a day so if it isn't working then perhaps your doc could increase it to feel the benefit. Hope you get on ok.
Cheers JC and all the best for you this year.
PP
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My appointment this morning was productive. I now have sertraline for depression and know it will about two weeks before I benefit from it. The doctor has prescribed gabapentin to help with pain relief. I stopped paracetamol as I was getting 100 tablets at a time and kept forgetting to get repeats but it wasn't making much a difference anyway so I told her that.
The pain I have is because osteoarthritis although I also have curvature of the spine as well. I've been very accident prone over the years so that has contributed to getting arthritis in my right ankle. I also got knocked over on a pedestrian crossing about 24 years ago and the worst injury was breaking my right wrist. I got told then I was likely to develop arthritis them. In 2010 I had x-rays taken off my chest, hands, back and right hip which confirmed I did. Last year I had my right ankle x-rayed and that showed up osteoarthritis. I have it in both hands, right wrist, right hip and lower back, knees and ankle as already mentioned. The doctor could tell just by looking at my hands due to the nodules on my finger joints and my hands are a bit swollen anyway. I take Amitriptyline (50mg), Naproxen amd Tramadol as well for pain relief.
No, it wasn't our neighbour making the phone calls :biggrin: it was another friend but as he is on his own I could understand why he was ringing particularly as he suffers with depression.
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Hey Pip,
Glad the doctor acknowledged how you are currently feeling both pain wise and mentally. Sertraline seems to be more
common than citalopram these days, I find at work. I have a friend on sertraline and they are doing ok.
Sounds like you have a variety of good pain relief prescribed what with tramadol and naproxen as an anti-inflammatory. Alongside the Gabapentin that should help a lot. I have always been accident prone like yourself but luckily not yet have I had any osteoarthritis symptoms. There wasn't a month gone by that I didn't sprain or break something. How are you feeling today? Least you could be there for your friend, as it meant a lot to him I bet!
PP
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Yesterday was a good day for me despite drowsiness which I'm used to as we were able to relax. Our neighbour cooked dinner for us so I got a break from that. Today is going to be another quiet day apart from being taken out for lunch which will probably be at Morrison's with another friend. He is a sweet old man who insist's on taking us out occasionally as we have helped him out with different things such as his new laptop as he was clueless how to set it up. It was a challenge for me :biggrin: as it's Windows 8 so my first time setting up a laptop or pc with it on. It was easy to set up then my husband put some programs on it and set it up so it would be easier for our friend to operate.
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Sounds like you have had a very productive day Pip. Least you had chance to relax, which will have helped with your pain levels am sure. Sounds like you have a good neighbour, which I guess we all take good neighbours for granted. When my dad had his heart attack every one of our neighbour's couldn't help enough, so we were truly grateful. I've just recently bought myself a laptop, which has Windows 8 but luckily our home computer is Windows 7 so it isn't much different. Computers are so mind boggling, I'm glad I don't work with them everyday. How are you finding the sertraline?
PP
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So far no side effects with sertraline as such asI tend to get drowsy anyway during the day because of other meds. Shopping this morning was easier today as I wasn't feeling so anxious in Asda. We kept bumping into a couple we know from church so that slowed us up a bit therefore took longer.
How are you feeling?
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I'm pleased to hear you have had a better day and things weren't as tough for you. Well done on ASDA cos I struggle with it. I can't deal with so many people that obstruct me in what I am doing and where I am going. At the gym at the moment it is way too busy for me and all these people scare me, as it is too much for me to handle. I have certain pieces of equipment I use and I follow a strict routine so if my routine is disrupted it brings my anxiety out. :(
PP
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I understand what you mean about routine as I like to stay in a routine.
Got a good bargain in Tesco yesterday which was an HP printer for £5. The only negative is that we already have two or three printers in a cupboard as a certain husband doesn't have the patience to wait until we can afford to buy as it's about £35 to buy ink cartridges for them.
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Feeling a bit spaced out and shaky but prefer this to being severely depressed an in constant pain. Mu hip gets very painful if I'm my feet for a couple f hours so I need to get into a routine where I don;t have to or go take routes where I know there will be benches. I am finding it harder to do anything in the afternoons as my concentration isn't good.
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Sorry to hear you have had a bit of a bad day. Feeling spaced out and shaky, do you think that is down to the sertraline? If you are finding it hard to concentrate in the afternoons, then schedule your tasks for the morning. Least that way you will manage to get through your jobs, rather than struggling to start them. I've had an ok day today, as I went to see a friend and was forced to eat, which if I had been at home I would have avoided like the plague. However, I did find out that a friend as being sectioned yesterday, which I feel really bad for her partner who is a good friend. That has made me brush my problems under the carpet cos I don't want to burden anyone and feel a bit of a fraud, like I should be doing something about mine??? :bash: I'm in on my own tonight, as my parents have gone out so kinda hitting the booze hard, which I know won't help but destructive behaviour is my default setting.
PP
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Hi everyone, new here and so glad I found this site. I've had a very bad day, tearful crying and very confused. Not going into work tomorrow as need to see GP again! I'm on meds for depression. I'm just pissed off as when I'm like this I can even find the energy to clean up. I have 20 month old son that is the only reason why I get out of bed. I'm starting to get worried that he noticing me when I'm upset. I feel very guilty for :( :(
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:welcome: katieangell, try not to find guilty for having bad days. Children can be quite resilient and your son will grow up loving you because you are his mother, he has a roof over his head, he is fed, clothed and knows he is loved.
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Depression is hard enough to cope with when you have no responsibilities but to have to look after a child too must be so hard. You will find comfort and safety on this forum, as we all support each other. The fact that your son is the reason you get out of bed is a good step. Focus on him every time you feel really low and live each day for him. Your doctor should be able to re-evaluate your meds or refer you to get some proper help. I wish you all the best with it and keep trying to take little steps each day.
PP
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Thank you so much. Its such a comfort to know someone knows how i feel. My partner trys but how can he, he has never had it. Been refered to mental health team so moving in right direction. Life is getting better and im feeling positive. My son is amazing, 20 months going on 20 years. He makes me smile and cry with laughter when no one else can. I owe my life to him really other wise i dout i would be here. I'm loving this forum so much support. Its our own world were we are understood. Mucho love everyone xxx
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\I understand all too well. I've suffered with depression my whole life.
I have no children..human that is!..but I have 5 wonderful parrots that give me unconditional love. I get up for THEM to take care of them and they, in turn, take care of me. I have a morning routine that keeps me distracted. I'm on meds that help, I guess. I just started seeing a wonderful therapist who is helping me.
Keep up the good work!
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It certainly does help having something to get up for in the morning whether it's a child, pets or something else. It was hard in my school years as I didn't like the school I went to even though I had good friends there. When I started working I liked my job so it was easier even after I had been coerced into surrendering my son. Work = getting away from my parents as I hated what they did to me.
When I got married my husband was the reason for living then we got pets, a kitten and a puppy so they were a pleasure to get up for even on a bad day. When my husband gets very depressed he sleeps a lot so it's just as well I could get up for our pets and we have had various pets and have always had cats and dogs although we are down to one cat, two dogs and two budgies. Hubby is good as he cleans the budgies cage out, makes sure they have enough water and seed. I find the pets very good when I am at my worst as they come to me more often then.
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They deffo sense when people are down and so does my son. Even though he has special needs he always knows when i need a cuddle. I have postnal depression but so bonded with my son. Just a shock to have a baby i guess and he was planned. I do feel like ive been handed a bad hand of cards though. I just glad we all seem to have some thing or some one to get us up and kick us out of bed! X
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Feeling exhausted which in turn is making me irritable. It is partly my own fault as I was engrossed in a book I was reading last night. Today I was helping with the lunch club which felt like organised chaos/ I have a blister on one of my fingers due to the amount of carrots I had to cut up :confused0062:
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I hope you have better luck with the mental health team than I did. I had an appointment and for the entire hour, I just felt like they thought I was taking the piss. He even said "I don't think you're depressed". It put me off going to the docs if I think I am getting worse. A different doctor referred me to my local mental hospital and they passed me back to my GP because I was in no immediate danger of harming myself or anyone else, despite the emotional torment I was suffering. I had a really bad day Wednesday, as I ended up in the pub on my dinner hour in a state of despair so I needed alcohol to calm me down. Luckily that night I had my counselling appointment so I could talk through my recent problems with harming myself and suicidal thoughts. Since Wednesday the days have been bearable, which is the best I can hope for at the moment. How is everyone doing at the moment?
PP
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I'm sorry that things are so crappy for you, honey. I think that we hve better help here in the States.
I have been fortunate to find a wonderful therapist, whom I've now seen three times. i got her by going to my rabbi,who contacted Jewish Family Services. They in turn called me and gave me her name. I called her and we set up an appointment. She's located at their offices. This is a wonderful service. Do you perhaps have a similar service through your church? It might work better than the MH system.
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There are different ways to get therapy here dependent on whether it's free through the NHS, specific therapy which can be free or paid and going privately. There tends to be a long with for NHS counselling as there are so many people who can't afford to pay for it. With therapy (general or specific) it can be free or expensive depending where people go to. Back in 2004 I wanted counselling for adoption issues and found out about Norcap (a charity that doesn't exist and taken over by another organisation) but to get access for all the services it cost £50 which I couldn't afford at the time. I went to social services who use After Adoption (a charity) where I lived at the time and counselling there is free. It didn't help me much and the counsellor got more out of me talking than I got myself. Other people have been helped though by After Adoption. Alternative Talking Changes which is free and recommended by doctors is a good outlet. I have used that service twice for different reasons did help as well.
Finding help that is free or affordable actually works means searching for it or being recommended to a service.
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I was never really offered NHS counselling but I was referred to local charities by my GP. The waiting list for those is around 6 months. I was really bad April last year and was a bit naive as I expected to walk straight into counselling. I guess it didn't help that I work Monday-Friday until 5.30pm, which probably added a few months on. I did consider paying to go private but then things picked up slightly and I felt I could hold out for the charity counselling. Luckily, when I was offered the appointments, it was at a time when I was really struggling, so I guess it saved me. I feel it is slowly starting to benefit me, just talking through my problems, as friends can be sometimes passive.
I went out for the first time on an evening in nearly two months last night, with my parents since my dad fell ill. I had to force myself because I like to hibernate and shut the world away. I didn't really want to go but to a point I did enjoy it slightly. However, even just after a couple of pints the depressive thoughts were at the forefront of my mind. I kept thinking about running away and suicide to the point I was almost in a trance. Luckily I could pass it off as being tired. I am aware alcohol is a depressant but I always used to love going out with my parents and drinking a lot cos we had such a wonderful time and so much fun with everyone, so I feel a bit deflated the happiness that it used to bring, never came.
How is everyone this weekend?
PP
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Not one of my better days. Since last posting here I've sprained my ankle (week last Friday) which became swollen and bruised, by Monday I had the start of cellulitis on my right leg and by Tuesday I was at the hospital as it was all over my right leg between my knee and ankle. A nurse had the 'pleasure' of bursting a blister then dressing my leg which has been redressed every day except today. I'm exhausted as since Tuesday I have had a lie down in the afternoon until yesterday and as family have been visiting.
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Having a really bad day. I didn't sleep well last night, feeling very depressed and back to finding it hard to look at my leg when the dressing is changed. The right side of my foot looks worse and my leg still looks horrible where it's still infected.
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How am I feeling today?
Well lets see its the day of yet another over commercialised and pointless 'Saints Day'. I haven't slept properly in 3 days (a total of 15 hours broken sleep over 3 nites) with the strong feeling sleep will be a struggle again tonite >:(
So how am I feeling today ....... Overly tired and resentful for having to make someone feel special with an over priced piece of card that somehowis supposed to show how much I 'love' them!
All in all not the best day!
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So twenty-four hours have passed and how do I feel today. To be brutally honest nothing has changed apart from the fact i have had two glasses of wine to see if it will help me sleep better!
Well somethings got to work hasn't it!
And if we're being completely honest I wish I could have finished the bottle just for that extra little bitof help! But alas I was stoppped from doing that!
But maybe that is a good thing cause I'm not sure I could handle the fact that the only way I could get to sleep is with Alcohol!
So then everyone keep your fingers crossed and lets hope I finally get a good nites sleep after so very very long (but I'm not keeping my hopes up though)
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Sorry you're having a tough time.
I'm feeling a bit better in myself today. It has probably helped getting out to church this morning and seeing friends. Still fed up my leg not being back to normal and being redressed every other day. I can see where it's getting better but I have to keep to keep my leg bandaged to stop any germs in the air getting to it. Having pets doesn't help because of their fur.
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Hello folks,
Sorry I haven't been on here much to post when you have been struggling. I hope your leg gets better soon Pip, sounds like it is very painful. Are you under the care of the district nurses, and do they come to dress it on a daily basis? How is the depression faring? Are things still seeming pretty bad? In terms of Valentine's Day I don't really bother with it because it only makes me feel worse. If you're with someone then like you say, why do you need a day to tell someone you love them. If you are single then it only adds to the depression. For the first time in forever I sent someone a card, which was mainly a bit of a laugh but I am praying something comes from it because I do really like them. I don't think mentally I could cope with a relationship but I do think it could temporarily improve my mood. How has everyone managed with the weekend?
PP
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Hi PP
I can't remember if you know I have had cellulitis. Yes I am under the care of the district nurses who have been lovely. At first the dressing was being changed daily then at the beginning of the second week they suggested t was done every other day. As we had borrowed a wheelchair from church and my hubby was getting fitter from when he had the procedure to try and get a stent in the blocked artery - couldn't be done so it's down to medication and exercising - that I go to the surgery for it to be changed. Hubby got an appointment made in front of the nurse and got one for the Wednesday. The following day he had an appointment with the GP which was just as well because my leg had leaked badly so he took me along. Fortunately I was able to see one of the nurses who changed the dressing straight away. I went for the Wednesday appointment and saw one of the other nurses who was furious when she saw the state of my leg. She told me that the district nurses shouldn't have expected me to get to the surgery and I shouldn't have been out with it being so bad. She was annoyed for my sake so told us she would arrange for the district nurses to come out daily starting from the Thursday. The dressing was changed every day until last Monday and it's been changed every other day since then.
It does look better now and the dressing isn't sticking to my leg so much now. It does help that the skin is drying up now and that the top layer of skin is coming away. There is healthy skin underneath. I'm hoping it won't be much longer as it's been three weeks now.
My mood has been up and down with it being more down than up. A couple of days ago it was really bad and I don't think it has been helped because of my leg. I wasn't able to go out without hubby to start off with as I was ill with the infection and had been advised to rest with my leg raised and preferably that I lay in bed. My independence had been taken away from me. The past week I have been gradually getting more independent but it has got to me badly over my leg. There have been days that I haven't been able to look at my leg when the dressing has been changed as it's upset me too much. Today has been a better day as I have been out twice and seen friends both times. They are happy to see me out and about walking unaided.
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I am having more good days than bad ones and helps that I am back to normal with helping at the lunch club on Tuesdays and Thursdays again. Keeping busy generally helps my mood. The first day back ~ last Thursday I had my orders that if I had problems with my leg to go home but it was fine so I stayed till 1.30 pm which is the usual time for me disappearing. It's been nice though with the amount of people asking how I am and they were happy to see me back. Today has been the first Wednesday for the Lent lunches which was at one of the Catholic Church, next week is at our church then another 3 at different churches. It was nice as there were a few of us from our church but everybody was chatty. The weather being good for the past two days has also helped my mood as it's been warm enough not to wear a jacket.
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Good to hear you are back at lunch club. The weather certainly makes a difference, the sun always helps lift my mood. So what are you giving up for lent?
s x
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Junk food, it serves a purpose of giving up for Lent and hopefully keeping up with it :biggrin: .
Today is another good day for me even though I have achy feet after being on them for 4 1/2 hours. It can be hard work as we have to get the meals on wheels food ready for 11 am then be ready for noon for the people who come in for the lunch club. Getting so many 'thank yous' afterwards always make it worthwhile
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Lol junk food sounds like a good thing to give up.
The lunch club sounds like hard work, but so worth it I am sure. The elderly folk must be so grateful.
Hope you have your feet up resting this evening.
S x
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We were at bible study last night but at least I was sitting down. Our discussion completely derailed which isn't anything new and we usually end up having funny chats.
I've finally been taken off the district nurses book which is great news for me. It's been a restful day for me and tonight we are going to an auction at our church. They have a thrift shop so every few months there is an auction to clear things quickly. We got our three piece suite for £20 from there and it looked like new.
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Mums prayer meetings very often end up the same way.
Brilliant news that you have been signed off by the nurses. Hope you manage to find another bargain this evening.
I am feeling tired but OK. The weather being brighter always lifts my mood.
X x x
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There were three things we after but only got one. I was interested in a Geortge Foreman gtill but the bidding went up higher than we were prepared to pay, the same with another monitor. The one we got doesn't work and just flashes on and off. We only paid £1vwhich is just as well. All money raised went to church.
Today started well then my mood dropped this afternoon for no reason I can think. Went to bed for a couple of jours this afternoon for a couple of hours which has helped a bit.
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Hello! I haven't been here in a while....
It's Monday morning, almost 5am...I've been up since 3. I've been waking up very early like this for a long time now. the earliest I wake is 2am, the latest is 4:30am. Needless to say, I'm very tired. I do not nap during the day, perhaps I should.....
I've been feeling rather down...ok, genuinely crappy. I finally found a great therapist. She is wonderful and is helping me. right now she's on vacation for 2 weeks.
I feel sad and lonely, despite keeping busy and seeing my boyfriend every day. My eating disorder is going full force...I'm restricting like mad, and this gives me comfort, odd as that may sound.
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So sorry Fig I missed this post. I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Maybe a nap during the day would help, its very difficult trying to cope when we are tired.
My thoughts are with you.
X x
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Fig, is your sleeping pattern still bad?
I suffered for a long time over not sleeping well until I mentioned the problem to my doctor who tweaked my meds. What I have taken for years should make me sleep well but still needed one to be upped.
I really haven't felt like posting here as my angel died on Friday. It's going to take time for us to get used to our Chyna not being around even though she was quiet. Well except for when she would decide to bring in mouthfuls of (complete) dog food into us, drop it on the floor and then eat. She was equally funny after drinking water as she would come to us with water dripping from her chin then either shook her head so we got a shower or she would rub her chin on our knees to dry it off.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. The death of a pet is one of the hardest things to go through. I miss my dear little parrot, Caillou, who died last year so very much. She followed me everywhere!
My sleep is still the same...I wake eery day at 4am, sometimes at 3 or 3:30. I take Trazadone and Gabapentin (Neurontin) at night, and sometimes Ambien. I don't nap during the day, but maybe I should reconsider doing so....I'm so tired all the time.
I hope you feel better. Remember that your little friend knew how much you loved her.