BPD

[Bexwa]

I've always thought I was a little different when I reached my teens. Moods were always up and down and once I found drink and drugs I became a bit of a wild card. I slept around with, what I'm ashamed of, tonnes of men, trying to make myself feel better. Nothing ever did. I'm been bulimic since I was 15 and had major problems with my weight. Well, I say major I always average between a 12 - 16. Relationships come and go all the time, I have a world wind first few months, decide this is the person I need to be with and then within a few months I am picking at every little thing. Driving them to the brink of despair.

I recently found out I have been suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder for a number of years. I thought something was wrong with me.  The doctors haven't exactly been supportive. I thought they would have explained more things further instead stuck me on medication and wait for something else to be done. I thought therapy would be a good way to help me through it but I've heard nothing more about it. The medication I have been given seems to be taking away my personality all together. I don't seem to have the same sense of humour as I used to. My sex drive has just completely diminished. I just don't know whether it is worth taking the medication, which only seems to keep me on a level Plato.

Does this ever get any easier? I just need someone to talk about it with as I seem to be lost and alone. People treat me different and I know I am acting it since being on the medication. I just want to hear other peoples experiences and chat.

[Zaf]

Sorry I cant help with it but I do know it takes ages for the NHS to get their finger out where therapy is concerned,  has any been offered?

[Bexwa]

They told me I would eventually get some psychotherapy but nothing else has been said about it and that was back in May. The only reason I am being seen now by someone is because I took an overdose at Easter. If that wouldn't have happened I'd probably still be sat here with no help at all. 

[Zaf]

Its ridiculous how long it takes 

[Lol]

Hi Bexwa. You have been going through a very difficult time for a long time and you are feeling confused and isolated by it. You feel at a loss as to why you have always acted the way you have and what your diagnosis means for you now. You have realised you are acting differently now and have noticed that friends and family have started to treat you differently. You feel misunderstood and alone and this is very difficult for you to deal with on a daily basis. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it is very difficult for you. Your doctor has made a diagnosis and medicated you which must have felt like a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel, but alas it has only lead to more confusion as it hasn't helped yet.

I believe every psychological/personality type illness/problem is both a long haul illness and a long haul recovery process. Our health service can not provide this quickly enough for the suffering involved and this is very frustrating. Even when therapy arrives this too takes an awful lot of time, effort and courage to utilse fully.

I hope you find this forum helpful, I certainly have, if you would like to talk more about your feelings here please do and we will support you however we can.

Take Care

[danbob]

i went under the wing of the mental health trust when i was 13 and i only got diagnosed as having BPD late last year ha ha

lots of support that you can find online, i find it easier to get help on here or elsewhere through various organisations than i dp from the NHS

hope you get the support you need soon tho xx

[Bexwa]

I am actually finding this forum so useful. Everyone is so friendly and willing to chat to you when you need it. Its fab lol.

Thanks guys :)

[danbob]

awww no probs xx

[Got]

Hi there.

Nice to meet you.  The NHS are slow arn't they? I hope you get the support you need soon..... X

[Bexwa]

Thanks Stevie, me too. Just seems like you go round in circles for a while rather then anything being done but we'll see. I'll just keep bugging them till they sort it out lol xx

[cornish]

They told me I would eventually get some psychotherapy but nothing else has been said about it and that was back in May. The only reason I am being seen now by someone is because I took an overdose at Easter. If that wouldn't have happened I'd probably still be sat here with no help at all. 

they weren't very helpful with me until i admitted making attempts at suicide and self harm, it took me a long time to open up about that. sadly i think they only seem to want to help when your in danger.

I am actually finding this forum so useful. Everyone is so friendly and willing to chat to you when you need it. Its fab lol.

Thanks guys :)

i dont think i would still be here if it wasn't for this place.

[Bexwa]

Sorry to hear that Cornish. But it does seem like they don't really care until you have a major problem. I feel even more like a nutter now though because I'm the girl who tried to off herself. Its just seems like we have miles ahead of us and no starting line. I guess I'm just scared that this is going to go on forever and things will only get worse.

[danbob]

Sorry to hear that Cornish. But it does seem like they don't really care until you have a major problem. I feel even more like a nutter now though because I'm the girl who tried to off herself. Its just seems like we have miles ahead of us and no starting line. I guess I'm just scared that this is going to go on forever and things will only get worse.

i hear you there, they were fannying about with my meds and my psychiatry for years... try to off my self and they sorted it out within 2 weeks

makes me feel like they dont care till your on your death bed xx

[Bexwa]

Its a sad world, especially when you are having to wait for the NHS.

[cornish]

sadly its not just the nhs, private sector is just as bad, i would have thought they wanted as much "business" as possible but i think they dont care half the time, your just easy money to some of them