please help me

[muliska]

hi...please could someone give me some advise on how to get out of this black hole i have got myself in. I have asked so many people in the medical proffession for help and all i get is another prescription or recommendations of books. I have suffered with derpression for 8 years now since the stillbirth of my baby daughter but i have not suffered this bad since....as i type i cry.....all i do is cry.....is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[Ezel]

Hasn't anybody suggested counselling to help you? 

I am so sorry you're going through this ... can't begin to imagine what it is like for you but you do need to be able to talk about the still birth.  If you haven't been able to grieve for your daughter that will make you feel worse.  You are allowed to grieve for her but also you need to talk about her as she was part of you.

 

[kern]

Hello muliska
All I can do is offer you an open mind and an un judgemental ear.
I too find that some in the medical profession seem to think all is cured with drugs or the ever more  trendy “self help book”. My advice (non medical) would be to ask for some counselling (bereavement might be the best option.) Some times it takes a few attempts, but Please keep trying. :)

I do hope you find someway of getting trought the darkness.
Even if it’s through the typing of words on an understanding forum and knowing there are people out there in the world who care.

Might not be a light but it could be a direction. :)

♥

[muliska]

i just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. I did attend 2 sessions of counselling shortly after the babies death however the sessions where held in the maternity unit of the same hospital i had given birth......i then tried again at the begining of this year and had the full 6 sessions that where offered on the NHS however the lady i was seeing was very 'harsh' and quite judgemental...so as you can see my experience of counselling hasn't been the best.

I have decided to stop taking all the meds apart from the antidepressants as i think they were making me feel worse and i just felt i was walking around in a drug induced haze....i still dont really know where to turn to now or what next? but again i thank you for your words of comfort.

[kern]

I know the feeling of being let down by some counsellors.
Also they think when women lose a child in birth they seem to assume that being on the maternity ward is helpful. To me its a little daft and somewhat insensitive.
I’ve been attending sessions since I was a child and I’m still looking for the right one. I always end up going and most of the time I am disappointed. They all seem to have the exact same training.  I think they all go to the same college. lol
Even so Keep trying you never know you could get lucky. Or maybe counselling might not be for you. There are other methods to help you cope. This forum is one I would assume. Sometimes it’s good just to air out the problems.

Personally I keep a dairy of “bad thoughts” that I let everything out in. (and I mean everything nothing is unsaid in it) I have a new one every year and I NEVER read through it.
After a year depending on how i feel. I burn it, safely of course. I use it as a cleansing ritual of some sort.  ?><
It doesn’t cure my depression but... I don’t know... when it’s on paper it’s not in my head. (If that makes sense)

I hope stopping the meds helps (have you informed your GP of the change?) just do be careful as sometimes if they are powerful they can make you feel a little bad at first.

I hope you find what works for you. And just so you know "there are better days not everyday but there a few."

♥