Reminder service

[Amanda_George]

I've been having a chatette with our newest member, lisamarretta, over on the intro board about small things we want to improve about ourselves.  I'm brushing my teeth and she's brushing her hair.

I've just brushed my teeth so it's your turn now, Lisa!   

I definitely recommend getting your vitamin levels checked.  Definitely B12 and D but if you can get your GP to test *all* your vitamin levels then you'll know if you need to supplement anything else too.  Even if you're not deficient in vitamin B12, maybe invest in a bottle of pills of it anyway?  Amazon do a B12 spray that works wonders when I'm feeling particularly low or need more energy.  Get your levels checked before you start taking the supplements though otherwise you'll get the wrong result and not get the help you need to increase any levels that are low.

[lisamarretta]

Hi!

I have just brushed my hair 😀 can’t face getting dressed or anything though. Baby steps.. right ok I will ask my GP when I next see him.

[Amanda_George]

We both deserve a treat then... have you got a favourite book or magasine or website or anything like that you can read a page/chapter of?

It's totally OK to not being able to face getting dressed... I sleep in my clothes so that I can just put our senior pup's lead on and take her for our daily stroll every morning - it's one less thing to motivate myself to do!

I hope your doc will give you the vitamin blood test - it's so worth it to feel even slightly better than you do right now!

[lisamarretta]

Yes I have 3 books in the go ha! Find concentrating difficult. I will commit myself to read a chapter of one tonight how are you treating yourself?

[Amanda_George]

It doesn't have to be a whole chapter... it's a reward not a chore after all     How about music?  Maybe listen to your favourite album or song or watch your favourite video or telly programme or play your favourite game or something like that?  It needs to be something you genuinely want to do as a reward for brushing your hair instead of a chore that you feel you have to commit to.   

if you want it?

[lisamarretta]

I’m watching James Bond 😍 with my cats!! 🤣 hopefully stay awake for it. I do love bond. How are you today? Why’s your reward for brushing your teeth?  Hug right back at you x

[Amanda_George]

That's my teeth brushed again.  My reward is posting to my blog about it lol  It's routine now though... I wake up, come down here, walk the pup then brush my teeth and take my supplements, which I haven't done yet!  Oops!  Gonna do it now though   

[lisamarretta]

Well done. I’m having a terrible day today 😒 I feel physically ill I can’t face the mirror or the brush 😖😖

[Amanda_George]

Anything you want to talk about?  I'm here all day if you need a friendly pair of eyes?

Edit - there's a board just for members if you only want members to read it?

[lisamarretta]

I’ll be alright thank you. Xx

[Amanda_George]

It's what the forum is here for.  I know that right now this is all new to you and you may not trust any of us yet, but we've all been there and do genuinely understand what you're going through.

[lisamarretta]

I’m just really low, hate things feeling out of my control. The thing I went through in May is now in the hands of the police I have days where I’m so proud of myself for going through with everything but then other days I get really anxious about others knowing. I’m going to get out of bed though and get a shower 💪

[Amanda_George]

So proud of you for going to the police about it... I didn't when it happened to me so I know just how much courage it took to report it.  Stay in bed if that's what you need to do - it's totally OK to give your head a day off occasionally and it sounds like you need that day off right now.  Look after yourself and know that I understand what you're going through... I may not always have the right words to say, but I will listen whenever you need me to.

[lisamarretta]

It’s just doing my head in... I think that is why my bullimia has got so bad.. I literally can’t control anything 😖 I hate it. I hate the way I’m just left too like my initial statement the police lady stayed with me for 2 hours and I was sick twice, I get counselling once a fortnight and that’s it. I haven’t found the courage to tell my family so I can’t talk to anyone about it. Just gets me down so badly... my nightmares are so bad I bite my arms and I’ve kicked over a chest of drawers thrashing in my sleep. I don’t ever let anyone hug me or see me cry... that night I was upset about work and I let him (someone I’ve known like half my life) hug me and I also allowed myself to get upset in front of him and bam... I hate myself for it. Hate myself for letting my guard down, hate myself for not fighting harder... just f***ing hate hate hate 😒 even before that I witnessed abuse at work (I look after disabled people) and she got away with it a senior member of staff might I add! That’s why I was upset I’d just been told she was coming back as it was my word against hers and the gentleman in question couldn’t remember 😡 I love my job... I just can’t go back now not now they let her get away with that, there’s people there with brain injuries they wouldn’t  be able to remember if she did anything. Just in such a dark place and I’ve lost my partner of 13 years in all of this so I’m dealing with that too and moving out 😡 sorry I kinda got on a roll there 🙄

[Amanda_George]

Maybe start a blog to let it all out in?  Set up a new identity for the blog and use that to talk about what happened between counselling sessions?  Or a website, again with a totally new identity to protect your privacy that you can use to be let it all out?  That's what I did after I moved and got an internet connection at home... just get it all out of your head and onto the screen whenever you need to.

Also, maybe ask for more frequent counselling sessions while you're feeling so bad?

It took literally years to let anyone hug me and I was with my partner for 5 years before I let him see me cry and even then it was purely by accident.

Same with work too.  I was a temp at the time and lost the job after I told the temping agency what was happening.  Keep talking and I'll keep reading 'cos it sounds like a lot of what you've been through is what I've been through too, except losing my partner - I'm still with mine but right now you need to look after you and get yourself out of the rough place and deal with everything you went through.

Treat yourself kindly, Lisa, you deserve it.