Hey I am new here

[Sam1989]

 Hi guys well I am 24 years old and was diagnosed with depression about 3 months ago. I reckon I've had it longer but it took until I started getting panic attacks that I knew I needed to do something about it.

When I was in school I was bullied for being good at physical education and when I was 16 I got a boyfriend who was 2 years older than me but he was horrible to me. He was really protective and I lost all my friends because of it. Eventually I ended it 3 years down the line and I fell for another lad who was older but he lived 2 hours away from me (I met him while I was at university). So we had a long distance relationship but I found out he was cheating on me and I kept taking him back!! Silly me I know but I loved him and id fallen pregnant with him but I ended up having an abortion which destroyed me! During all this my dad had a stroke and I just felt like my world was falling apart!..... So me and this lad ended he ended it not me and I was devastated!!.... To the point I use to take my migraine tablets to help me sleep and then I would waste days in bed as these tablets made me tired but I kept popping them as I loved being able to sleep!..... About 6 moths after that I got another bf and he cheated etc and then my mum got breast cancer so more traumatic experiences!.....

At preset I am in a job I don't want to be in but can't get a job I want as need more qualifications but can't afford to pay for the qualifications as the job I am in is not very good money! I am with a lad now who I am perfectly happy with but he doesn't live with me and I struggle again with distance he isn't that far away but I hardly see him I just feel a lot has built up over the years and I feel a bit pathetic talking to people close to me as I fear they think I am being silly! I am currently on antidepressants but I don't think they are working I feel I am just stuck in a rut!!

Anyone else feel the same?

Sam xx

[Pip]

 :welcome:

I can relate to some of what you've written such as losing friends due to a boyfriend.  He became very possessive so it wasn't a healthy relationship.  I had a couple of long distance relationships which I ended.  Haven't had an abortion but I did go through an extreme form of coercion into surrendering my son which I never got over.  I had been suffering with depression for a few years but at this point it became severe.  I didn't get diagnosed until 2005 so I had been suffering in silence for many years.  I feared not being taken seriously and when I was it was as if a weight had been taken off my shoulders.

[melaniejm]

Hey Sam,

Well done on being so honest and open. The panic attacks I can relate to big time as well as the taking anything to feel better, sleep etc. I've been badly used by men as well. Since your depression has been diagnosed you can start to work on your self worth. You deserve happiness. I have such a fear of rejection I very rarely can hold a relationship. Don't let the distance bother you and tell him straight you've had a terrible past with cheaters and don't deserve that kind of treatment again. You're worth it Sam. And you're not alone. Mel xxxx

[Sam1989]

It's nice to know you're not a lone!

My fella knows everything about me but I still struggle to tell him how I feel as I fear he will laugh or run (I know he won't do any) but that is my insecurity!

Mel thanks for you're kind words it made me smile :) we are all worth it and we will eventually get through it but it is about taking each day as it comes.... You have you're good and bad days but eventually the bad days become less and the good days take over! I find exercising helps me I am a bit of a gym freak but I also love being outdoors and just chillin out :).

Sam xxxx

[stewart]

welcome to the forums Sam,
we are all here tohelp each other,

[craig84]

Hi Sam, Welcome to the forums !
I was going to say hey earlier but I wasn't in the right frame of mind.. not sure I am now but wanted to welcome you anyway.

I have been through similar things with long distance relationships and those relationships I was cheated on so can sympathize there, its harder trusting in people after that happens unfortunately, I try telling myself you cant tar everyone with the same brush but it still plays on my mind.

An ex gf had an abortion behind my back and told me after which devastated me. baby would be 7 now..

i feel stuck in a rut when it comes to getting educated to get a better job... i need to work low level jobs because im not really qualified in anything other than driving fork lift trucks ... ive been a team leader and manager before but i couldn't do it at the moment. working low level jobs you have to work all hours to get a decent wage and don't have the time to do evening courses if you could afford them but having a job and paying rent bills and food doesn't leave a lot for savings, im lucky (when i am working) to have enough to budget on for the month... catch 22....

in answer to your question does anyone feel the same?! yep! i don't think my AD's are helping and i feel in a rutt because nothing is moving forwards! i feel im getting worse but am trying to keep my head above water at the moment.

hope you find the site useful i know i do :)

[Becky123]

Hi, welcome to the forum.

I too have panic attacks a lot recently, and can relate to being stuck in a job you don't like but we need to keep going for money.
Hope you find some support on this forum and people the understand

[Sam1989]

Hi guys  :)

Thank you all for your lovely welcoming, it's great to know I can come on here and read other people's stories and relate such a big help :)

[Amy-Lou]

Hi Sam

I'm new here too...have found everyone to be very kind and welcoming :)