Newbie in need of help and direction.

[Lee80]

Hi all,
Well after years of suffering from severe depression I have eventually stumbled upon this forum.
I'm new to all this so please bare with me, I've suffered and battled for many years and only just this week been given some medication and appointments with counsellors and mental health nurse after years if been told "your just down" or "your bored" and "time will sort it all out".
So basically hello too all.

[Pip]

Hi Lee,

Severe depression is something I do understand as I've suffered with it for getting 40 years although I wasn't officially diagnosed until 2005.  People mean well by their comments but it isn't helpful as they don't understand what you're going through.

[Lee80]

Hi pip,
Yes I know it must be hard for some "outsiders" to understand and I probably don't help matters as I have always found it hard to open up to people and talk. And to add too it I've just lost my wife and kids through divorce so obviously that hasn't and doesn't help, my now ex wife knew I was suffering from depression but couldn't help me and didn't feel comfortable talking to me as when I began to get upset she would begin to get angry and start shouting at me which in turn became an arguement.
Thank you for the welcome!

[craig84]

welcome lee!

hope your keeping your strength up, can imagine how hard things must be for you right now but we're here to listen.

glad your getting the help you need with medication, hopefully your not like me and terrible at taking pills lol I forget to take mine a lot of the time :p writing that has just prompted me to go and take it actually lol

anyway hello to you too :)

[Lee80]

Hi Craig,
Thank you for the warm welcome. Yes things are hard, up already for work, don't start til 7am and had 2hrs sleep which is becoming the norm.

Thanks again.

[stewart]

Hi Lee80, welcome to the forums.
it is a shame when it takes so long for anyones doctor to spot depression, what meds have they started you on?

[Lee80]

Can't remember the exact name of it, it's something like: flucoxtiline or something like that at a dose of one a day 20mg. Apparently it's suppose to worsen things before they get better.

[craig84]

yeah im on fluoxetine 20mg too.... tomorrow will be my first consistent week on them. Im not sure about how I feel about taking them to be honest, apparently there supposed to  help rebuild a chemical that depression seems to kill called serotonin... but I know it wasn't just one thing that caused my depression, it was years of various things and I don't see how taking a pill will remedy that.... yes in conjunction with counselling and therapy I can see the benefits but I don't have faith that gp's or professionals we see really want to help us or just say take these pills they should help...

I have stopped working recently because of how low I am. the lack of sleep and low energy I physically couldn't do my job anyway. as well as the depression I get pains in all my joints which I am on pain killers for, another thing I argued with my doctor about. " I don't want a pill to cope with this problem I want to find out the cause and fix it" surely that's not too much to ask.

Anyway I hope you managed at work ok!? what do you do ? is it something that helps with what your going through taking your mind off things?

[Pip]

Hi Lee, divorce won't help either and your children are stuck in the middle of this.  You are still their dad even though you're not with their mum.  It's probably something that has helped me and my hubby as we both suffer with depression so when one or both of us are having a bad day we know why. 

[Lee80]

Hi,
Yes Craig I can JUST manage with my job however it's at a point where I think I need to inform my employer as i am struggling, I work in security and obviously dealing with certain incidents and certain people I lose my temper easily and I'm so tore and fed up.
I too am rather sceptic about the tablets but hopefully along with my therapy sessions they will help.
Pip, I know what your saying but it doesn't help that my ex wife won't even speak to me or return a simple txt and is now pursuing an injunction against me!! I'm literally at the end now and have even taken to self harm attempts to take the pain away and feel a kind or release, I know this is very wrong and not at all the right thing to do but it strangely helps ALOT!!

[SteveW]

Hi Lee
I'm sorry you are experiencing problems with your divorce. I don't know what it is but divorce seems to bring out the worst in people. It used to be part of my job to do reports for courts on custody and access. The amount of frankly ludicrous accusations I used to have to investigate left me with quite a low opinion of the human race. And as for solicitors I tend to regard them as on the same level as pond slime.

The trouble is that it never actually goes away. It must 35 years ago that I got divorced yet I am still in contact with my ex wife. At first there was just simple things. School plays, sports days, meetings to discuss progress with teachers. The older my daughters got the more tricky things got. There was choice of GCSE subjects, then A level, then degree, then post graduate degree. There were major hassles when my youngest daughter decided she wanted to go travelling and my ex wife didn't want her too. The trouble is that you remain your kids father for ever. In fact there was hassle over just about everything. And you get to be involved in all of it.

My divorce affected me so badly that I went into a major depression. Things got so bad that I only just avoided ending up in psychiatric hospital. I hope you manage to develop a relationship with your ex wife that is half way civilized, it makes a major difference.

[Lee80]

Cheers Steve,
Nice to hear that some people go through this and come out the other end on good terms.
My problem is I still love, care and miss her and if there is something I want to share its her I want to contact, she's on my mind 24/7 but yet she doesn't want to know. She knows I'm suffering and she is fully aware I suffer with the big D so I sometimes wonder if she is a little scared or if my behaviour and mood swings/low mood pushed her away completely.
But her attitude and overall general callousness after all we went through and have been through drags me even lower.

[SteveW]

People do sometimes manage to come through divorce on good terms. Though when I was waiting in courts to give evidence I often found myself thinking "And these
two people actually loved each other once." Money and the house were usually what turned things bad. I decided that I would be amenable about cash and place all
my efforts into contact with my daughters. I declined to get into Saturday morning visits. I went for two and three weeks spells during the school holidays.
Looking back I'm glad I did. It also kept my kids in contact with their grandparents.

Things will take a lot of getting used to. For the first couple of visits with my kids, my ex wife wouldn't let me across the threshold to pick up their stuff. I managed to get her out of that though. Just think in the long term. Your kids will become 18 and able to make their own decisions. You'll have a period when you become a grandparent. There will be difficult times. I once had to pretend that I was enjoying a school christmas play while my ex wife was staring daggers at me from a few seats away.

And your life will carry on. I spent about 6 months in the depths of despair and totally on my own. Then I met my partner who I lived with for 30 years. Divorce
isn't always the decisive ending it appears to be.

[Lee80]

Well spoken to the ex wife today about arranging contact to see my children and due to a couple of self harm attempts, one of which happened years before we got together and the other when she knew I was depressed but told me "your just tired" she has decided she NOW wants to go through mediation as she doesn't feel comfortable leaving them with me!! Pardon my French but WTF??!! So I spoke to her today and she wasn't nasty just cold and callous, she knows I still have strong feelings for her and she knows I would literally do anything and everything for her and our children and she says she still loves n cares for me and misses me but then is cold and callous at times dragging me further down. I'm ready to just give up now.

[stewart]

Hi Lee, it is a shame when any relationship ends in divorce, and even worse when kids are involved.

as for the meds, make sure you tell the doc how they are affecting you, both physically and mentally.
they can change them or add another one to complement them.